Anne Wojcicki and her husband Sergey Brin at an awards ceremony in early 2014.

by Sarah P.

Take A Queue From Anne Wojcicki While Keeping Your Head Held High 

The couple, who is currently living separately, have two young children. They have been pegged as Generation X’s answer to Bill and Melinda Gates.

If you read my other post about when men do stupid things, you’ll remember that Anne Wojcicki is one of my role models in life. At the age of 40, Anne, a Yale graduate, has managed to succeed in developing her own biotechnology company that might hold the key to ending diseases such as Parkinson’s and cancer forever.

In addition to that, she has been the woman partially behind the tremendous success of Google, a company co-owned by her husband of several years, Sergey Brin. But, that’s not all—Anne is a philanthropist who donates millions of dollars per year to various global charities. Amid all of this, she still has time for her young son and daughter as well as staying physically fit. Can we say Superwoman?

So, it came as a shock to me when it was announced last summer that Anne and her husband Sergey Brin had separated due to Sergey’s affair with a mid-level manager at Google. Even Superwoman is not immune is bad days.

After Sergey’s affair was discovered, there was a media feeding frenzy. Sergey had moved out of their primary residence, but there was speculation as to whether or not Sergey and Anne would legally separate.

Sergey Brin’s mistress (other woman)

The week the affair was discovered, Sergey’s mistress, Amanda, became the most Googled person for an entire week straight. She did not seem to be even a tiny bit bothered that her name was associated with such a sordid tale. Amanda, who was also Sergey’s employee, could be found posting wedding dresses on her Pinterest account without an ounce of shame.  

Meet Today’s Other Woman

The days of mistresses hiding their heads in shame and denying involvement, sadly, are long gone. Today’s other women are busy planning their weddings and picking out China patterns before divorce papers have even been filed.

Today’s other women are playing a shameless game of hardball and your husband is the metaphorical World Series Commissioner’s Trophy for which they are playing. What’s astounding is that these women intend to win and they are capable of almost anything in order to win.

See also  Emotional Affair Recovery – 12-Steps for the Cheater

When I was growing up, I remember a certain print magazine advertisement with a slim model coolly holding a hot cigarette. The caption read: “You’ve come a long way, baby.” While women have come a long way in the past 50 years, the utter shamelessness of today’s other woman puts marriages in a position of setbacks. In this sense, women, as a group, have not come a long way whatsoever.    

The other woman’s drawing of her clueless lover Sergey Brin. If I were him, I wouldn’t feel flattered by such a caricature.

Stuck in the Middle With You

Since many of today’s ‘other women’ have no shame in terms of their actions, women like Sergey Brin’s mistress perceive the attention either as neutral or as ‘free publicity’. After all, people are now talking about them and this provides them with a false sense of importance (and possibly even power). Perhaps some mistresses even like being ‘outed’

Because many of them refuse to leave their married lover, even after the wife finds out about the affair, this puts the couple and the lover in a unique position. The mistress does not want to give up her position as ‘the third wheel’.

As we know, three is a crowd, and oftentimes the unfaithful spouse feels stuck in the middle. When a mistress refuses to give up, it becomes harder for the unfaithful spouse to break ties.

When the mistress refuses to break ties and when the unfaithful husband feels weakened by his mistress’s continuing bids for attention, saving the marriage is now up to the wife.

No one ever said life is fair and this is certainly one of those instances.

So what is a wife to do?

Showdown at High Noon

You could certainly put on your best pair of shiny cowgirl boots and your holster, but, since we don’t live in the Wild West, this is not a realistic option. However, we can certainly have a metaphorical showdown at high noon with the other woman. 

When the split of Anne Wojckicki and Sergey Brin was first announced, all of the news agencies were speculating on how they would split their billion-dollar assets. We live in a world where getting a divorce is the obvious choice, especially in the cases of billionaires.

See also  Discussion: Getting Them To Stop the Affair

Within this social climate, we don’t even consider that there is another option. However, almost a year after Anne and Sergey’s split, the dust is settling and we are beginning to see how things are actually shaping up.

divorce_familyStanding By Your Man

Vanity Fair published a long expose about this scandal in their April issue. The things that they reported are surprising—mainly that it appears Anne Wojchicki will not grant a divorce.

