When infidelity strikes your marriage and you are struggling with forgiving, trusting and healing (among other things), it can be very easy to forget the things that once drew you and your spouse together in the first place.
As a result, you may relate to this past comment from a reader:
“I have a hard time remembering the good times of thirty years, as strange as that sounds. The EA (emotional affair) colored all that with doubts and questions. I harbor a lot of negative thoughts about my husband. I tend to look at everything critically now when before I was much more easy-going. I tend to be much more vocal about the mistakes he makes than before. All of this is because of the EA, nothing else. His selfishness is the one thing I keep thinking about – how selfish this was and how I never noticed that trait in him before, which, as I look back I do see NOW. So yes, the EA definitely changed how I look at my spouse. The rose-colored glasses got broken along with my heart.”
Looking for anything positive in your relationship during this crisis will be a challenge at first, and it can be difficult to get past all of the negativity that is flying around – especially if you’re dealing with the post-traumatic stress of an affair when your emotions are up and down while your thoughts are obsessive.
You may be struggling through a very difficult period right now, but beneath the pain of today there must surely be happy memories that you have shared with your spouse, as well as appreciable positive qualities in your spouse – even though he/she has caused you so much pain.
So, our discussion questions for this week…
Have you been caught up in a web of negative thoughts and feelings about your marriage?
Is it tough for you to think about any of the good in your spouse and in your marriage?
What impact have your thoughts after the affair had on your ability to move forward and feel positive about the future of your marriage?
As always, please respond to others in the comment section.
Linda & Doug
PS: Last week we had a discussion/challenge about being happy and positive. It would be wonderful for those of you who took upon the challenge to give the rest of us a brief update and share how the week went and how you were affected. Please go to the original discussion by clicking this link to share your comments. Thanks!