anonymous_2We thought we’d do something a little different this week.  Actually, we did this almost exactly a year ago and it was a big success.  So, since our reader base tends to change frequently, we thought now would be a good time to do this again.

The idea came from a sleepless night when I woke up about 2AM and couldn’t immediately fall back to sleep.  As is often the case, I started to think about stuff.  Work stuff.  Family stuff.  Kid stuff.  And of course, blog stuff.

I got to thinking that here we have this blog that approximately 1000 people visit each day (depending on what day of the week it is), yet we are almost all anonymous.  We all choose monikers or fake names to help secure our privacy – us included.  Nobody really knows who anyone else really is. Readers can only be familiar with fake names and the situations that apply to that persona.

It kind of goes with the territory, I guess. 

So let’s try to have a little fun and get to know each other more – without jeopardizing our anonymity of course!

Things to consider…

  • Where are you from?
  • How many kids do you have?
  • What’s your occupation?
  • What is your favorite sports team?
  • What’s your favorite TV show?
  • What is your favorite city to visit?
  • What do you like to do in your spare time?
  • Where do you dream of traveling to?
  • What is your favorite beer and how many can you drink before you get drunk?
  • What’s your favorite food?
  • If someone gave you a 10 million dollars what would you do with it?
  • What is the craziest thing you want to do before you die?
  • Whatever you would like to say.  Let your imagination be your guide!
See also  Discussion - Negativity and Resentment Towards Your Spouse

It goes without saying that we expect all of you who comment regularly to participate and hopefully many of you who like to stay behind the scenes will join in as well.                                                                                                                           

I guess I will start things out… 

Both Linda and I are 52 years young.  We have three great kids – a son who recently graduated from college and two girls who are now freshmen in college.  Linda is an elementary school teacher and I own a couple of very small businesses.

I was born in Chicago which is one of our all-time favorite cities to visit.  I think my favorite city to visit though is San Francisco and my favorite city to party in is Nashville.

I am a die-hard Ohio State Buckeye fan and vow that when I die, my ashes will be spread over their football stadium.  (Not sure Linda will honor that request).  By the way, in my second life I’m either going to be a star professional baseball player or a lead guitarist for a blues band.  I haven’t made up my mind just yet.

When we’re not working we like to get outdoors.  We walk, hike, bike and kayak as much as possible.  We also occasionally get the opportunity to rock climb, go backpacking and/or car camping. 

We manage to check off one of our bucket lists items by traveling to Yellowstone and Grand Tetons last year and plan on heading west again this summer  (Here’s a good post about that trip). This time though we will head to southern Colorado and  use it as a base from which we will visit Arizona, Utah and other parts of Colorado.  Of course hiking, camping, backpacking and kayaking will be the primary activities.   Eventually, we would like to travel to Europe – especially Italy.

See also  Discussion: Infidelity, Trust and Monogamy

I do about 99% of the cooking in our house while Linda does all the baking.  Her chocolate cake from scratch is the best.  I don’t have a favorite food per se, though I love Mexican cuisine and anything that is hot and spicy.  I put hot sauce on just about everything.

Oh, and I don’t have a favorite beer either.  I drink any craft beer that is on sale! 

That’s all I can think of for now.  Maybe I’ll add some more in the comment section later.

Try to have some fun with this!

We look forward to reading the comments.

Thanks and have a great day!

Linda & Doug


    36 replies to "Discussion – Please Tell Us More About Yourself"

    • Patsy50

      Hi I am patsy50, 63 years young and husband 64
      I was born and raised in New Jersey
      I have two married daughters
      My new occupation is “Nana”. My husband and I watch our twin grandsons, age 8 months and our almost 5 year old grandson, all brothers, a few times a week
      This has helped us become more connected with each other!
      Don’t like sports but I guess the Giants
      Favorite TV show, I have a few but would say right now, the Following with Kevin Bacon
      I do love New York City
      What spare time! When I do find time, I like to go on vacations,watch movies and have family get togethers. Also like having date nite with my husband at different restaurants
      I have always wanted to visit Ireland, Poland and Italy
      Actually I have started liking Bud Light Platinum and by three I’ve had enough
      I am always trying new foods but I must say I like Middle Eastern
      If I received 10 million dollars, I would make sure my grand children’s education was taken care of, then family and give more to my charities.
      Not looking to do anything crazy

      • Doug

        Thanks for sharing Patsy! That’s great that you watch your grandkids like that. I don’t know what we would have done if not for Linda’s parents watching our kids whenever we needed them to.

    • battleborn

      Hi there, I am Battleborn. As the motto is for the stae of Nevada, you can guess where my home state is. I am a Navy brat and Marine Corps spouse. So really I have no home. The good thing about being in the military is the travel we have been able to do without spending too much money.

      My husband and I have 5 children. Two boys ages 36 & 30; three girls ages 35, 29 & 9; 5 grandchildren, two boys & three girls.

      Right now I work for the federal government, but my goal is to retire in 2016, dependent upon the economy. Thinking about retiring and working part time at something though. I am too young to completely retire.

      My favorite sports teams are the Seattle Mariners and Seattle Seahawks – go Seahawks!!!! I lived with my grandparents in Washington State for awhile so I am not a carpetbagger fan.