After the dust settled of the revelation of the affair settled, Sergey moved out of their residence, but Anne decided not to formally separate. Almost a year later, they are reported to be great friends and co-parents. They have been seen hosting various events together and looking as if nothing happened.

Sergey still lives in an apartment, Sergey and Anne are still (non-legally) separated, Sergey’s mistress still works with him at Google, and Sergey still has romantic ties to his mistress.

Vanity Fair reported that…

Sergey feels great about the current situation where he is able to remain married to Anne while still carrying on a romantic relationship with the other woman.

Who Is the Loser?

Is Anne the loser?

Is Sergey the loser?

Or is the other woman the loser?

Well, in a sense, all three of them lose in this situation. But, each of them loses in a different way.

Maybe we should look at it another way: who will come out the winner?

Well, depending on which outcome the others want, it is most likely that Anne will come out the winner if she stands by her man. The OW is not going to come out the winner because she will inevitably get dumped.

The fact is that 90% of the men who have affairs do not leave their wives. Of the 10% of men who do, only 1% of those men remain in a relationship with the other woman. In this case, the statistics are overwhelmingly in favor of the wife, that is, if she wants to stay in the marriage.

See also  Newsflash: The Affair Fog has Lifted!

So, the statistics show that if the other woman refuses to leave, you can ‘wait it out’. Ultimately, the relationship between the other woman and your husband will fizzle out.

So, as a wife, all you need to do is ride out the storm and wait until the affair fizzles out on its own.

judge gavelWhen Riding It Out Isn’t an Option, Sue for Alienation of Affection

If you would like to accelerate the time that you have to wait for the OW to give up, there is another way.

Sue for alienation of affection.

If you live in one of seven U.S. states, you can sue the other woman for alienation of affection. These states include: Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. 

If you can prove that there was willful interference in your marriage from an outsider and you live in one of these states, you can initiate this type of lawsuit.

These lawsuits are more successful than one might believe. For example, in 2009, a North Carolina woman named Cindy Shackelford successfully sued the other woman and was awarded nine million dollars!

(Hey, if you cannot win the lottery, sounds like suing the OW for alienation of affection might be a reasonable alternative!)

All humor aside, I do believe that there are many cases when such lawsuits are warranted. In addition to that, I believe that these lawsuits send a message to others that stealing husbands and breaking up homes will no longer be tolerated.

I believe that even if a wife does not recover money from such a lawsuit, the fact that she launched one sends an invaluable message to society.

After all, when homes are broken up, ultimately the victims are innocent children. This is why I do not tolerate infidelity.

Tell me what you think: if you live in one of the seven states that permits such a lawsuit, would you consider filing one?                



    45 replies to "Case Study: What To Do When the Other Woman Refuses to Leave Your Marriage Alone"

    • gizfield

      Suing my husband’s girlfriend would be a lost cause, lol. Shes a loser with a capital L, and like we say here in the south, doesnt “have a pot to piss in.”

    • Strengthrequired

      If only we had that law here in oz, i probably would have taken advantage of it. After all she has put my family through, she deserved to be sued. Maybe then it would have made her stop and think the next time she decided to destroy a family.

    • SHAPE

      Unfortunately there are only 7 states with this law. I, and many others reading this, do not live in one of them! But it was an interesting read, nevertheless.

    • gizfield

      I dont think most laws are very marriage friendly. In my state, Tennessee, I consulted a divorce attorney who told me you could not file based on adultery, even with concrete proof, if you had sex with your own spouse after that. What the hell ? I guess she knew what she was talking about. She said the crap my husband did would fall under “marital misconduct” which has no real repercussions.

    • struggling along

      Amazing that there is demand for the CEO of Mozilla to resign for supporting taditional marriage but no similar outrage over the conduct of Sergey Brin! Where is the public outrage over infidelity and the real damage to families?? In my case the ow tried to get my husband to leave our home while I had our 5 kids (the youngest was 5) away on a trip! Luckily he didn’t but that is how little she thought about the effect of her actions on my children. Imagine we came home to find Dad gone! OW have one thing in common, they are pure evil.

