crazy thingsNote:  We posted this discussion over 2 years ago and it proved to be somewhat successful, so we thought we’d run it again.

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When on the emotional roller coaster that comes with infidelity, one can do some crazy things.  Not necessarily crazy bad – like firing a gun at the cheater – but more like crazy stupid or perhaps even crazy funny.

So let’s try to lighten things up just a bit this week and take a few minutes to share some of those crazy things you’ve done after the affair.

This certainly isn’t an attempt to make light of a very serious situation.  If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time we think you know that is not our style,  but sometimes a little humor can help an otherwise depressing and painful experience – if only for a short while.

Here are some of the things we’ve picked up from comments and/or emails as examples:

  • Leaving the water running for hours while in another room in the home
  • Leaving the door to the car open while shopping in a store
  • Slamming the cheater’s laptop on the driveway
  • Cutting up the cheater’s clothes that were purchased during the affair
  • Went to the OM’s office in the middle of the night and carved a massive A on his window
  • Cleaning the toilet with the cheater’s bath sponge and toothbrush
  • Super sleuth spying and detective work
  • Forgetting to pay bills

…Just to name a few

So…

What are some of the crazy things that you have done after the affair?

Is there anything that you did that you can now look back at and chuckle?

That’s it.

See also  A Little Help Here Please

Please respond to each other in the comment section.

Thanks, and take care!

Linda & Doug

 

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Regaining Control:
Dealing With Obsessive Thoughts, Triggers and Memories of the Affair

Arm yourself with a variety of techniques, practical strategies and  knowledge to help you to manage those intrusive thoughts, triggers and memories of your partner’s affair.

 

    57 replies to "The Crazy Things You Did After the Affair"

    • Cher

      A silly thing that I did was actually helpful in waking up my husband as to what he was doing. After Dday number one my husband continued to message with his emotional AP 24 hours a day on ‘Whatsapp’. A day after gathering electronic proof and confronting my husband the second time I smashed his cellphone to bits.
      This actually made him stop. It has been 2 years now and he has not gotten another smartphone. He is so remorseful and doesn’t want to trigger me in any way. Just let it be that way, he says I don’t deserve what he did to me and yes, he doesn’t deserve a smartphone!

    • TheFirstWife

      Unfortunately I did not have the luxury of doing anything. It was summer and my children were around every day.

      I did manage to get 4 days to reconnect and spend alone just him & I together. It was wonderful. The OW was gone and the affair was ended and we were back on track.
      Or so I thought.
      WheN I found out (from the OW) they were still together I asked him to leave. He pleaded for another chance.
      I relented with one caveat – a post nup. Now any $ I have in my name he does not have access to and is excluded from a divorce settlement (if it ever comes to that). In one year I saved six figures. My mama didn’t raise stupid children that’s for sure!
      As the saying goes hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

    • Joey

      After my second DDay – first false reconciliation – I was all out of sorts. The weeks prior, I was traveling to a client in another state and had finished the project. I found out on a Sunday evening that they had never stopped communicating. Woke up that Monday morning and drove two hours to that client, thinking I had to finish the project. Showed up and the project manager looked like I had two heads, wondering why I was there. I have never been so embarrassed. I think subconsciously I just needed a reason to get away from the woman who had become a complete stranger to me – it turned out to be a very therapeutic four hours worth of driving. Getting my head on straight and let out some emotions that I had been holding in – afterall, my ex always reminded me that “I was the man – and wasn’t allowed to show my hurt.” Man – when I think about it, the craziest thing I did was put up with her bullshit for that long. Scratch that – the craziest thing is I still have love for her 🙁 FML ha

      On a side note, the client thought it was hilarious and we ended up selling more work to them – SCORE!

    • exercisegrace

      When I found out my husband had been having a PA/EA, I went into our closet the next day and completely emptied it of his clothes. Every stitch. Right down to underwear, socks, and even jackets and shoes. He didn’t have anything left. I bagged it all and donated it. Next, I drove to the mall and bought him some new things. He was shocked when he came home, but I told him there was absolutely no way I was going to ever touch, wash, or look at a single item of clothing that might have been peeled off of him by his whore. Their affair lasted a year, so yes all seasons had to go, ha ha ha. It felt very therapeutic.