      My daughter and I are fans of the PBS Masterpiece Theater shows. Not Downton Abbey though. The old ones like Sherlock Holmes, Midsomer Murders, etc. The new Miss Fisher’s show is good, too. Of course there is the standby Nat’l Geographic, Animal Planet and The History Channel.

      I want to visit St Petersburg, Russia, for the architecture. But that will never happen, too scary to go now. So Ireland would be my next choice. I have an “O” in front of my name, if you get the drift.

      No beer for this girl – my vice is tequila and about 7 shots and I am on the floor. A good shot of tequila and spicy food is wonderful; but not the next morning.

      $10 million. Dole it out to family members, charities and buy a ranch in Arizona for my husband (dogs) & daughter (horses).

      The best thing I can say is that I am me. I am a survivor and I have come to terms with my less than perfect husband. I have learned from my mistakes and will not let them drag me down. As many here already know, being bi-polar with severe depression, mentally I have been ravaged but with the help of my counselor and psycho doctor I have been able to overcome a lot. So with that I will end with the promise that you, too, can overcome adversity and live a full life – it just takes time.

      Thank you to all of you who have been such good friends to me here. Doug and Linda, you are the greatest! Giving of yourselves and sharing your trials and tribulations with all of us is nothing less than admirable. Bless you both!

    • emotionalrollercoaster

      I’m emotionalrollercoaster, I am 52 years old been married 34 years. I work for the school system. I love my job. I have 1 son 26 he is married, he is my biggest support, you see his wife left him 4 years ago for another man. They are back together now he said it gets the darkest before it get light. Then his wife told me yesterday with tears in her eyes that when my husband comes back in about 2 months he will wake and really regret what he has done. My husband has been gone 2 1/2 weeks called yesterday wants to come home and try to work things out. Right now I am scared to death I can’t go through another heart ache. At this point I really don’t have any favorites. I am just existing. I was preparing myself for divorce and getting on with my life, now another change I hope I have the strength to do this. Any encouragement will help.

      • battleborn

        ERC, I pray for you to be strong throughout this upheaval.

        If it were me, I would tell the bastard that 2 weeks isn’t long enough for him to make up his mind whether or not he really wants to try to work things out. But I am a heartless bitch that has been hurt one too many times.

        Lay down the law and make him understand that YOU are making the rules now. I know it will be hard for you hide your emotions, but you have to. You cannot let him come back to YOUR home unless he understands that he has no leverage at all.

        You have been through so much already that it seems like he doesn’t deserve your love anymore. I realize that is such a harsh statement, but girl you cannot keep living like this for much longer. Something has to give and that something is your husband.

      • Saw the Light (formerly Roller Coaster Rider)

        ERC, I too was on the roller coaster, and still have my ups and downs. My encouragement to you is to do what will make things better for you. In my case, I took my husband back after finding out about his affair, and asking him to leave, which he did for about three weeks. I said to him then, “I will do this once.” The entire summer, I was on and off a basket case, and he was very weird. I had some times when there was just something in my gut telling me things were off. On our 35th anniversary, he surprised me with a trip to a beautiful resort, gorgeous, expensive flowers, and I was more miserable than I think I’ve ever been, simply wanted to die…and then a month later found out he had started seeing her again. The day I found out, I left him and filed for divorce. Fast forward to today, over three years later, and the rest of the story is that I actually agreed to remarry him, but did not know he was involved in a second relationship and during the whole time of our remarriage was secretly involved with her. I had four D-Days that year. But the one thing I can never say is that I didn’t give him enough time or forgiveness. I will also never regret doing that, because I can walk away knowing my commitment was rock-solid even if he wasn’t. I think I remarried him largely because I wanted my family intact. But our kids are able to see what a sad, sorry person their dad has turned out to be.

    • Ohsotrying

      Hi. I have never written in before but have been a silent “member” for (unfortunately) more than 5 years. Still working so very hard in this awful scenario that I was unwillingly forced into. I am 57 years old…..although it doesn’t seem possible, but here it is in print! I have 3 children 2 girls 30 and 22 and a 20 year old boy in his second year of college. Originally from NY but have been in FL for many years. To make matters worse, we are living part time in another state now which happens to be where my husband’s EA OW lives and she sometimes works in the same office… worst fears in living color. I wrestle with these demons often and sometimes I win. I have made my stance clear and have a
      solid plan B in place. I wish I didn’t have to but so be it. If I have to leave it will be with the knowledge that I did everything in my power to live above the line and make things work. I pray (often) that it never comes to that . I truly love my H and honestly I know he loves me. We show each other more affection , respect and consideration now but I really wish it hadn’t taken this horrible damage to show us the light.
      Sorry, I got off track.
      I don’t have a favorite sports team but with sports junkie men in my family it’s hard to avoid games both pro and college especially with our family (and tuition) ties to 2 HUGE football colleges this year.
      If 10 million came my way I would gather all of my extended family together anywhere they agreed upon and just be for awhile. Family is so important . I would hope to make sure that each one of them has everything that they need and maybe a little something extra just because. Would also make sure that my kids and future grandchildren (I hope!!!) are comfortable but not complacent…..they need to be proud of their own accomplishments and hard work. Need to share the bounty ….shockingly there are far too many kids in our country that are hungry and homeless.
      I would love to hit the road in an RV and just drive (escape?) all over North America.
      For fun I have taken to refinishing and repurposing junk. All kinds of junk. I love the hunt and get excited when it all comes together . Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t but I still have a great time messing with it.
      I enjoy anything having to do with the water and the beach and absolutely love seafood AND a few glasses of wine …..2 or 3….anymore than that and it’s not pretty. I don’t drink beer but love the smell of it. My H loves the craft beers so that works too.
      We travel a bit more now that the kids are doing there own thing and are planning on a Europe trip next year ……….fingers crossed.
      Off topic again: This forum has been a God send for me and I can’t thank you enough. I have a lot of alone time which is sometimes good and sometimes awful. I have been known to read and re-read your topics for hours just trying to glean a shred of hope and have been lucky enough to find something to hold onto each time, Thank you. I am so sorry that you two had to go through such pain to get where you are and I am so thankful that you have chosen to be a guiding light for the rest of us.

