Pat Robertson enraged many last week with comments in response to a viewer’s question.
The viewer said she was having difficulty forgiving her husband for having an affair. Robertson said the “secret” was to “stop talking about the cheating. He cheated on you. Well, he’s a man. OK.”
Robertson went on to suggest the woman focus on why she had married her husband and whether he provided for her needs and those of their children, adding, “Is he handsome? Start focusing on these things and essentially fall in love all over again.”
Here’s the clip (less than 3 minutes):
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_n-q_0qej4
LINESPACE
What do you think about Robertson’s response?
Do you agree that “males have a tendency to wander?”
Do you agree that a wife needs to “make a home so wonderful” that he doesn’t want to wander?
Any other comments about what Robertson had to say?
Thank you!
Linda & Doug
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28 replies to "Discussion – Pat Robertson and Wandering Men"
I have no idea who he is but he looks like a very old man, from a bygone era, making old-fashioned and inappropriate sexist comments. As we all know, this sort of insensitive and illogical ‘argument’ says more about the person making the comment than anything else.
Is he a comedian? if not then he’s just best ignored.
I wonder if he would have said the same thing if the audience member asking the question was male with a cheating wife? Probably not.
Hey Chiffchaff, Sorry, I should have realized not everybody would know who Pat Robertson is. This is straight from Wikipedia: Marion Gordon “Pat” Robertson (born March 22, 1930)[1] is an American media mogul, executive chairman, and a former Southern Baptist minister, who generally supports conservative Christian ideals. He presently serves as Chancellor of Regent University and Chairman of the Christian Broadcasting Network.
He also campaigned for the US Presidency back in the late 80s.
Thanks Doug, that explains alot.
From what I’ve experienced the church does have a habit of blaming wives for ‘straying’ husbands.
My in-laws are UK based offshoots of the US southern baptist church and their view was mainly shock that their son could be an adulterer then quickly onto ‘well, maybe you didn’t love him enough and he would only have done that if he didn’t feel loved’ and his mum deciding to make her mission to ‘sort out my hair and clothes’ because that was obviously fundamental in their son ‘needing’ to cheat.
Deeply uncharitable and misogynistic views no matter which deity you rely on.
So by the sounds of it he is trying to make excuses for men who cheat. So its all the wife’s fault, because a man didn’t know right from wrong.
I have to agree chief chaff, he is better not listened to. I’m sure his answer to a cheating wife would have been different.
It’s all on the wife…. It’s the wife’s fault her husband didn’t know how to honour his commitment to her and their marriage.
Something came to mind jane thought I would share it.
At the beginning of my h ea, my h uncle was wanting to find out how everything was.
Didn’t like the fact that my h had left his family, but one thing he didn’t like.
He said it’s ok if it was a one night stand.
Sorry but in my opinion, no affair is ok with me.
I have heard the “men will be men excuse” way too many times. it is an excuse, nothing more. an affair is a choice made by a selfish person.
Has anyone ever heard anyone say ‘women will be women’ when it comes to cheating?
I have not even had a glimpse of Pat Robertson’s preaching in years and years (I make sure I don’t stumble on it by mistake even) and this clip is the reason why…..misogynistic man hiding behind his version of the bible!
First of all, blaming the women “who didn’t keep their husbands happy” is so hypocritical….we need to keep them happy by night and be saints by day! geeesch ! plus keep a good home, keep up our appearances, keep the children in line, go to church circles and PTA, and if something goes wrong in the marriage is our fault for not doing “something” right and up to us to forget and forgive. BAH!!!
I feel for any man who is the BS! because Pat Robertson has no “playbook” for you! (said with all the sarcasm my coffee starved brain can muster)
:/ of course…this is just my humble opinion :/
There are other people in the media who think this way. I have heard “Dr. Laura” countless times berate the wife of an unfaithful man as “not being his girlfriend”, or not paying attention to his “needs”, etc. These people are calling her for advice, and she does nothing but blame the victim. If we had done something differently, we wouldn’t be trapped in this nightmare. I only wish that these people could have gone one-to-one with the amazing Shirley Glass, who had such a great understanding of betrayal, due to her years of studying infidelity with couples who needed her expertise and understanding to move forward. It’s such a complicated issue, but these people want to reduce it to the lowest common denominator, which does not work, and only adds to the pain. Unfortunately, these people would never be swayed, even by someone with her experience. They have an agenda, and reality doesn’t make a difference.
I know, why am I listening to Dr. Laura on Sirius XM? Because she comes right after Martha Stewart’s show, and Martha has given the best advice as to how to eliminate slugs from the garden. Hmmm…Maybe Martha should do a relationship show?
