Bad News For Relationships?

Today we have something a little different for you.  We are very pleased to have a guest post from relationship coaches and authors,  Susie and Otto Collins.

I’ve had the pleasure of speaking with Otto a couple of times over the phone, and I can tell that he is a person that is passionate about relationships and helping others to improve their own relationships.  Together with wife Susie, they have developed several books and courses to help guide people towards more effective communication, better trust, forgiveness and increased intimacy – all key ingredients to more fulfilling relationships. Please visit their website as their resources truly can help you create a relationship you desire.

Here is their post:

Could This Mean Bad News For Relationships in 2011?

As we enter 2011, here’s something that was in the news over the weekend that could spell disaster in all our relationships…

In case you missed it…

The headline of the New Year’s special edition of the USA Today newspaper declared 2010 as “the year we stopped talking.”

We think that’s significant and so true…

If you doubt the truth of this, just go to any bar, restaurant or social event and you’ll see people NOT paying attention to the people or event that’s in front of them.

They are tweeting, texting. Facebooking  or viewing something else instead of being present to what’s happening around them (especially to the people they’re with).

We especially dislike it when we pay good money to go to a movie or a concert and the person beside us or close to us is making noise texting or operating their smart phone in some way.

In the USA Today article, Scott Campbell, assistant professor of communication studies at University of Michigan who studies social implications of using mobile devices, is quoted as saying…

“It (plugging in) can be a good thing. But I also see new ways the traditional social fabric is getting somewhat torn apart.”

While we certainly use mobile devices (though very, very slow at texting), we can see how there can be less time and energy for true communication that fosters deeper connection, especially between people in intimate relationships.

And how our “social fabric”–the way we have traditionally communicated—is getting “torn apart.”

Is that all bad?

Maybe not but what we know is that without old-fashioned face-to-face authentic and meaningful communication, a relationship suffers.

We are in no way suggesting that you toss all your electronic devices in the garbage and become a Luddite.

We are suggesting that you become aware of how you’re communicating with your loved ones.

Make sure that there’s the time and space for the two of you to sit down and talk and share in the old fashioned way–which is face to face.

Since we always want you to have more love, passion and connection than ever…

Here are a few ways for you to start talking more and creating deeper love and connection in 2011…

1. Set some relationship goals.

Think about what you’d like more of in 2011 in your relationship.

No matter what type of relationship—take some time together and talk about what you want and some ways that you could practice that would bring you closer to having it.

For instance, one of our relationship goals for 2011 is having more fun together.

One of the ways we could practice is to keep a list of what “having fun” means to each of us and then do one or more of those things every week–which might mean going to a movie we both like.

2. Increase the amount of time you spend in bed–both sleeping and making love.

Statistics show that most of us don’t get enough sleep–and relationships can certainly suffer if you don’t. If you aren’t sleeping very well, begin some type of meditation or relaxation program.

There are plenty of resources out there that can help.

If you are with an intimate partner, we suggest that you spend more time making love–from a connected space.

If you don’t feel connected, make it a practice to feel close and connected before love making.

Talk about how the two of you can increase intimate feelings in your relationship from a place of fun and curiosity rather than blame and accusations.

3. Forget about it.

Forget about what happened last year. It’s done. It’s over.

If you feel like you need resolution about something that was said or that happened, talk to the other person.

If you don’t get the resolution that you want, don’t carry that resentment into the new year. Forgive yourself or the other person.

Does that mean you allow yourself to be used or abused in any way. Of course not!

All we are saying is that unresolved grievances may hurt you more than the other person–or more than you realize–because you relive what happened over and over.

If you want more peace in 2011, find a way to get some resolution about what happened to you in the past.

4. Make your relationships a bigger priority by spending more physical time together

Most of us lead very busy lives and we tend to put most everything ahead of maintaining and growing our relationships, especially intimate ones.

We’ve said this many, many times but the idea bears repeating–People can very easily get “lost” from one another if they don’t keep coming back to revitalizing their relationship.

Committing to doing one simple thing like having a meal together once a day–or even one day a week–and talking together can make a big difference in a relationship.

Take this opportunity to call that special person for a “date” and then go and enjoy yourself.

Is there a friend you haven’t seen in awhile and you just don’t seem to get around to calling and setting up a time to get together?

Are you and your partner constantly moving in different directions and you never seem to be able to find time to even sit down and talk?

We never know how long we have on this earth and we only really have today so make a connection with someone who you care about or even someone you’d like to get to know.

The two of us learned a long time ago that you have to “feed” the relationships that you want to grow. Do something today to grow yours and you’ll find more love and fullness in your life than you ever thought possible.

5. Make a change in an attitude that holds you back.

Your attitude toward life and your relationships certainly creates more of the same.

The trick is to change your attitude without “blue-skying” it or telling yourself something that you cannot believe.

Here’s an example of changing your attitude and the way you think about your partner…

Old attitude–“My partner will never make changes in our relationship.”

New attitude–“My partner is my friend and I can start treating him (or her) that way.”

What new attitude can you begin to embody that will bring you closer to what you want?

6. Find one new (or old) common interest, desire, goal, activity or cause to share with your partner or a friend.

It’s no secret that one of the important elements to a great relationship is sharing time and interests. When our lives take us over (and we hear that phrase a lot), we tend to stop doing the things that have helped us keep our connections with each other.

We forget how to enjoy each other’s company, whether it’s doing something or just “being” together.

What would you like to do together that you haven’t been doing lately? Maybe it’s something new that you haven’t tried yet?

Maybe it’s something simple like eating a meal together without distractions or taking a walk  together.  Maybe it’s planning and planting a garden or learning to scuba or ski.

Whatever it is, do it in part for connection.

7. Have more fun.

We would certainly be remiss if we didn’t include having more fun in our list.

So our question to you is this…

What’s “fun” to you?

Is it being with others, doing something that you all enjoy?

Is it being with your loved one having a quiet evening at home snuggling on the couch?

Is it playing with your children or grand children?

Is it learning something new that you love to do?

Is it laughing at a silly movie?

Whatever it is, decide that you are going to do more of it during this year.

If you do, you’ll find that your life and relationships become filled with more love and deeper connection.

-Susie and Otto Collins

Again, to visit Susie and Otto’s site, click here.

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