      • Doug

        Thanks Ohsotrying. So when you say that you repurpose junk, does that mean you fix it up and sell it or do you use it around your home? One of our neighbors goes garage sale surfing every weekend and finds all sorts of stuff that he then resells. He’s retired and makes some pretty good money at it.

        • Ohsotrying

          I haven’t sold anything yet as I seem to have new places to furnish and also have three kids that balk when I buy stuff and then make claim when it’s finished. I love to garage sale surf as you put it. It occupies my time and gets me out into civilization , giving my mind a rest.

    • Redemption

      Hi All,
      I am Redemption. I am 58 years old, married for 30 years. A Canadian from Vancouver with 2 children, a son 28 years old and a daughter 26 years old. Son lives with his girlfriend and our daughter is moving home tomorrow for approx. 6 months to try and save some $. She wants to save her rent money towards a down payment on a condiminium. Unfortunately anywhere in Vancouver is extremely expensive to live. New condo’s here are around 1/2 mill. Rents are proportionately bad. Our son works a union job for the oil industry and our daughter is a make-up artist who is employed by a large cosmetics company but there are never enough hours to pay the rent, so she also works at a couple of night clubs downtown doing promotional work. I am hoping she will now try and secure a job in the movie industry. She never wanted to go that way but the pay is much better and I have been told she has the talent so I have been encouraging her to do so.
      Husband had a EA and PA two yrs ago in another town he travelled to on business. Never new a dam thing about the A until our daughter found out. Some days I think my H has come a long way in his thinking and other days I am still confounded by his stupidity. But that is a topic for another day.
      Love the sun. Mexico has always been a past favourite but I am now leary about travelling there because of all the negative press and tourism killings. Love, love, the Caribbean. I have always dreamed of going back there in my retirement years and renting a little place for a few months to unwind. That’s the dream.
      If I won the lottery big time I would share with all extended family but if it was just a million
      I would just pay all my bills and see if I had enough left over for a plane ticket.
      We are a hockey nation up here in the North so the Vancouver Canucks are our home team. Some years I have been a huge fan and depending on the players, some years not so much.
      I work for a family business, mostly from home these days, which has its good points and its bad. My 84 yr old mother lives with us also. She had a stroke 2 months ago and heart valve surgury just prior to Christmas so there has been lots of additional stress to go around. I do have 3 other siblings and while they are all involved with her health, the day to day is left to me.
      My son also experienced infidelity in his relationship with his girlfriend. Because he saw his father and I trying to work on our marriage, he decided he wanted to try and make his relationship work also. Tough road for him at such a young age. But they appear happy now. He told me his girlfriend cried at Christmas time this year after they came home from sharing Christmas day with us because she said she was so overwhelmed that his family had chosen to be so accepting of her. Maybe knowing the knocks in life early will help them both in the long term. We are all still learning.
      Our daughter is not currently in any relationship and I know that her father’s infidelity has left its mark on her. She has many questions and issues to ponder in life. She has seen her share of heartbreak. Broke up with her longer term boyfriend and shortly thereafter moved out with another young man. One she eventually had to get a restraining order against because he got involved in drugs and guns. He also turned up at our home looking for her, trying to extract money and threatening her life and ours. You would think it was a script written from the scene of some soap opera.
      Have a small white dog. She’s the love of my life these last few years. While my H was going thru his midlife crisis with his affair, I went into mine buying a new dog and a new car instead. Oh, by the way, H no longer has his AP but I still have my dog and the car. And in reality my choices were still less expensive.
      I too want to say how much I value all the opinions expressed on this site. I have turned here too many times to count. I believe if I hadn’t had the opportunity to read all the wisdom expressed before me that I doubt I could have saved my marriage or known how to deal with my pain. This site is what helped me stay calmer when inside the eye of the storm. Kuddos to Doug and Linda for starting it.

      • Doug

        Thanks for sharing Redemption. Sorry that your husband’s affair has had such an effect on your kids. The same thing has occurred with my brother in law’s kids. They are very wary of trusting and long term commitment right now. Hopefully, some day they can get past it.

    • Saw the Light (formerly Roller Coaster Rider)

      How cool is this! We get to know each other a little better…and it’s comforting to know many of us are in our 50s. I’m 57 for a few more months. I have four kids, two daughters and two sons (30, 29, 27 and 24) all married, and four grandchildren…again, two and two (boys and girls).