      • Rachel

        When I found out about my ex’s affair, I packed all of his clothing in bags and boxes.
        Hauled them all in the garage, and added potting soil to each one!

        • Strengthrequired

          How funny. Sometimes I wish I had of done something like that.
          A year into my husbands affair, I found a photo of the ow on his phone, she had sent it to him through message. He was asleep on the lounge at the time.
          I through the phone at him and he jumped out of his sleep. Told him that he was nothing but a liar and if he was so besotted with her, that he was free to leave.

        • TryingHard

          LOL Racel– We could have mixed your h’s clothes and mine together and made mud pies!!!

          • Rachel

            Would have loved to.

      • loveheals

        Exercisegrace, you are my hero. You have convinced me that not only is it OK to imagine getting rid of a couple of my man’s “affair shirts,” I can actually make that dream come true!. He had picked her up for an all-day date at about 9:00 that morning and didn’t get back home until around midnight. The stupid blue oxford cloth shirt is in my closet (he put it there!). I’m donating it to Goodwill in another town and I will tell him about it afterwards. I wish I could get rid of every article of clothing he ever wore while holding her in his arms but can’t afford it.
        What you did is EPIC!

        • Strengthrequired

          Loveheals, fatten him up. My cs affair clothes nolonger fit him, lol. So he can’t wear them. He got rid of all of them. My ch lost heaps of weight when the affair started.

          • loveheals

            Strengthrequired, that’s funny. Mine lost weight too! He wanted to lose weight but I think seeing a much younger woman motivated him even more. He says not.

        • exercisegrace

          loveheals, not only is it “ok” it is HEALTHY. Straight up tell your husband that you will not tolerate having shirts around that remind you of his affair. He should be FINE with that. If he isn’t, I would have some questions for him!

          • Strengthrequired

            If he doesn’t want to get rid of them, stain them, burn an iron hole through it. Lol. Can’t keep it then.

        • Darla

          I got rid of EVERYTHING—clothing, shoes, photos–if he touched it, it was gone.
          EVERYTHING. I didn’t replace one thing.

    • TheFirstWife

      Joey good for you! A success out of a crazy situation.
      Unfortunately I had to ask my CH who he was choosing point blank. He was so shocked that I stood up to him early on and with a “I don’t give a crap” attitude. Just answer the question. Of course he said me and lied.
      The next month after our 4 day stay-cation where I really thought we were on track it fell apart and quickly. So I started talking about us splitting up and being apart. My CH looked at me like I was crazy. He asked why I thought we were going to be apart. B/c you don’t want to be married anymore. That is what I told him. He looked shocked and hurt. It was very shortly after that his OW reappeared and they were together again (although I did not know it). I was ready to kick him to the curb with no $, two kids, a mortgage and no idea if he would even pay alimony or child support.
      That is crazy!

    • TheFirstWife

      Exercise grace. My CH had to get a new car b/c she sat in his. I told him I would never sit in that car again. Now he has a car payment.

      Good for you – I love it when the tables get turned. Then the CS cries and gets upset. It’s all good until the truth comes out.

      I still idolize Lorena Bobbit for cutting off her CH’s privates. She rocks!

      • exercisegrace

        Good for you! My husband had to get a new car too. I should have mentioned that. He screwed his whore one time in the back seat and when I found out, I made him park it behind our house so I wouldn’t have to see it. He initially balked at the idea of trading it in (it was long paid for) and having to have a payment again. I told him I could not guarantee that I wouldn’t take a baseball bat to it (cue the lyrics to “Before He Cheats” through your head) so he had better trade it while it was still in good shape. He now says he is glad it is gone. That he felt guilt at times when he drove it and he is glad the reminder is gone for us both.

        • Strengthrequired

          My h got a new car too, I hated the car he used for his affair. Made me feel sick seeing it.

          • Tabs

            My CH loved his sporty car which everybody but my H agreed was a “babe magnet”. I would sit in the passenger seat and find her hair everywhere. Yuck! Thank goodness it was leased. For the next car, I wouldn’t allow another “babe magnet”. We have a sedan now! He hates it. I love it.