Pat Robertson…hahahahahaha! He’s a charlatan and a hypocrite, always has been!
I think his comments are common place in certain circles. I had an Episcopal minister from his generation tell me nearly the same thing when my H started into his MLC. He even told me my H had traded one witch (H’s mother who this minister had NO knowledge of) for another, me. Regardless of age, there are callous “old school” men out there who believe that every woman has a Jezebel inside her. And that men are entitled to forgiveness because its just their nature to be an idiot who thinks with his nether region.
Having read a few things about him, we have alot of similar w*nkers over this side of the atlantic. Hopefully people see them for what they are.
He kind of contradicts himself in his comments. If some men just stray then how can any work we do keep them from straying. I don’t think keeping my home lovely or myself is going to keep my H from straying if he really wanted to again.
Dear Mr. Robertson…..READ YOUR BIBLE. Adultery is the ONE and the ONLY reason that makes it ACCEPTABLE in the eyes of GOD to DIVORCE.
READ what GOD says about adultery. What a sin it is, and where you are headed if you don’t repent of it. Stop dragging your sexist baloney into what GOD has to say about it. GOD would tell you to sit down and shut up. He’s very clear about how a husband should treat his wife. Cheating isn’t the way.
This is Funny, when I first found out, my H said, he was just being a MAN, LOL but took that back very fast Today, he spends most days trying his best to make me happy, and has realized how important I am to him, and regrets the whole EA.
“He cheated on you, he’s a man, OK”
No it’s not OK! Give me a freakin break. What happened to self control and staying true to your wife and marriage.
I don’t feel you should stop talking about the cheating “affair” until BS is at the point where he or she can feel that they can accept the affair happened and is ready to move on and repair the relationship. I think you do need to find the good in that person again. As your relationship starts to heal you do appreciate and communicate more which builds trust and closeness once again. The love was always there it just got a little lost but finds it’s way back again.
Other than he’s an idiot. Nothing comes to mind.
What Peggy said. He’s an idiot. I wouldn’t lake his advice on how to make jello!
Hello everyone, In my Catholic European country still a lot of people thinking this way (I didn’t even bother to listen when I read the comments I knew exactly what he would be saying) But some of the comments had a familiar tone reminding me of how my therapist made me look at my marriage and she put it a hole other way. First consult she told me that first I should realize that maybe my H was through with me and that I wouldn’t be able to change that if this was the case. I had to take this into account. But then she asked me to look at the things in my marriage and H that I fell in love with instead of focusing on the cheating and his reasons (we came back to that later in the therapy !!) then went on trying to find out what my H was attracted to in me (difficult one when you’re just past DDay2 and your self esteem is way below zero!!) She kept repeating that he would not have married me if at a certain point he didn’t fall for something. I thought it was very strange coming out of this first consult and having the impression she kept pushing the EA out of the picture. With a lot of respect though; it did not feel like she would minimize it put she did not want to go there at that time, did not want to make it a focus point to explore, instead put it back to the times we were happy. In a strange way I realized during the EA I had just turned around the things he actually fell for and that didn’t help in the recovery.
I do not in any way agree with what this PR is saying. I to think everybody (male or female) have a choice and should bare the consequences at all times but maybe we should try and find something sensible in this (even if we have to turn his words around to find one). No use in wasting energy on this guy, already I am wasting to much on the OW. Trying to make things turn around and progress, and I did try forcing myself to cherish, playfully my H (even when I was raging inside), I sometimes felt like I was a whore …but it opened doors. To my H it felt like we suddenly doing OK until I opened up little by little. I think it helped get him out of the angry defensive position. Going on to 2y past DD2 and never thought I would make it this far but with ups and downs the outcome is still going up…
CBB, you bring up a good point. I feel like I am the complete opposite of the person my husband fell in love with. However, that person was loved, cherished, respected and made to feel so very valued. The affair stripped all of that away from me. I was very open, loving and trusting. Exactly the things he took advantage of when he had his affair. I really am struggling lately to get “myself” back. For me. Because I have come to the conclusion that I do not like who I have become, and I’m not going to change FOR HIM. It triggers resentment when I feel that way, as though he gets to go off and have his nasty bit on the side and then come home to the same loving, devoted wife he has always had. You are also right that I too waste too much time thinking about the OW. I keep telling myself that in the end, she lost. But on the other hand, I do NOT want to have to FIGHT to keep my husband. I resent that tremendously that he could take up with a woman 100 pounds heavier than i am, and that openly dislikes kids (we have FOUR). She is opposite of me in every way. If I can compete against THAT, I sometimes feel hopeless against who might come along in the future.