      I have lived in Arizona all my life, most of it in a lovely town in the mountains. I’ve also had the blessing of being able to see many places in the world. I’ve been in Mexico probably 25 times or more, Romania 6 times, Israel, Taiwan, Kurdistan, Peru, Guatemala, Puerto Rico…

      I’m not a sports fan, really. I have become somewhat more of a beer drinker, though, in the past several years. One of my favorites is a beer made in Tucson called Monkeyshine, and since it’s 8.2 percent, about 16 oz is all I can manage at one sitting.

      My second divorce from the same man was finalized yesterday. He had two relatively long-term affairs since 2010, and is still seeing the second woman. I’m negotiating the new territory of single, and living alone…but I have my dog and he’s a great friend. I also have a wonderful part-time job, as a teacher (like Linda), and love teaching. I have some great friends, lots of support, but still this is so painful and really sucks a lot of the time. They say it’s a process. Hope so. I know I didn’t really have a lot of options as I could not have done more than I did to give my former husband grace and the opportunity to commit.

      • battleborn

        STL, We have spent quite a few years in AZ also. I loved going to Tucson & Bisbee. I believe sometimes that if we had never left there he may not have had the affair. Things out West were less hectic and we spent a ton of time together roaming the desert, doing things WE loved to do together. When we moved East we spent less and less time together and it really showed. But that is hindsight unfortunately.

        My best to you in your new world. Having kept tabs on your story, I must say that I honestly believe you are one tough cookie and will make the most of your newfound life. Keep hugging your dog, they are unconditional love.

      • Doug

        STL, I’m sure that Wednesday was a tough day for you but I know you’re an incredibly strong woman and you will come through this just fine.

        • Saw the Light (formerly Roller Coaster Rider)

          Doug, all of this has its ups and downs. I do think I’ve got some strength, but often don’t have much joy. I read today that on average it takes a year for every four years married to heal after what we’ve been through, and before one can be healthy enough to be in another relationship for the right reasons. Which means, I might just as well get used to being single. Friday night at home isn’t that fun. I refuse to go to bars, and will not internet date. But still…

    • Jrs

      Hi, everyone. I am Jrs. I live in Houston, Texas, and have been here since I was very young.
      I am 43 years old and have two daughters – ages 10 and 9. They are the loves of my life. I work for an investment company in a job I love. My favorite sports team is the Houston Texans, although it’s been tough being a fan this year!! My favorite TV show is Survivor – I’ve only missed one season. My favorite city to visit is tough to nail down. I have experienced the coast, the mountains, much in between, and I really love so many places.I dream of traveling to Fiji or some place that has a cottage that is over the water. Literally over the water. That would be SO cool! I also have a silly dream of buying a tiny travel trailer from the 50s that I would tow behind a truck and decorate in some kind of tacky flamingo theme and travel around the states. My spare time mostly consists now of getting my very active daughters to their sports activities, which I love. I know this time will pass too soon, and I am trying to soak up every bit of it. Aside from that I LOVE to cook Indian food (I’m a vegetarian,) exercise, read magazines about homes on the coast, and watch Chopped. Mostly, I just love being with my daughters. They are so funny and smart. My favorite beer is Blue Moon with an orange slice. I got to be friendly with it during Hurricane Ike when we were without power for 2 weeks. 2 straight weeks. During the summer in Houston. Blech. Favorite food – Indian, homemade ravioli, and sushi. If someone gave me $10 million I would quit my job to be home more for my girls. I would put away for college, pay off any debt, and I would help the local groups in Houston who spend so much time rescuing dogs. We have a horribly out of control stray dog problem in Houston. I’d do a lot of charity work and probably start a foundation of some kind. Oh, and I’d go to Fiji! 🙂 The craziest thing I want to do before I die is finish a full Ironman triathlon.

      I would like to say to Eyes Wide Open, my heart is broken for you. I stopped visiting this site around the time you were getting remarried, if i’m remembering correctly. I remember Roller Coaster Ride so clearly and I hope I’m remembering the details correctly. Recent events have brought me back here, unfortunately – no offense Doug and Linda – and to see you are divorcing again makes me sad and pissed at him. I am so sorry.

      Doug and Linda – this site has saved my sanity. I once again don’t know what’s happening with my marriage. I logged on tonight (I was one of the introductory subscribers and miraculously remembered my password) and it was like stepping into a therapy room. Thank you for continuing to maintain this site. It’s a Godsend to me, especially today.

      • Doug

        Jrs, Thanks for the kind words and for sharing about yourself. So sorry that circumstances have brought you back here, but happy that it helps you in some way.

        I too would love to get an old trailer – like an Airstream – and travel the country. People talk a lot about traveling overseas and such, and I’d love to do that some day, but there is still so much more to see right here.

        I’ve recently become a big fan of Tika Masala – extra hot. Have been looking for a good spicy vegetarian Indian dish for me and Linda. Perhaps with some lentils in it. Any suggestions?