      • Server

        Yes, it’s tough even after 2 years she still tries to connect with my husband….evil is an understatement. The worst is she has no remorse.

    • Strengthrequired

      The ow in my case definitely didn’t give a damn about my children. She had only what she wanted, and what she thought she deserved above everybody else, my h. Waiting it out for someone like this to just leave your family alone, is draining and just doesn’t happen over night, can take a lot of time and patience.

    • gizfield

      Wow, the lawyer was right about adultery not being grounds for divorce if you sleep with your spouse again. They even have a name for it. Condonation. It’s a legal concept of “conditional forgiveness”. Adultery is forgiven, legally speaking. You have no objection, and are approving of the behavior by continuing to be “intimate” with your spouse. The criteria for that is if you continue living with your spouse, even if you do not have sex. All I can say is Wow. Again.

    • gizfield

      I may be strange cause I love legal research, lol. We would probably all be well advised to find out the laws of our jurisdiction regarding adultery, etc. For example, today I found out that in Tennessee, to prove adultery you dont have to catch your spouse #@## ing someone else. It is usually proven by circumstantial evidence, after showing Inclination and Opportunity. Lets say your hub sends his girlfriend a text. “Damn, I sure would like to see you” then meets her later, alone at her house. You can’t prove they screwed, and they can’t prove they didn’t. Law seems to think they did, based on circumstances. Next time my husband gives me the I didnt do anything wrong routine, I’m going to lay that one on him, lol.

    • gizfield

      one more interesting adultery fact. even if your spouse has been sneaking around behind your back with some s***, left you for her, and possibly even living with her he can countersue YOU for adultery if you date someone before your divorce is finalized. again, what the hell?? My husband, like many others on here, suggested I date someone. how hard would it have been for him to find this information as well? that way he could have eased his conscience while ensuring I didn’t get good treatment during a divorce. cheaters think they are pretty crafty don’t they?

    • gizfield

      Doug and Linda, I have a topic that I think would be interesting. Marriage is pretty much now considered to be a “legal” institution but we are not really given a lot of information on how to protect ourselves. Legally, morally, financially, there are just so many different ways for cheaters to scam their unsuspecting spouse.

      For example, I now believe my husband was going to try to scam me regarding our child. He made a big show of saying that he wanted “joint custody” of our then 5 year old daughter. Now, this was a guy who spent very little time with our child, and acted like it was doing me and her a favor when he spent any time with us. On the rare occasions when he did “keep” her, he texted his s*** he was “playing daddy.” I was the one who did pretty much everything
      for our child. One of the things that pissed me off the most was a time when he texted this skank that he was so upset that he was having to play a “bored” game with his child rather than talking with this w****. Yet, he wants “joint custody.” What he wanted really, was to avoid paying child support. Lawyers will tell you that joint custody is usually not in the best interest of the child, which I’m sure was not his motivation anyway. His plan was that he was going to probably be living with this skank, pretty much effectively doubling his income over what I would have, while ensuring I got no child support. I imagine my life would have also been nonstop negotiations on when we each would have my daughter so he would be free to continue playing his music on the weekends. I never really seriously considered doing this, I mean why would I want it my daughter around two adulterers 50 percent of the time.

      I have seen a lot of comments on here that make me believe some cheaters are trying to manipulate their betrayed spouse so they can benefit either financially or in some other way. just my take on these situations. it would be interesting to see some other things that cheaters have tried.

      • Strengthrequired

        Giz, my husband actually thought he was there for his kids during his ea. I had to lol, when I had told him, he was never around and his kids needed him, yet he was always with it. He honestly thought that he was there for them. I will tell you who he was there for, who he spent more time with, it was here, and I bet he spent more time with her kids then his own at the time.
        Yet it was his skank that wanted to take my kids, she was the one that wanted me to have nothing, not even child support if it came to us divorcing. She was the one that didn’t want to part with the money that was supposed to go to the his kids.