      • Darla

        My CH also turned in his car lease–incurred a major penalty and now takes the bus!

    • Rachel

      Just remember finding a pair of womans reading glasses in my ex’s truck.
      I will never forget the look on his face when I asked, “whose are these”?

      • Strengthrequired

        I’m really hoping we can move our place of business, the ow has been there too. Hate going there because it’s a huge reminder of how much an idiot my h was.

        Rachel what was your exh response? What lame explanation did he have?

        • Rachel

          Strength,
          He laughed . An uncontrollable laugh.
          Hello!!!!! Red flag!!

          • Strengthrequired

            Red flag was right. How was that something to laugh at?

    • theresa

      How about a cheaters POV?
      How crazy was he during and what was the craziest after?
      This is assuming it’s over.
      If it’s not, what are his present activities and does he see himself as doing anything wrong?

      • exercisegrace

        Oh my goodness! Where to even begin. He went into a spiral of criticizing the kids and me. No matter how much we did for him nothing was good enough. At his zenith of crazy, he woke me up at 2am to wash a bowl, spoon and glass in an otherwise spotless kitchen. He ranted that he couldn’t be expected to “live in filth” and he “worked too hard to deserve to be treated this way”. The kids began to scatter to their rooms when they heard him coming in because he had nothing nice to say.

        He also quit attending the kids’ school and sports events. The worst was when teenage daughter was having knee surgery. I woke up before dawn to snow on the ground and still coming down heavily. The roads were bad too. He informed me that he “had too much work to do” and would not be going. I was speechless with shock. He had always been a great dad and nothing would have kept him from his child’s bedside. I white-knuckled the 30 minute drive to the hospital and my poor girl was silent. She was so nervous and to have her dad not be there?! Minutes before they took back to the OR, he came dashing in. After d-day, he admitted his whore didn’t want him to leave work (read:leave her) and attend. She nagged that he wasn’t needed, it was same day surgery, surely I was handling it, blah blah.

        Psychologically the worst for me was constantly being told how paranoid, jealous and crazy I was. Several times he told me I “needed to be medicated” and more than once he said I needed to be put in a mental hospital. Ironically, when I reached the end of my tether and told him I surely MUST be crazy, because it seemed like things were all wrong and if he wasn’t cheating then it must be me…….so I was going to go seek counseling. He promptly informed me at that point he would consider it the first step to divorce. What a shit! He knew a trained counselor would see right through his BS and tell me he most certainly WAS cheating.

    • Rachel

      Excersise grace,
      Are you still with him?

      • exercisegrace

        Rachel, yes we are still together. He ended the affair without being caught, threw himself fully back into our marriage and I thought we had dodged a bullet. When she outed the affair, it was an enormous setback. We had two years of individual and couples’ counseling. Today he is back to being the man I always knew. He has done and continues to do what I ask him. Not perfectly, but I know where his heart is. He doesn’t blame me for the affair. He “sees” our marriage for what it has always been and genuinely grieves the choices he made. Still, it is a hard road. Knowing he was able to do what he did is something I have to learn to live with. Some days are easier than others.

    • TheFirstWife

      Exercisegrace
      It is so weird how we all have the same ecperiences. We are crazy, it is our fault, there is nothing going on except inside our heads, etc.
      If I had to write a list of signs of an affair it would be very very different than the ones I have read.
      My husband was only MIA one night. He never came home drunk or late. His whereabouts were accountable ((even if a lie it still was “work” or “late meeting). He was still involved as a parent and attentive to our kids.
      The commonality is his anger towards me, his justification of why his EA/PA was ok, everything I ever did wrong was now a huge f*?!ing deal when it never mattered before, nothing I did was good enough or right, he had this mid life crisis and believed the lies he was telling himself that “he deserved to be happy”‘and all the crap that went along with that.
      The dramatic behavior change is the real clue. I noticed something on my birthday about 3 months before the 1st DDay. I thought his behavior a bit different but ignored it. Looking back it was an early sign.
      I think we all have an early sign we dismiss, but it is subtle and very much under the radar.