        • Jrs

          There are so many wonderful dishes in two cookbooks by Shubhra Ramineni – Entice With Spice and Healthy Indian Vegetarian cooking. You can seriously ramp up the heat with additional cayenne, although you might try them first as written – some of the dishes have a real kick to them! There is an outstanding red lentil soup recipe that is one of my favoriate dishes ever and super easy to make. There are so many curry recipes – mushroom and pea curry, coconut curry with vegetables, and several chicken dishes I’ve made for the meat eaters in the family. Once you have the base spices in your pantry, so many of the dishes in her books are just a few added ingredients, so she keeps it as simple as possible. Y’all should really check them out!

          I agree – I would love to do overseas vacationing, but I still have so much to see here! I love Airstreams, as well as the little tiny vintage trailers folks paint and decorate. How fun that would be!!

          Good luck with the Indian cooking! I’m so glad I found those cookbooks – I’ve gotten the whole family hooked on it now.

      • Jrs

        Ack, my comment was to Saw the Light. Where in the world did I get Eyes Wide Open??? Sorry about that. Maybe that’s my subliminal new name.

    • hurtbythem

      Hi Everyone, I am a reader not a writer on this site but this could be fun! I’m from New Jersey and love, love, love the Jersey Shore. I’m 58 years young and have been married for 29 years. We have 6 great kids (blended family) 2 were his, 3 mine, and 1 ours – but ALL OURS. Our oldest died on 9/11 and is a true hero, he left behind our first granddaughter. Next in line a daughter married with 2 wonderful children, then came our 3 boys and our youngest a girl who just got engaged. I am a secretary and have been for all my adult life. With all the men in my life sports have been played and watched throughout the year but watching Football is my favorite.
      One of my fav cities to visit is Charleston and someday hope to retire there near the beach. My spare time is reading, dancing, gym and taking care of my family. I love to cook and always trying new recipes. Traveling the United States and seeing our country is on my bucket list, but would also love to see Italy. Pizza is the food I could eat everyday.
      If someone gave me 10 mil I would spread the wealth throughout my family and then give to my charities.
      I’m not a big beer drinker but I love to make home made liquors.
      Before the affair I thought life couldn’t be better but my H’s 5 year affair with his childhood sweetheart shattered that! Now we are trying to rebuild but it’s a long, hard road and it seems harder because my H can’t remember lots of details. So I read, come here, go to therapy and try to heal.
      I did some crazy things in my youth so in my future years would just love to travel, sit on a beach, and enjoy my children and grandchildren.

      • Doug

        My roommate during my freshmen year at college was from Colt’s Neck, NJ and always had some great stories about the Jersey Shore. It sounded like a fun place to spend the summers. Thanks for sharing!

    • Peggy

      Hi, I’m Peggy (my real name:)) originally from northern California now living in Arizona and hating it:) but have been here for 10 years. I have 3 children, 42, 40 and 32. My oldest son lives in Perth, Australia, my daughter is now living in Atlanta, and my son is staying with us now trying to put his life back together after 13 years a Marine and his wife cheated on him so it’s been a long road back for him. I have 4 grand children, 22, 20, 17 and 19 and two great grandchildren. We are also now raising our 17 year old granddaughter. My daughter decided to leave and find herself. I’m 62 years old. I am an abstract artist and have been for 32 years. During those years I also worked as a faux finisher until vertigo got the best of me. I am now back to concentrating as best I can on my fine art.

      I am a Phoenix Diamondback’s fan and for football San Francisco Giant’s fan. I am very into Person of Interest, Elementary, White Collar, Parenthood (my youngest has aspergers, too) and Bones. I love to visit San Francisco, but Australian people are the best and nicest around.

      In my spare time, which is rare, I love to read and write and make jewelry with FEMO clay. I also, like Ohsotrying, love to bring new life to old furniture and use my faux finishing skills to transform furniture into what I consider art and like Ohsotrying, I have never been able to make any money on it because my family snatches it up as soon as I’m done, but no better compliment than that, right Ohsotrying?

      I used to want to go to China until I did. It was a paid trip by an art gallery and I visited all the attractions, but just being in that energy was horrible. I felt trapped and would have come home after the first week if my translator and travel partner would have given me my ticket. I watched a child get run over by a car and literally no one stopped or paused from their constant talking to even take notice. I was told it happens all the time and not to worry about it. It was very traumatic and I came back very damaged with PTSD and then found out the following January about my husband’s affair and got a double wammie with PTSD which is what I’m doing my very best to get past now. I would very much love to see the great art of Europe, but I’m fine to stay put if that doesn’t happen.

      I prefer rum and coke to beer because I can be completely out of it after one beer and hate that feeling. I love any food that I don’t have to cook:) I’m not a good cook at all and it is not where my heart is. And after seeing the food that is preferred in China, i.e., chicken with feet and head floating on the top of the soup and fish brains as a delicacy, I’m very happy with Italian or Mexican cuisine. Throw a good Irish stew in just for a nice warm and fuzzy feeling.

      If someone gave me $10 million dollars I would probably buy a nice house,(I lost mine to foreclosure in 2012) and make sure everyone in my family had a safe car and paid for home so they would never have to suffer the pain of loss that happens when one loses their home. I would make sure anyone in my family who wanted it, got a good education. I might buy myself a few new birkenstocks and coveralls, but I’m good and don’t need much. I would pay for a gardener and cook and the house would be in a place where I could have privacy and a beautiful view with lots of flowers, trees and critters.

