For our discussion this week we want to branch out, if you will, from Monday’s post that dealt with the monetary costs of infidelity. Our topic will deal with financial infidelity.
Wikipedia says that…
Financial infidelity is the secretive act of spending money, possessing credit and credit cards, holding secret accounts or stashes of money, borrowing money, or otherwise incurring debt unknown to one’s spouse, partner, or significant other.
The website Divorce360 says that “…A married person who habitually spends more than he makes and runs up debt or borrows from future earnings, retirement, whether it’s hidden or not, and knows that this is contrary to his spouse’s wishes, is being unfaithful to the health of the marriage relationship. He is demonstrating a lack of respect, reciprocity, prudence, honesty, especially if he knows that that style of money management is distressing to his spouse.”
Further, according to a 2005 Harris Interactive poll of almost 1,800 people, about one in three adults had lied to their significant other about how much money they spent on themselves or their children. About one in four adults called this kind of infidelity worse than the sexual kind.
According to Divorce360, the problem is that financial infidelity can lead to bigger lies, large debt and possibility emotional cheating as well.
So now that you have a little bit of background on what financial infidelity is…
Have you or your spouse ever committed financial infidelity? If so, please describe your (or your spouse’s) transgressions and the consequences.
Do you feel that if there was financial infidelity within your relationship that it in some way led to the marital infidelity? If so, in what way?
Thank you so much for sharing and as always, please reply to one another in the comment section below.
All the best!
Linda & Doug
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6 replies to "Discussion – Financial Infidelity in Your Marriage"
I guess financial infidelity is the only type of infidelity we have NOT experienced. Somehow that doesn’t feel as lucky as it should! I am a stay at home mom, and have been fortunate that my husband has never kept me on a tight financial leash or held that over my head. At the same time, I have always been respectful of how hard he works to allow me to stay home with the kids, and so I am careful with OUR money. I have a self-imposed mental limit of around one hundred dollars for “major” purchases, and then I consult him. He has rarely said no.
During the affair, he did not buy the ow woman gifts. Their meals out and hotel bills were all tied to the business, and from that perspective, justifiable. Her salary would be the only grey area. She certainly made more than she actually earned, but that’s the stupidity of going into business with someone that can’t work on your level! So again, a grey area.
As I said in a previous post. At least $100,000.00. Just made him look like a bigger hero in her eyes. He looked like Donald Trump to her.
Tryinghard, That’s the thing it’s the hero ego boost that the h can’t seem to get enough of. Trying to be this hero for the ow, when they should be being our hero, our families hero, not someone that is clearly wanting them for what they give. I don’t understand how our h can be so blinded, when so much loss goes on around them, it makes my head hurt just thinking about it and how irresponsible our h were.
I think this is stretching the word infidelity. In my opinion overspending and credit card adiiction is just that an addiction like alcohol, gambling, drugs, etc. If I found out my husband was overspending the reaction wouldnt be the same as an affair. While I agree elements like lying and keeping secrets are the same to me this isnt infidelity.
Hi Doug,
Have you or your spouse ever committed financial infidelity? If so, please describe your (or your spouse’s) transgressions and the consequences.
Yes, I the BS was the one who committed financial infidelity. I was earning more than him and so tired of always financing the household expenses. For once I wanted to spend on myself but it got too far and I am over my head with credit card bills. MY H got to know about it and blew his top over the whole episode. I broke down and cried so hard apologizing to him for messing up our finances. I am still working and struggling to pay off my debts.
Do you feel that if there was financial infidelity within your relationship that it in some way led to the marital infidelity? If so, in what way?
My H could not get over the financial betrayal and was sinking into depression when he met the OW on FB and started the EA with her. She was an old flame from high school and they have not had any contact for the past 26 years, so yes I admit, in a way, I did contribute to the EA even tough I am NOT responsible for their selfishness in concealing the EA from me and her spouse.
My ex’s EA/PA was preceded by years of Financial infidelity. She was spending money like crazy out of our joint account, which I alone funded. She had racked up thousands on credit cards that I didn’t even know existed including some she opened in my name (I didn’t know about) I couldn’t make money fast enough for her to spend. She would even buy stuff on my card and then return it for the cash refund. Keep in mind that she hid all of this from me. This was possible because I naively let her run the household finances.
It started out slow but over the years she got out of control. She had over 200 pairs of shoes…I have 5.
After I figured out what was going on, and put a stop to it, she was bitter for a while. About a year later she started her affair.
There is just a very deep level of dishonesty within her. This is who she became. I don’t believe she was always like that…when I married her. Either she changed or she was just putting on an act the first 10 years of our marriage.