by Sarah P.
Take A Queue From Anne Wojcicki While Keeping Your Head Held High
The couple, who is currently living separately, have two young children. They have been pegged as Generation X’s answer to Bill and Melinda Gates.
If you read my other post about when men do stupid things, you’ll remember that Anne Wojcicki is one of my role models in life. At the age of 40, Anne, a Yale graduate, has managed to succeed in developing her own biotechnology company that might hold the key to ending diseases such as Parkinson’s and cancer forever.
In addition to that, she has been the woman partially behind the tremendous success of Google, a company co-owned by her husband of several years, Sergey Brin. But, that’s not all—Anne is a philanthropist who donates millions of dollars per year to various global charities. Amid all of this, she still has time for her young son and daughter as well as staying physically fit. Can we say Superwoman?
So, it came as a shock to me when it was announced last summer that Anne and her husband Sergey Brin had separated due to Sergey’s affair with a mid-level manager at Google. Even Superwoman is not immune is bad days.
After Sergey’s affair was discovered, there was a media feeding frenzy. Sergey had moved out of their primary residence, but there was speculation as to whether or not Sergey and Anne would legally separate.
The week the affair was discovered, Sergey’s mistress, Amanda, became the most Googled person for an entire week straight. She did not seem to be even a tiny bit bothered that her name was associated with such a sordid tale. Amanda, who was also Sergey’s employee, could be found posting wedding dresses on her Pinterest account without an ounce of shame.
Meet Today’s Other Woman
The days of mistresses hiding their heads in shame and denying involvement, sadly, are long gone. Today’s other women are busy planning their weddings and picking out China patterns before divorce papers have even been filed.
Today’s other women are playing a shameless game of hardball and your husband is the metaphorical World Series Commissioner’s Trophy for which they are playing. What’s astounding is that these women intend to win and they are capable of almost anything in order to win.
When I was growing up, I remember a certain print magazine advertisement with a slim model coolly holding a hot cigarette. The caption read: “You’ve come a long way, baby.” While women have come a long way in the past 50 years, the utter shamelessness of today’s other woman puts marriages in a position of setbacks. In this sense, women, as a group, have not come a long way whatsoever.
Stuck in the Middle With You
Since many of today’s ‘other women’ have no shame in terms of their actions, women like Sergey Brin’s mistress perceive the attention either as neutral or as ‘free publicity’. After all, people are now talking about them and this provides them with a false sense of importance (and possibly even power). Perhaps some mistresses even like being ‘outed’
Because many of them refuse to leave their married lover, even after the wife finds out about the affair, this puts the couple and the lover in a unique position. The mistress does not want to give up her position as ‘the third wheel’.
As we know, three is a crowd, and oftentimes the unfaithful spouse feels stuck in the middle. When a mistress refuses to give up, it becomes harder for the unfaithful spouse to break ties.
When the mistress refuses to break ties and when the unfaithful husband feels weakened by his mistress’s continuing bids for attention, saving the marriage is now up to the wife.
No one ever said life is fair and this is certainly one of those instances.
So what is a wife to do?
Showdown at High Noon
You could certainly put on your best pair of shiny cowgirl boots and your holster, but, since we don’t live in the Wild West, this is not a realistic option. However, we can certainly have a metaphorical showdown at high noon with the other woman.
When the split of Anne Wojckicki and Sergey Brin was first announced, all of the news agencies were speculating on how they would split their billion-dollar assets. We live in a world where getting a divorce is the obvious choice, especially in the cases of billionaires.
Within this social climate, we don’t even consider that there is another option. However, almost a year after Anne and Sergey’s split, the dust is settling and we are beginning to see how things are actually shaping up.
Standing By Your Man
Vanity Fair published a long expose about this scandal in their April issue. The things that they reported are surprising—mainly that it appears Anne Wojchicki will not grant a divorce.
After the dust settled of the revelation of the affair settled, Sergey moved out of their residence, but Anne decided not to formally separate. Almost a year later, they are reported to be great friends and co-parents. They have been seen hosting various events together and looking as if nothing happened.
Sergey still lives in an apartment, Sergey and Anne are still (non-legally) separated, Sergey’s mistress still works with him at Google, and Sergey still has romantic ties to his mistress.
Vanity Fair reported that…
Sergey feels great about the current situation where he is able to remain married to Anne while still carrying on a romantic relationship with the other woman.
Who Is the Loser?
Is Anne the loser?
Is Sergey the loser?
Or is the other woman the loser?
Well, in a sense, all three of them lose in this situation. But, each of them loses in a different way.
Maybe we should look at it another way: who will come out the winner?
Well, depending on which outcome the others want, it is most likely that Anne will come out the winner if she stands by her man. The OW is not going to come out the winner because she will inevitably get dumped.
The fact is that 90% of the men who have affairs do not leave their wives. Of the 10% of men who do, only 1% of those men remain in a relationship with the other woman. In this case, the statistics are overwhelmingly in favor of the wife, that is, if she wants to stay in the marriage.
So, the statistics show that if the other woman refuses to leave, you can ‘wait it out’. Ultimately, the relationship between the other woman and your husband will fizzle out.
So, as a wife, all you need to do is ride out the storm and wait until the affair fizzles out on its own.
When Riding It Out Isn’t an Option, Sue for Alienation of Affection
If you would like to accelerate the time that you have to wait for the OW to give up, there is another way.
Sue for alienation of affection.
If you live in one of seven U.S. states, you can sue the other woman for alienation of affection. These states include: Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah.
If you can prove that there was willful interference in your marriage from an outsider and you live in one of these states, you can initiate this type of lawsuit.
These lawsuits are more successful than one might believe. For example, in 2009, a North Carolina woman named Cindy Shackelford successfully sued the other woman and was awarded nine million dollars!
(Hey, if you cannot win the lottery, sounds like suing the OW for alienation of affection might be a reasonable alternative!)
All humor aside, I do believe that there are many cases when such lawsuits are warranted. In addition to that, I believe that these lawsuits send a message to others that stealing husbands and breaking up homes will no longer be tolerated.
I believe that even if a wife does not recover money from such a lawsuit, the fact that she launched one sends an invaluable message to society.
After all, when homes are broken up, ultimately the victims are innocent children. This is why I do not tolerate infidelity.
Tell me what you think: if you live in one of the seven states that permits such a lawsuit, would you consider filing one?