      I have spent, just recently, some time thinking about just that question of crazy things I’ve done. Absolutely nothing. That sucks. I have always been the responsible one and it occurred to me just last weekend when my H was watching a concert on TV and he and my son were reminiscing about all the concerts they had gone to and I have only been to one and that was when I was 49 and it was Boss Scaggs. Not real exciting. I don’t know anyone in my age group of hippies that hasn’t been involved in drugs, alcohol and free sex, but me. I have always felt out of place when these conversations take place. I need to start having some fun. I may be entering into my mid-life crises:) But I have absolutely no idea what that crazy thing is that I need to want to do.

      I started reading your blog, Doug and Linda, a couple of years ago. I’ve bought your books and audios and they have been a great help to me. I have literally no family support. All my family say to me is I’m stupid to be so upset because they never had sex. They didn’t have sex because she was already having sex with two other men and my H was her, let’s just fool around as much as we can without penetration’ guy, but it was his absolute intention to have crazy sex with her for 4 years. I can’t say that I have agreed with all that has been said here, but I appreciate everything I have read and the links to other professionals that has expanded my education on affairs and human behavior. I have listen to and read everything that you have posted on this blog for two years now. I so feel the pain that everyone here feels and without this site where would any of us go to learn and share? You brought the light to emotional affairs which so needed to be done. An affair is an affair no matter if sex is involved or not. It’s a separate relationship with another person while disregarding the partner they are sharing their life and home with and there is nothing more devastating as that. I can say that because I have endured three sill births in my life and the pain I have suffered because of my H affair far exceeds the pain of loss to my children as sad as that is to say. Unless you have gone through it, there is no way anyone can truly understand. Not even the ones that had the affair. They can empathize and feel remorse, but none will ever experience the pain of receiving the betrayal. So thank you so much for being who you two are and allowing us to have a forum to share and heal together.

    • fighting

      I am 46 years old and from Norway!!! So you have readers from all over the world 🙂
      My husband is 48 and we have two kids, a boy aged 24 and a girl aged 21. They have left the nest and is doing fine in their lives. I am a elementary school teacher and I love my work.
      The infidelity happened four years ago. I found this blog, and it has helped me a lot. I look in now and then. Things are better than ever between my husband and I, but as many of you say, you can forgive, but never forget.
      My interests are being outside. We have a cabin ( i think it is called that – a small house near a lake) and we spend a lot of week-ends there. This week-end we were there and we fished on the ice, and I got to try my new skates. So we like to spend time in our wonderful nature. In february we will go to Gran-canaria to get some sun and relaxation 🙂 (not much of it here at this time of year – we live in north Norway). And we have been talking about going to Italy this summer.
      So this is me. On the other side of the globe.

      • Doug

        Thanks for sharing Fighting. Good to hear that you and your husband are getting along well. Whenever we get to Norway we’re gonna borrow your cabin, OK? Thanks 😉

    • Rachel

      My name is Rachel and many of you know my story of my blogs for the past 2+ years. After 26 years of marriage, it ended in September 2013.
      My ex had an affair with his ex girlfriend and they were going t be together in the future. He didn’t want me anymore. My life came crashing down. I was in a deep hole for many months.
      This past Christmas eve I was talking to my friends friend who was divorced in July 2013. Same story. Same excuses. He was married for 27 years.
      He asked if I’d like to go out for a movie or dinner after the holidays. His call came two days later.
      An instant connection. We’ve been together every Saturday night since. He is such a kind caring man. We are both scared and going slow in the relationship.
      I’m not walking on egg shells as I did with my ex. Life is easier and I am so very happy.
      I never thought that I could ever crawl out of that hole. Goes to prove, we are all stronger than we think.

      • Strengthrequired

        Rachel, can I just say, I’m so happy for you. Im so glad you are finding happiness after all you have been through.

      • Doug

        That is awesome Rachel. I’m very happy for you!

    • Strengthrequired

      Rachel, can I just say, I’m so happy for you. Im so glad you are finding happiness after all you have been through.

    • emotionalrollercoaster

      Wow I am so happy that you have crawled out of the hole. No one should have to go through what we have gone through. I wish you both the best! I hope your ex is so miserable without you.

    • Broken2

      Rachel so happy for you.

      • Rachel

        Thank you, broken 2.
        I feel like I’m dreaming. I never want to wake up!