EG
What do you mean you don’t like who you’ve become? You had to fight for you marriage and husband. We’ve been through a great trauma and there’s no going back. We have to perfect who we are. No we can’t let this define us but we can use it as a huge life lesson, learn from it, grow from it and become better people. We are no longer the trusting innocents but maybe that wasn’t so good. I’ve become much stronger as a woman because of this. Maybe I’m being prepared for worse traumas. I don’t know and I do know there are worse things in life than a cheating husband. His bad behavior is a mark on his character not yours. You’ve been a great inspiration to me and I’m sure a lot of others. And you know what if you’ve felt extra hatred in your heart towards the skank that’s okay because guess what, she freaking deserves it. It will pass someday as I am sure you are already seeing in the mean time just embrace it. You are not a bad person for feeling that way. It’s normal. Yeah ok I know we are supposed to forgive our fellow man just as God forgives us but there’s nothing in that that says we have to do it right away. Give yourself permission to go ahead and hate her. I don’t buy into that bullshit about how hating someone only hurts the haters. I feel better when I hate the OW! Keep you chin up sister you’re ok, he’s not!
In dislike my h ow, with a passion. She doesn’t deserve my respect, my admiration, or even the title of family.
I’ve had dreams of her over the oats couple of weeks and it is driving me nuts. She haunted my life for ages and is now haunting my dreams.
I too often look at myself and wonder, who am I? I don’t know who I am anymore. So I see where you are coming from EG, but you have to know we may be lost and trying to find ourselves again, but we are still the better person.
I hate the ow because she was a supposed friend and because she is s ungrateful for her husband and children. shehas the luxury of being a stay at home mom. she fills two days a week with rendezvous with my H. I wanted children and he did not. lately he has taken to daily commentaries on how proud he is that he did not procreate. mostly I hate the ow because I have allowed her to steal my confidence. I never felt more beautiful or bspecial then when my h ad I first got together. when he could not get enough of me and I felt his eyes upon me when I walked into a room. as he withdrew his love from me I gained weight and am struggling to lose it all. when you are 46 you can’t be 27 again or 39 like the ow. how could I be who he fell in love with when he withdrew the care, concern and admiration? he has yoyo’d weight wise and that never affected how I poured my love onto him. Their full blown PA has crushed me. but all the lies even more so.
The lies are hard to get over.
I always felt loved from my h, he always told me, even upto a month before he left overseas, we were talking about a neighbor who hit 40 and left her h, he said two me, Is that what your going to do when you hit 40′ are you going to leave me and then chase after someone younger?
Of course not, I would never do that to you, because I love you, you are the one I want to be with, was my answer.
He was so happy and relieved. He told me how I was the only one for him and how muc he loved me.
Next thing two months approx after that conversation upon his return from os, I find out he is in love with cousin it.
Even a month before he left for os, he had told me that he would never do anything with her, as it’s not him, he is with who he wants to be with, that I was his baby.
That was after I had asked him what her intentions were.
He had also told me, that e ad told her nothing will ever happen between them, to make sure she understood.
So of course it makes me wonder how we got to this place. He was worried I would leave him for someone else, yet the one person e said he could never be with and told her that, happened and he almost left me, in the space of a month of him going overseas to returning home.
The weekend a few days before he went os, we celebrated our children’s 1st birthday and 20th birthday, cousin it was there. We had a dog who was quite playful.
Well cousin it was scared of dogs, so I had to block access from him so she could go outside. Well he got through the barricade and she ran screaming, of course I stopped him before he jumped on her, but thinking back now, I should have left him, maybe he would have eaten her. Lol
Actually he would have jumped on her and licked her to death.
You know what I just realized that was my h dog, if he left me he wouldn’t have been able to have his gorgeous dog, because of her, and he loved that dog. We had to give him away when we moved to our apartment. Such a beautiful dog.
However, he wouldn’t have been dog less if he went with her, he would of had a female bitch to contend with. I wonder if he would of had her desexed, so she wouldn’t breed.
You know how babies are good at knowing people’s characters?
My baby hated the ow, she kept wanting to hold her and every time she did my liitle girl would scream her lungs off just to get back to me.
Yet she wanted to take my children off me and raise them as her own, over my dead body, even then I would have haunted her.
This man is infantilising his own sex with his comments. He’s suggesting that his own sex doesn’t have the ability to control themselves or think rationally when faced with an available woman. It’s the same sort of argument that blames women for being assaulted not the men who do it. ‘they can’t help themselves’ – surely men should be out there tell men like this w*nker to shut up speaking for them as he’s talking crap?