      I think those of us on this blog could write a more accurate list of signs your spouse is cheating. Obviously dressing better or paying more attention to appearance is one, but my CH did not do that. He did not start working out either (but he did not need to). I did notice he had his iPad near him more often. Especially after the 1st DDay.
      I just wonder what are the less obvious signs before DDay that could have clued us in?

      • exercisegrace

        TheFirstWife, yes they operate out of some weird playbook. Pathetic and predictable as it may be. Curiously, my husband didn’t try to get in shape or buy in any new clothes. He did go and get his teeth whitened during the affair but I had recently had mine done so this didn’t ring any alarm bells. I had some long discussions with both of our counselors because I felt so stupid for all the things I ignored. But hindsight is 20/20 as they say. Looking back, many little things add up. But at the time, I trusted him completely. He had over 20 years of being an excellent husband, completely trustworthy and honorable. I was assured it wasn’t a bad thing that I believed in him, it actually speaks highly of MY character.

      • SoManyTears

        The first thing I noticed was my CH began withholding sexual contact with me. He complained of fatigue and back problems. Both excuses were completely believable as he had a previous back injury and was in his mid 50’s. Just like your’s, mine never changed his personal appearance. Several months into his 15 month long affair, he began to find fault with me. If I was talking to him, he’d look at me with disgust. Then he began to act angry. This was very unlike him, so I questioned why he was so mad at me. He always said it was nothing. Now, looking back, I remember him not sitting next to me when the OW came to visit us at our home. He always sat directly across from her. Also, I remember him bashing her quite a bit. He says he did that to “throw me off the trail”. He should be ashamed.

      • Melinda

        This would make a great article / thread on its own!

    • TheFirstWife

      Theresa. My CH now admits his crazy behavior and all he did and the lies and justifications he told himself.
      I think part of the lure was the drama the OW put on him and how she was trying very hard to get him to leave. I held the door open a few times and stood up and confronted him about leaving and being with her. He always denied it and said he was not with her.
      The first night he said he wanted to divorce I asked about OW and he said “MAYBE” he would contact her when the dust settled and we were separated and settled. Truth was I was still in our bedroom at 7 am (after just being told he was leaving me) and he IMMEDIATELY emailed her saying “hang on things are changing”.
      Of course he never thought I would see the email bit in revenge mode the OW sent it to me.
      My CH admits all of it was crazy. And he takes full responsibility for everything (now)

    • Tryinghard

      The day after he left I threw his clothes, shoes, boots out on the driveway and soaked them with the garden hose. It was sooooo cathartic. Do.Not.Regret.It!!! Lol he came to pick them up off the driveway all soaked. I would have left them there and run over them. This was done after a Xanax and ambien induced night before. Yeah my doc said to take the ambien and 4 Xanax. Well I took one more ambien to sleep only I had too much adrenaline and nothing worked!! This only lead to an evening of driving around looking for him at local hotels and not finding him and him not answering his cell phone which only further enraged me to commit what some folks might call “criminal acts”. Whatever!!! But here’s the rub. I DONT FEEL BAD OR REGRET ANYTHING I DID! I should but I don’t. Well the drug part and driving I do but none of the rest. Fuck em!

      • Strengthrequired

        Th, I love your attitude. I bought a treadmill yesterday after going to a sports shop for a pair of shoes for my children, instead ended up getting talked into this. Lol. In the pre affair days I would have called my h, if he minds I get it. Not this time, gets delivered next week. I wanted it so I got it. Lol. Just like how he did what he wanted during his affair. Just taking one out of his book.