    • Broken2

      Hi everyone….my hubby and I are both 55 years old, we have 4 kids 32,30,25, 16 and we live in Houston Texas. I was born in Detroit, Michigan and that will always be where my heart is. When the kids were growing up we moved all over the United States with his job, mainly in the south but we had a short stay in Oregon as well. For the most part because of the constant moving I was a stay at home mom. I wanted to be a veterinarian and graduated from Michigan State University. I use to breed Golden Retrievers when we lived in New York but now I don’t have the room for it and just enjoy them as pets. I have a English Cream Golden named Sophie and a mini long haired dachshund name Willie.
      I loved raising my kids and now I have 2 grandchildren as well and one of the girls spends everyday with us as her mom works long hours and she is a single mom. All of our children (accept the 16 year old) have graduated from college and fortunately with todays economy have great jobs. They are such good kids. Only my oldest son knows about what his dad did and all though everyone has an opinion on to tell or not tell the kids that was the best decision for us.
      I love the beach and the ocean and often drive to Galveston just to sit on the sand and think. On vacation I like to plant my not so small butt in the sand with a book and a some good old fashioned southern sweet tea rather then do anything else. I need to hear the waves crash, hear the birds and watch my beautiful Golden retriever as she runs free in the surf. I’m not much of a drinker but when I do it is Bud Light, Lemon Drops or margaritas. Love seafood and a big steak. I love to eat so just about anything is fine with me.
      If I won the lottery I would pay for my grandchildren’s college, buy a small ranch in west Texas and a cottage near the ocean.
      My husband cheated with a coworker. I never thought I would have to say those words as we have been together since we were 14 years old. I was one of those people that was blindsided but looking back the signs were there I just didn’t see them because I trusted him. He had always been a flirt and allowed him to disrespect me in so many ways. We could not have stayed together without a total change on his part. That is a hard thing to do but he has done it. I use to spend my time waiting in horror for him to change back but I realized that I can’t control what he does. I am not responsible for his affair and I loathe those who say the betrayed are somehow responsible. I know absolutely that I would not make a choice to cheat on him because I was put in that position and made the choice to walk a different path. I don’t believe in affair fogs and all the stuff used to justify cheating. I am a black and white thinker and I believe we make choices in life whatever the reason and be it the wrong one we must own it and accept responsibility for it.

      I decided to work on myself and that is what I do now. After years of giving to others I needed to give back to myself. Instead of planning for my retirement I am a learning a new skill to go back to work probably while my husband retires! I recently returned to college and by next summer I will have my BA in Addiction Studies. I can’t believe they accepted all but 45 of my dinosaur aged college credits! I find it completely fascinating and much of what I learn can be applied to infidelity as well.
      I LOVE to read and like actual books not a kindle or Ipad. I like to listen to music especially country music. I love to garden but here in Houston there is about 3 months were things grow then the rest of the time they just shrivel up and die.

      It has been 3 1/2 years for us and I know it’s possible to heal from all of this mess. We stayed together but that doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone. We all have our paths in life. I know that marriage is hard work and I know that you have to be willing to work on it everyday or it dies like anything else. We now have checks and balances. We have weekly state of the union meetings where we have designated that time to say whatever we want good or bad. We have weekly date night, we spend an hour each morning drinking our coffee together and another hour at night. Sometimes it isn’t convenient but it is necessary.

      Its been nice to get to know you guys better.

      • Oceangirl

        Broken2, we have a lot in common. I also live in Houston and love to sit on the sand in Galveston and watch the waves or read a good book. However, I am a native Texan, born in Corpus Christi, so the ocean has been in my blood from conception and it is where I feel closest to God. There is no other place I would rather be than at the beach with my toes in the water, chair in the sand, under a beach umbrella with a great romance novel and a 6 pack of Diet Dr. Peppers in a cooler right beside me. Or maybe a margarita…

        My husband and I were high school sweethearts, from age 16, were together 6 years before marriage,and have now been married almost 36 years. We are currently separated now due to his second emotional affair with the same coworker. His first happened 18 years ago, he never owned up to it being an actual affair since their was no sex involved until this most recent affair took place. I forgave the first affair. But I am having trouble with forgiveness with this second one. You know….first time might be a mistake, second time is a concious choice….actually both times were choices as far as I’m concerned. He has refused for the past 15 months to totally come clean and had become extremely abusive in every way…emotionally, verbally, and physically…when I kept asking questions about the affair (which I discovered on his work cell phone). After a summer of abuse and pain that is totally indescribable, I moved out. He is now trying to get anger management help, we have gone to individual therapy, and have tried marriage weekends and counselors. He seems to want to reconnect and to be trying and beginning to “get it” about the pain he has caused to me and our family. My problem now is that I am so numb, I’m not even sure I can reconnect. I am so frightened of letting him back into my heart. After all, he went to the same woman TWICE! There is a strong connection there. I just feel he will return to her once he feels the coast is clear with me, but will be much sneakier about it. He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but his actions over the past 15 months do not match his words. I have lived with such sadness over these months, have lost 35 pounds and cannot sleep more than a few hours per night, which has taken a toll on my health. He doesn’t seem to care. I have been trying to work on myself, but the triggers keep coming and I find myself falling apart again and again. I know my part in the disintegration of our marriage and have taken full responsibility for it. I am not perfect and neither is he. But I did not choose to go outside my marriage, instead of talking about things that weren’t right between us. I tried many times to tell him that I was feeling a sort of “disconnect” between us and he wouldn’t listen….at times completely ignored me or blew me off. Ironically, he tells me that he had the latest affair because “she listens” to him and I don’t!!

        You have given me hope that maybe after enough work on ourselves, maybe we can make this marriage last. That’s if I can find it in myself to forgive…and that is really hard for me the second time around. Thanks for your encouraging words.

    • Paula

      Broken2, man, that was lovely, thank you x! BTW, my almost-as-dinosaur uni credits were also accepted – education, it’s for life, lol!