      • Doug

        Gis, that is an interesting topic. In your situation, do you think your husband thought of that on is own or had some help -either from the OW or a lawyer – or both?

    • Asil

      The nerve of the OW amazes me! My husband’s AP contacted me through social media to out him since he wouldn’t leave me or even confess to the emotional affair. She informed me of how she was an old pen pal who looked him up hoping he was single (even though she was married). Said she never wanted any of it she just wanted her old friend back. ( Why did she hope he was single then?) When she gave him three different ultimatums to leave me and come to her state to live with her and he didn’t show up for any, she broke it off and then told me all about it from her injured, upset point of view about how awful my husband was. To the point of telling me how her family was expecting him to show up including her mother and nine year old son and how he had disappointed them all! Am I supposed to have sympathy for her? Then 2 months later calling and crying and telling me to let him go because she loves him! And the nerve to say no matter if he stays with me or not he will always be hers on the inside! Also told me there was no way we had been together for 22 years. I think I know how long I’ve known my husband. She was just pissed he meet me āt the end of them corresponding years ago and I was mostly likely why he stopped writing to her to begin with all those years ago. She really thought she knew him better than me, but she had just created a lot of fantasies because most of my husband lies were lies of omission. When her dad died and my husband wanted to go to her “as a friend” (yeah right!) I told him to only go if he wanted our marriage to be over for good. That he could never be just friends with her again wasn’t something he could face for some time. He didn’t go and she has never contacted him again, but I wonder if she will one day. She said she never wanted any of it. she did, she only wanted it to be much easier than it was but I stood strong and she went away.

    • Strengthrequired

      Asil, my h ow would send him messages saying she knew he was only staying with his wife because of the kids, that she knew where his heart really lies. With her. She knew that because the way he hugs her. Lol. She said to him, remember our hugs. Lol omg. She is just as skanky as your h ow. It took ages to get rid of my h ow. No doubt she is still telling people how terrible I am for not letting him be with her, and how he is only with me because of the children. I can hear it now. Funny thing is, I can also hear people saying to her, if he really wanted to be with you, he would be, with or without the children. His wife mustn’t be that bad if he stayed. Lol.
      It’s funny how they seem to think they know our husbands better than what we do, considering they hadn’t seen them for over 20 years, lol. They are such experts.

    • Paula

      Yeah. I don’t see this article as holding her head high! I see it as sad. Anne won’t divorce and Sergey can see no reason to choose. He’s doing the classic cake and eating it manouvre. And I think Anne is hoping eventually he will tire of the OW and return to his family. I see that, and I know that many will disagree, as no prize. Yeah. Money, power. But she has her own. Just. Move. On.

      Our OW had also bought a wedding dress and chosen a ring. He had no idea. Had never even said I love you. He was shocked and frankly revolted when he found out!

    • Strengthrequired

      Paula, it wouldn’t have surprised me if my h ow had a wedding dress picked out, if not bought. Heck, she was planning on having his kids. She also wanted him t treat her kids as if they were his, yet my h wouldn’t. Lol.
      These ow are just crazy, there is n other word for them.

    • gizfield

      Doug, his girlfriend didnt really seem interested in her own kid, who is probably about five or six years older than ours. According to him, all she every wanted to do was “bitch about her work and kid.” No mention of her ever doing anything with her. Except take her to psychotherapy and remedial school. Not Mother of the Year material. So I doubt she would want another child around. Would interfere with her busy schedule of eating sushi and bar hopping.

      I’m unsure what this guys plan was, or if he even had one, lol. It basically appeared to be to blame me for everything wrong in his life, and put Ms. America there on a pedestal. I never was able to figure out the status of the relationship, even after all this time. He originally told me “I’ve met someone else and I’m in love with her and shes in love with me”. He immediately recanted that the next day but I think hes lying. I dont think their relationship was real involved but like I said, hes a liar so who really knows.