    • betrayedchump

      I asked my x CS to text me the same picture that I discovered she had sent to her EA MM AP that day. She said OK, she had nothing to hide, I was shocked that she agreed to send it to me. Well I didn’t clearly state to her to forward the same text/pic to me, so she sends me a picture of a bird’s nest in the rose bush on our front porch. I was FURIOUS that she didn’t forward the same fricking text/picture to me that she sent to her MM AP!!!! I gave her the ultimatum that night, him or me!!!! She told me that she wasn’t going to let me control who she could text, email, talk to on the phone or fakebook with, WTF???? So after asking/begging/pleading/demanding her to stop all contact with her MM AP five times before I left our house, I drove 300 miles & I took a picture of my bird (the finger). Sent it to her & her MM AP, & asked them what they thought of my bird? Then I went on an all night texting/phone calling rant to her MM AP cell phone (I sent each & every one of the texts to her cell phone also). She & her MM AP had texted each other 110 times in one 19 hour span so I told them both I was going to break their texting record that night. 150+ texts & 40 phone calls later to her MM AP phone I finally went to bed @ 6:30 am.
      FUCK EM BOTH!!!!!
      Peace to All

      • Strengthrequired

        Betrayed, so what did they think of your bird, lol. I have to say a lot more nicer than the one you were sent. I copied my h all the texts I sent his ow too. Just so he would see that when she tells him I said this or that, that he knew I didnt. It used to cause them arguments too, lol. I sent her a picture of my then one year old, and said, how can you look at yourself in the mirror each and everyday while you try to break our home, this little girls home. How can you bare looking at this little girl and not feel ashamed.
        Of course fell on deaf ears.

        • betrayedchump

          SR,
          My bird wasn’t hiding in no bush like their bird was!!!!
          Same reason as you stated SR for sending all my texts to her also that night, didn’t want him to tell her I texted something to him that I didn’t. As I told both of them that night: This is a three-way conversation, NO SECRETS, NO SNEAKING AROUND, EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT IS BEING SAID TO EACH OTHER! It feel on deaf/dumb/blind ears too!!!! The cheaters have NO SHAME, after all they have done nothing wrong? They are entitled to be happy & don’t care who gets hurt in their quest for happiness? Unbelievable an adult (by age not mentality) human being can do that to a child that did absolutely nothing to hurt them!!!!
          “Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.”
          ― Mark Twain
          Peace to All

    • Al

      I found out about the beginning of my wife’s EA almost immediately, which sent her into the full blown physical affair. I had the guy’s address and knew my wife was at his place when she said she was at work. SO for a long time, I dreamed of taking our bed and setting it up on his front lawn.. never got to do that. However, after about 2 years of the affair and her flaking out on yet another time when she was supposed to have the kids, I packed up EVERYTHING she had left in the house (old clothes, old bills, childhood items, her entire CD collection, her Wedding Dress, Every gift I had ever given her except the wedding ring…)and barricaded the guy’s front door in. It took me about 30 minutes unloading everything and they didn’t notice until she had to get up and “go home from work.”

      • betrayedchump

        Al,
        YOU THE MAN!!!! You did the woulda, coulda, shoulda thing that I wanted to do with my x CS’s things to our front door on D Day! Still pissed @ myself for NOT doing exactly what you did!!!!
        “Values are like fingerprints. Nobody’s are the same, but you leave ’em all over everything you do”
        ― Elvis Presley
        Peace to All

        • Strengthrequired

          Al, love it. So what was their response, I bet it was priceless?

          • Al

            Oh she continued to deny that she was ever there. I was at work already, but got the “you should really look in windows before making assumptions text.” I texted her back the pic of her car from the beginning of the night.

    • loveheals

      Things I did which were fallout from his affair:

      -Not able to sleep all night, even when I had to work the next day.
      -Believed his lies, and let him convince me that I was the crazy, unreasonable “jealous spouse.”
      -Apologized to him for my suspicions because it “hurt his feelings” that I didn’t trust him
      -I had three car accidents in three weeks due to inattention related to stress of the affair and his escalating cruelty toward me.. He yelled, criticized and scolded me yet went running to her side to fix two tires she blew out when she was driving to buy beer.
      -Believed him when he said he had to drive an hour just to help her get cat food because she was unemployed and couldn’t afford it (she was unemployed because she went to work at a senior care facility hung over from drinking).

      So, in reality, friends, our cheating spouses were really the ones who led the “crazy charge,” not us, the loyal spouses.