      I am from the North Island of New Zealand, a rural girl, who has lived in and enjoyed city life, but whose feet are pretty firmly rooted in the earth. I am 45 years old, partner 49. We have lived together for over 25 years now. We have three kids, one will be 21 next month and the other two are just turned 17 and 15. I currently work three days a week as the office manager of a vet owned and operated equine reproduction centre. The other two days were for uni, which I returned to half-time last semester, just finalising my next semester papers today, which is proving very difficult as I can’t get the subjects I need to line up on the right days, lol! Am supposed to be majoring in cultural and social geography and environmental planning, but cannot find one paper to suit my timetable this semester, for either of these – much to my frustration – so am filling in some gaps in my degree with Anthropolgy, History and Gender Studies papers – yes, quite the social scientist ;-)! I studied a double degree in Law and Commerce (Economics and Info Systems double major – laughingly now, nearly thirty year later, as I am no computer genius, far from it!) straight out of secondary school, but never worked in these fields, preferring to revert to my rural roots in the thoroughbred breeding and racing industry , and later, when working alongside my much adored, and truly beloved partner, with the children arriving, on our medium-sized dairy farm (300 cows) I started our Holstein-Friesian stud. I have a passion for genetics, animals, and a “natural, healthy and mostly organic” lifestyle, so was lucky to “fall into” this passion. I also did a pre-veterinary year at uni before children, so always recognised what my loves were.

      Dogs and horses have always played a leading role in my life, currently we have an almost 14 year old chocolate labrador, Willow, from whom we have bred several litters over the years. She is a grande old dame these days, and we appreciate every day we have left with her. We also had a miniature wire-haired dachshund, Otis, up until fairly recently, but we are really allowing Willow the time and space to be the only house dog until she dies, a puppy would exhaust her, as she is a natural nurturer. We also have a black lab, gun dog Flint, who thinks he is a farm working dog, so is kennelled with the farm dogs, who currently number just two, Tess, the top heading bitch and Luther, who is just learning – and was a rescue from a much crueller life, so is getting used to all his new-found freedom and health, and coming to terms with the intense excitement of learning to work sheep! We are looking to replace our huntaway, Mac, who sadly died about a month or so ago, from post-surgical complications after a major, potentially life-saving operation. Dogs are important to our work, as sheep and beef farmers, on hill country, but they are also important members of our family. Sometimes they are the only “people” my partner sees for days on end, and they are super loyal! We also used to breed racehorses, but no longer have any broodmares (finances dictated we need to rationalise) but we still have a three year old filly and a two year old gelding we bred that are at the early stages of their careers, hopefully the filly will be ready for her first race in about a month or two, the lad is in my paddock here at home with a foot wound I am currently nursing. The horses are calming, and a joint love of ours, when I have had a hard day, or an emotional moment, I can go and spend time with them. I have done this since childhood, with my ponies being my closest confidants!

      I love the newer breed of TV programs, played here on Soho – probably mostly HBO shows in the States – True Detective, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Master of Sex, Weeds, I used to watch a lot of True Blood. but got left behind after a while, and it just got too hard to try to catch up! We love foreign film, and top quality independent movies, and make the time to travel to see them as often as we can (tip – great way of creating time and space after an emotional counselling session!)

      Love fabulous food, and also love simple, seasonal fare. And I love to prepare both with love and a focus on what is ready in my garden to use well. I really enjoy a lovely, crisp Sauvignon Blanc, or an elegant Pinot Noir with good food, and a well-mixed few G&Ts for summer, or an Appleton’s rum in winter! (In fact, I love a fancy cocktail now, not something I was big on as a younger woman, but quite fun now.) LOVE an occasion to pop the cork on a really beautiful bottle of Champers (Veuve Clicquot is a favourite) or good quality NZ Methode Traditionale. I drank beer as a young woman, part of growing up here, and of course, the cheapest way to get a buzz on when a poor student! But I don’t now, mostly to avoid the calorie content, as I still like the taste – and will occasionally sample sip the other half’s – just for quality control purposes, of course!

      Money has become less and less of a focus, for me, as we are in the lucky position to be mortgage free, on 1200 acres, but with a low income, due to the lifestyle choices he made in his choice to exit the dairy industry and enter the sheep and beef one. I think we all know we need some of it, “enough,” and the “fear” of not having enough, particularly if much of our efforts have been in raising the family, etc, but I will be okay, I am employed, and employable, etc. There are assets there, so the $10m question is a interesting one for me – obviously, pay for childrens’ educations, some travel, very open to many destinations, all over the world, as I have only been to Europe, mostly Ireland and the UK, and Australia, with the odd South Pacific nation included. Africa, Asia, North and South America all still beckon! Some investment in a rural-based company (probably an organic goat dairy farm with artisan food production, using the milk produced.) A well-researched charitable gift would be near the top of the list.

      Bucket list is just to do as many active things, tramping, riding, etc, all over the world, but especially here in my own country, for as long as the body is willing (so hopefully decades yet!) We have a holiday home quite near one of the well-known North Island mountain walks, and we have never walked it! Plan is to get this ticked of this Easter, as autumn is the best time to attack it. Many fabulous ones in the South Island, and I plan to tick ones that I haven’t yet completed off every year from 2015. Had a great horse-trekking holiday down south in 2013 – all five of us, even my non-riding, young adult kids, they loved it! More of that in my future.

      Crazy, well, crazy can’t be planned! Crazy is spontaneous, and I’ve always been crazy, can’t see that changing any time soon.

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