Almost 87% of you are still married after discovery of the affair. And most of you made that decision fairly soon after D-day. Why is that?
In one of our reader surveys it was apparent that most of those who responded made the decision rather quickly to remain married after the affair.
The data showed that 80.3% of the respondents decided within one year on whether or not to get a divorce, with 74.4% deciding to stay married.
All told, 86.3% responded that they are in fact still married. There is still some uncertainty (21.5%), but the overwhelming choice was/is to stay married.
The questions we asked were:
How long after discovery was there a decision as to whether to stay married or get a divorce?
Less than 3 months – 42.7%
Three months to a year – 37.6%
More than a year – 19.7%
What was the decision?
To stay married – 74.4%
To get a divorce – 4.1%
Still undecided – 21.5%
One of the readers made the following statement that was interesting:
I suspect that if the majority of respondents had been male rather than female, the number of couples remaining married would have been far less. In my experience, women who have been betrayed are far more likely to ‘forgive’ and put the needs of their families/children above their own….and far more able to be the ones who re-build the relationship.”
We thought perhaps this would make for a good topic for discussion. So, we’re going to change things up a bit this week and have a focused discussion on this topic, rather than just an open forum of sorts.
Here are the discussion questions to consider…
- With so many of you deciding rather quickly to remain married after an affair, what were the driving forces for that decision?
- Any particular reason (or reasons) for making the decision rather quickly? For instance, was it due to fear, love, forgiveness, financial concerns, or desire to keep the family together?
- Conversely, for any of you who decided to divorce, what were the driving forces behind that decision – and why was it made rather soon after discovery of the affair?
Please reply in the comment section below with as much detail as necessary, and feel free to respond to one another.
Linda & Doug