      • Strengthrequired

        Loveheals, our cs took the lead, but they paved our road to crazy town. We were the unwilling participants, in their seek for glory. They beat us down with their affair, put the ap ahead of us, but we kept getting up. We weren’t as hell bent on going to crazy town, as much as they were, so we turned around. If they followed us, they did, if they didn’t then they can have crazy town for themselves, and they can take a new passenger along for the ride, the ap, that is of course if the ap doesn’t already live there.

        • loveheals

          Yes! It was crazy town. By the way, although my guy never had intercourse with the creepy girlfriend they kissed many times in his car. He took her out to a party one night and she passed out sloppy drunk in the car. I also found her sunglasses and a fancy cookie cutter in the car. He made a special trip (2 hours round-trip) to take her sunglasses back to her. I took the cookie cutter on a special trip all its own…to the trashcan. We did a ritual thing with the car. I smudged it with fresh native sage and he cleaned the car thoroughly, inside and out. He said he “de-cootiefied” it. He has had no contact with the affair partner in about 5 months. He sent her father some books in December (grrrrrr), which I consider a form of contact.
          I called the other woman one time to tell her to leave us alone and to refrain from any contact.
          It worked.
          He’s really trying. Just recently he wrote a note to a friend to clean up a misconception about the other woman. It meant a lot to me.
          We’re starting to laugh about it sometimes, joking about when he took leave of his senses.
          It was so strange.

    • TrustingGod

      Al,

      Thank you so much for sharing. I laughed out loud when I read what you did. That’s kind of rare these days. I wish sometimes that I could’ve done something like that, just to get some of the anger out, but I never had the opportunity, and wouldn’t have known where to go, anyway.

      • Strengthrequired

        Trustinggod, one day I found my ch car at the ow place. It was an apartment block. I was so angry, I went up and pressed the buzzer and someone answered. I told this woman to send my ch down right now, told her a few other things. Then backed away from the buzzer and waited. Not London later my ch comes down, asked what I was doing there. Asked him the same thing, of course he gave some lame excuse. It was only after having a conversation with him at home did I find out, I pressed the wrong buzzer, I was telling some other woman off, not the ow? Lol. I felt good there for a moment until I found that out, she didn’t get to hear what I said to her, and neither did my ch.

    • Al

      There may or may not be an ecard of the AP floating around the internet…which may or may not be the reason my wife was demoted from her job where she supervised this AP. Just so everyone knows, none of my antics have been helpful.

      • betrayedchump

        Al,
        You are wrong about none of your antics being helpful, your antics helped YOU deal with the betrayal by your CS!!!! Better that you did the antics you did rather than the ones you thought about doing to her or her AP & never carried through!!!! Hey your antic of piling her things in front of her AP’s front door helped me have a big laugh & I said Attaboy Al, priceless antic in my book!!!!
        “Life at times is a bunch of crap, the nice part about crap is that it’s biodegradable.”
        ― Kyle Johnson
        Peace to All

    • exercisegrace

      Speaking of physical symptoms, I had developed ulcers well before I knew of their affair. I also had a number of urinary tract infections. My ob/gyn would later tell me this is common when you are being cheated on. Foreign bacteria and all that. Gross. I had wild nightmares where I dreamed that my husband drove me back to our hometown, hundreds of miles away and left me. Crazy, stress dreams.

      • SoManyTears

        I too had several uti’s and yeast(?) Infections during my CH’s 15 month long affair. Although, BOTH swear there was never any sexual contact. Hmmm…the OW had anal cancer from HPV. Somehow, I now have anal HPV. What are the odds? She died 3 months ago, as her anal cancer spread to her spine. I’m now in treatment.

    • SoManyTears

      My CH and I have many personalized things around the house with his and my name on them. You know, marriage quotes and heart plaques. After Dday, I had a horrible realization that my CH really loved the OW and it broke my heart that he’d only married me because she’d moved away. I painted over my name, on all the plaques, and wrote her name in. I also cut my face out of all our pictures together and replaced them with her face. It made me feel good to see him with his true love, but it pissed him off…BIG TIME!

    • Helen G

      I paid for a full tank of gas then drove off while I was getting bombarded with obscene texts from the OW. I realized 3 hrs later that my tank was still empty

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