      I did hack into his email about a year after the fact. Right before he told me he wanted a divorce he apparently contacted an ONLINE divorce site, lol. I saw the email but didnt read it, surprisingly. Just actually seeing the subject line made me sick. Now I wish I had read it or at least forwarded it to myself to read later. So I imagine he found out how much his indescretion would cost him from a lawyer and decided to do some collateral damage control.

    • Battleborn

      Paula, I agree with you. One more take on it though. Yes they both have money, but if she is worth a billion dollars and her company does find the cure for Parkinson’s, etc., he might be able to put her and her children through a protracted legal battle. If it were me, I’d ask how much does he want, pay it and move on. She can afford it. Get rid of the bastard and be done with it.

      IMO, There must be another reason that she is accepting this arrangement, because I cannot believe she would accept a concubine to upstage her. Icky!!

    • Strengthrequired

      What do you think all? Well “it” has been using our surname as hers on fb, god only knows where else. Anyway every now and then I check to see if she has changed her name back to her name. Well guess what, she didn’t change that one, but she set up another fb account using her name. I know she does it to get to me, but my question to you is. Do you think she is starting to get the message that my h doesn’t want her, due to her creating another fb account? I did mention this to my h, and he is indeed shocked that she would set up a new account and not change her name instead on the old one. “I did say, see now you know the type of crazy she is”. He said he already knows the crazy of her. Lol
      So what do you think?

    • Tryinghard

      These very wealthy, very socially involved people are NOT like the rest of us. They don’t live in the same world as we do and their relationships are totally different than ours. If Mrs Bigshot divorces Mr Bigshot do you think that they would have the same financial implications as divorce would have on my family’s business? Hardly! These people are like celebrities who jump from partner to partner when they want their face in the news. They do it for the PR. They are very independent of each other and both are successful in their own right both personally and financially.

      They stay married because they don’t care what the other one is doing or it would be too much trouble to go through a divorce. it’s an attitude of, you do your thing, I’ll do mine. Well whatever. Let’s see what they would do if the shareholders or banks would withdraw their support if there were to be a divorce and all the assets were about to be liquidated and split up. His affair or their impending divorce would have no affect on their business, careers, or their life for that matter. Way different from those of us struggling in the trenches.

      In normal peoples case the question should be more directed to people like StrengthRequired whose cousin it keeps imposing herself into her and her family’s life by continuously calling her husband under some lame pretext that she’s family! Or Exercisng Grace OW who harasses her family via social networking sites exposing their father and themselves to embarrassment and ridicule. These people are normal, middle class Americans struggling to keep businesses and family’s surviving financially where scandal and exposure leaves them vulnerable to financial ruin, let alone divorcele.

      I say Eff these rich folks who get to live their lives so cavalierly. Mrs Bigshot doesn’t care if her husband is shacked up by his skank underling good for her. I don’t feel sorry for her. I hope someone else at the company sues them because of sexual harassment .

      How about addressing some of the issues real people deal with where the OW or OM doesn’t give up on the relationship. Well when it happened in my case I took the skank bull by the horns and let loose on her. I was not nice. I scared the shit out of her without threatening her. She found out I was NOT one to mess with. She knew she was starring down a very real lawsuit where she would have lost everything AND her family would have been drug into court as well. She never contacted us again.

      So Mrs Bigshot you need help getting rid of the little minion? Call me. I’ll give you the down and dirty version but I am sure with all your money you have plenty of more erudite resources to help you through this little bump in your road.

      • Sarah P.

        Hello TryingHard,
        Great point about the rest of us 99.5% of the population who are struggling when these things happen.

        But wanted to say two things: first is, from all that I have read about Anne W., she has been sincerely shattered by what Sergey has done. Neither she nor Sergey came from monied families and both worked incredibly hard (with also a lot of luck) to get where they are. I do not believe that in the beginning either was corrupted by wealth or fame, but it could be that they are now. (Well, we know for sure that Sergey has been corrupted). Here is what I see in Anne’s case: she is a woman just like the rest of us. While she has millions at her disposal, all of the money in the world cannot take away profound heartbreak. Then what about her support system– since she is rich I just canno