After the affair your marriage will never be the same as it once was. That’s a simple reality. The affair has forever altered the course of your relationship and your life.
It can’t be taken back and you can’t pretend it didn’t happen. You will never forget the affair.
If you work to heal and save your marriage, it probably won’t haunt you as it does now, as you can get to a place where the memories and the pain move to the back of your mind and only arise on rare occasions, but you can’t erase the event from your memory no matter how much you try.
What you can do is make your marriage better than it has ever been. You can get to a place where you experience more happiness, more safety, more honesty, and more love than you did before the affair.
Believe it or not, it’s possible that you can use the affair as a means to catapult you to a marriage that is far better than it was before. I know that might be hard to imagine at this moment.
Dr. Gunzburg in his book “How to Survive an Affair” says there are four things you need to start the process toward making your marriage better than ever:
1. Love. Without love, no marriage thrives. Love is the foundation. You can’t have a deeply connected relationship without it.
2. Commitment. Both of you have to be committed to each other and to the process of working through the difficulties in your relationship if you’re going to heal it. If only one of you makes this commitment, it will be much harder and perhaps impossible to save your marriage.
3. Hard Work. This process isn’t going to be easy. Healing from an affair takes diligent attention over an extended period of time. That’s just reality.
4. Knowledge. Even if you have love and commitment and you both are willing to work hard, if you don’t know how to make your marriage better than ever, it probably isn’t going to happen. You can seek out and acquire the knowledge you need as long as you have the other three factors in place.
Our topic this week centers on these questions…Do you dream of going back to the way things once were in your relationship? How would it be useful to return to the past-what changes would you have made then that you could make now? What are your thoughts on creating a marriage that is better than ever after the affair? Do you think it can be done given your current circumstances?
Please respond to each other in the comment section.
Have a great day!
Doug & Linda