The Case of the Magazine Subscription – You Decide

This is the latest installment of our ‘You Decide’ series where you will provide your opinion on a fictional affair scenario. In this particular scenario, a suspicious magazine label fuels Kelly’s suspicions that her husband, Ross is having an affair.

Kelly and Ross have been married for 25 years. Kelly quit a high-powered career in order to raise their five children. Because of Kelly’s many years as a dedicated mother, member of the PTA, and constant involvement in her children’s lives, they have turned out wonderfully. All of them successfully completed college and are out on their own.

Kelly has also been a tireless supporter of Ross’s career and this allowed him to become a regional VP of a well-known software company. Because of Kelly’s education, she has always been the perfect hostess, the perfect home-maker, the perfect party-planner and event organizer. As they say, behind every great man is an even greater woman.

Kelly had been having trouble in her marriage for a full 8 years but never confided this until an incident involving a magazine.

During the past 8 years, Kelly’s husband had become physically distant and seemed a little uninterested. Kelly was too busy to notice, even though it bothered her when she had the brief moment of quiet time for herself. Nothing else seemed amiss though, so she ignored it. But, one day something happened to change all of that.

Kelly was cleaning her husband’s office and cleaning out her husband’s magazine stack. On one of the magazines the address label caught her eye. Her husband’s name was on the magazine, but it was sent to what appeared to be a residential address in California—only they did not live anywhere near there.

Kelly looked up the address online and the house in California appeared to be owned by a woman—someone she had never heard of.

She also noted that her husband made frequent trips to that particular city for work. Kelly is positive that her husband is having an affair with the woman in California, although that is the only proof she has found.

Should Kelly confront her husband or is she just being paranoid? What would you do?

You decide!

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15 Responses to The Case of the Magazine Subscription – You Decide

  1. TryingHard August 8, 2017 at 11:34 am #

    LOL!! Again like the last You Decide article. I would hire a PI the next time he planned a trip to California.

    Also I would suggest MC for this couple given the distance she has been feeling the last 8 Years. Eight years?!?! Ugh

    She’s brushing away the red flags just like the rest of us did for years. The feelings of distance et al become a couples new normal and it is anything but normal. She needs to wake up and find out what’s going on in her marriage.

    This magazine was a warning sign, a red flag, an omen, an angel whisper, what ever you want to call it. It is NOT happenstance. Something is going on and confronting her H she will only get denials and lies and he will go deeper underground.

    Unfortunately all BS have to do their own spy work. Cut to the chase and save yourself some heartache and hire a PI.

  2. TheFirstWife August 8, 2017 at 12:47 pm #

    I agree with Trying Hard in this case.

    A PI is needed. It may be more than an A.

    There could be another child involved without her knowledge.

    He could be married to both of them.

    This home could be bought with funds from their M / earnings/ assets.

    This is one where she needs to remain quiet until she has some answers – or facts – to confront him with.

    Which is why I would never give up financial control to anyone. Even now I have 100% knowledge of all our finances and assets.

  3. Shifting Impressions August 8, 2017 at 2:24 pm #

    I would be looking for more clues….rather than confronting. Either a PI or a surprise trip to California. If she confronts him now, he will go underground if he is having an affair.
    Also this is the time to be checking for emails and phone records etc. If he doesn’t realize that Kelly is suspicious he has most likely become sloppy.

    Unfortunately, unless Kelly is educated regarding the behavior of cheating spouses she might not realize the value of holding her cards close. I think most of us found that out the hard way.

  4. TryingHard August 8, 2017 at 3:30 pm #

    Oh yeah. The operative words here are “playing your cards close to the vest”

    Absolutely. this woman doesn’t know what she may find. This could be a very dangerous situation. I would act as nothing is wrong with the husband

  5. TheFirstWife August 8, 2017 at 8:04 pm #

    Interesting. I had a good friend who had an A with a married man and had a child.

    He did not support or have any contact or part of child’s life.

    My friend raised the child as a single parent.

    I wonder if his wife ever found out.

  6. Patsy50 August 9, 2017 at 5:54 pm #

    I would definitely take that as a red flag. And I agree with others, Kelly should definitely do some more investigation on her own, like check his phone and computer then if all else fails a PI would be helpful. Once she finds more proof then it’s confronting time. She has to be prepared to decide to stay or leave him. I did not have to do much investigation in my case as my husband told me what he was doing because he thought he was going to be fired at work and what other excuse would he have for me, there wasn’t any. He and his coworker used company time and computer to communicate with each other with OW sending nude pictures to him, although he did not believe it was an EA I had to educate him on that subject!

  7. J Anne August 11, 2017 at 7:02 am #

    I would confront him on the address of s magazine I found in his office. Why this magazine, who’s address. I would call the magazine company and find out when that subscription began as well before asking him. Give him those facts before presenting your question.

  8. Survivor August 11, 2017 at 2:43 pm #

    I would definitely take it as an “angel whisper” and get an appt with an LMFT before confronting him. This way they can both be in a room with a licensed professional when she discloses her findings and suspicions. The husband won’t have much of an opportunity to deny and lie if the LMFT effectively directs the course of the conversation and gets to the underlying issues that led to the affair.

  9. Wounded but not dead August 11, 2017 at 9:41 pm #

    I’m always amazed at those who feel the AP is blameless for the affair. The AP knowingly got involved with a married person, and knew there was a spouse there. So the AP is knowingly shi**ing on the betrayed partner and is therefore not an innocent party.
    When I found out about my wife’s affair I called the AP and made it very clear to him that if he ever contacted my wife again I would make his life a living hell. In addition I contacted his wife and gave her copies of texts, etc.
    I know some feel this is unnecessary, but it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Stand up for yourself and don’t let the AP get off scott free after crapping on you and your marriage!

    • TheFirstWife August 12, 2017 at 1:00 pm #

      The OW in my situation was single.

      I had no recourse. None.

    • TryingHard August 13, 2017 at 2:46 pm #

      Wounded. You’re preaching to the choir here with me!!! Good on you!!!

      I don’t blame the AP at all. But she knowingly chose to invade MY marriage. She chose to reek havoc in my life. She played her part. So I chose to interfere in her life and reek havoc. #sorrynotsorry

      • Puzzled August 14, 2017 at 1:28 pm #

        It’s a total lack of integrity, character, trust, etc when the AP knows the CS is married. I’m sure there are plenty of affairs where the AP isn’t aware of a spouse. However, I’m sure more APs know that there’s a spouse being betrayed. Many of you may remember that I still don’t know who my wife’s AP is. I really don’t know what I’d say to him anyway. He knew she was married. She knew he was married. Total loss of integrity by my wife and her AP. Is it important to know who he is? I’m not sure. Part of me thinks I can get past this without ever knowing. Part of me gets stuck on it at times because part of me would like to tell his wife in case he never confessed.

        • TheFirstWife August 15, 2017 at 10:54 am #

          I think that would be a deal breaker for me. I don’t think I could get past it.

          • Shifting Impressions August 15, 2017 at 5:42 pm #

            TFW
            I can’t help but agree with you. I would feel like my spouse was protecting the affair partner and themselves. There is a good chance it would be a deal breaker for me as well.

            • TheFirstWife August 15, 2017 at 8:34 pm #

              I would think if you cannot even answer that question it must be so bad I should just D you now.

              I would not feel there is any hope for recovery or R.

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