Here’s a common scenario…
Your spouse had an affair and pretty much put you through hell. Your family was there to help you pick up the pieces and support you as best they could.
The long and short of it is that the fog lifted, your spouse begged for forgiveness and said he/she would do anything to fix things. And in fact your spouse has done everything to make amends. You go to marriage counseling together, there is no contact and your spouse is following the 24 steps to help you heal (from our book).
The problem now is that your family members all seem to have an opinion on what you should be doing or should have done – and it is pissing you off. You’re getting pressure from them as if you are a fool to have given your spouse a second chance.
Keep in mind that you would NOT be giving your spouse a second chance had he/she not been doing everything you needed. You are more than capable of taking care of yourself and your kids on your own.
Your decision was based on your spouse’s effort and you not wanting to throw years of marriage away or tear apart your family. Things are getting better for you two every day and you can be proud of the work you both have been doing over the last several months to repair and rebuild your relationship.
Your family all treats your spouse like an outcast and he/she has become the whipping post for snide and sarcastic comments. It now seems your spouse is always wrong or “crossing” the line and your family is very critical of him/her.
At some point you will probably feel you have witnessed enough of this treatment and will explode. After all this is YOUR life and YOUR decision and they can either support you or get out of the way.
It is bad enough I have to deal with the whole affair thing. Now you have to deal with family drama too.
So this week’s discussion…
How do you handle the family dynamics and drama after an affair?
Any advice on how to deal with family (and friends) who may not share the same optimistic goals that you have?
If you have lived through a similar scenario, how did you handle your own “well meaning” family and friends?
Please respond to one another in the comment section below.
Linda & Doug