It’s no secret that over 80% of unfaithful people meet their affair partners at work. This “work affairs” phenomenon is well-known.

work affairs

By Sarah P.

A good friend of mine had a very “cringe inducing” experience, when she went to a receive a professional service, at a locally owned business.

This blog post is not about my friend, per se.  It’s about the experience she observed among coworkers, and my takeaways from her observation, as seen through the lens of affair recovery.

It’s no secret that over 80% of unfaithful people meet their affair partners at work. This phenomenon is well-known.

Some treat it as a joke and say there is nothing wrong with having a “work husband” or a “work wife.” While I believe these people are well-intentioned, I don’t think they grasp, that normalization of the concept of a “work spouse,” opens a door to a very slippery slope.

The construct of a slippery slope exists for a reason:

  • Mountain climbers fall to their deaths on slippery slopes.
  • Skiers break their legs on slippery slopes.
  • 20 car pile-ups, often happen on slippery slopes.
  • Slippery slopes are not necessarily a good thing.

Sometimes it is best to recognize and avoid slippery slopes. That’s why “work spouses” and work affairs should never be normalized.

It opens a door, since marriage itself, implies a sexual relationship. In many states, people can still file an annulment if they never “consummated” their marriage. In short, if you did not have sex with your spouse AFTER getting married, there is no marriage, since there was no sexual experience.

My Friend’s Story

My friend, Jane, lives in a small town, where everyone knows everyone, and she goes to a small business often. She has told me in the past, that she felt a very strange vibe from the male and (married) owner of the business, when he had conversations with his receptionist.

My friend used to be able to call and ask the business owner questions. But, now the receptionist intercepts all calls.

Jane also said the receptionist follows the owner, wherever he goes, and the receptionist often speaks FOR the owner. Or, the receptionist interrupts, and speaks OVER the owner.

Odd much? A little. But, let’s delve into why Jane felt something was metaphorically “rotten in Denmark.”

Jane recounted that she had a scheduled appointment, this past month. The receptionist told Jane that she must show up on time. (Jane generally shows up early.)

Jane said showed up at her scheduled time, and had to wait for over 30 minutes, in the small lobby, when the office was not even busy.

Jane recounted that a mother with a young child, were also waiting, as the receptionist zipped in and out, telling everyone just to wait a moment longer.

The child, who was full of energy, had nothing to do, and came to speak to Jane.

Finally, the receptionist called Jane’s name, and told her THEY (the receptionist and the business owner) were ready to see her.

The child had taken a liking to Jane, as all children do, because Jane adores children. As Jane started to leave the waiting room, the child asked her, “Wait, where are you going? Why are you leaving? And what is going to happen?”

Jane shrugged her shoulders and joked, “Well, either I am going to get my teeth cleaned, my house remodeled, OR I am going to a marriage counseling session. Take your pick!”

The mother and son both laughed at Jane’s answer.

When the Affair Partners Work Together

Jane recounted that when she turned around, the receptionist and the business owner were blushing 20 shades of red.

See also  Will My Spouse Have Another Affair?

One might also wonder if they were blushing 50 shades of gray?

Jane recounted the professional consult went down like a lead balloon. Jane said all three of them, sat in a small room to talk, about pricing on a product and service.

Jane said both the receptionist and the owner of the business, tripped over their words, kept blushing, and had extremely awkward body language.

Jane said it dawned on her during the meeting, that since the receptionist and the business owner heard her comment, WITHOUT CONTEXT, they likely assumed she was referring to them, in some way.

I would posit that it was likely the marriage counseling statement, which caused them to blush.

Jane recounted that the receptionist and business owner, both looked as if they were a couple of cats, who had gotten caught, swallowing the canary.

Jane said the business owner had to leave the meeting, and he told his receptionist to go over the professional proposal, along with payment, alone with Jane.

Apparently….this was the first time the owner had bowed out of meetings, and turned the meeting over to the receptionist, who had no professional knowledge of the field, in which the business owner worked.

My very close friends know (some) of what I do for a living, and occasionally they will approach me with awkward encounters, they have had.

Jane told me she felt so terrible, that she caused them to feel uncomfortable. Jane asked me if she should send a formal apology to them.

I told her that within the context of the situation, there was nothing to apologize for, since she was making a joke to the people with whom she had been speaking.

Jane was joking about concepts that most people find stressful or tedious. Jane was also speaking to the mother and her child, not to the owner and the receptionist.

Elements of A Heartfelt Apology after the Affair

So What Was Up with That?

Well, let’s go back to the statistics…

  • Over 80% of affairs start with coworkers.
  • Men and women who have very visible assets and social status  – such as the business owner, whom Jane knows, are in high demand.
  • It’s very easy for a married person – in this case a man with children at home – to get pulled into a relationship with a “fun, attractive, younger woman,” whom he works with each day.

I came across an astounding article, several weeks ago, that I would love to use as a reference, and I regret that I don’t remember where it was posted. After all, I did not think I would come across a real-life situation, that demonstrated exactly what the article said.

The article topic was about the unthinkable…“What Married Men Look for in a Mistress”

I never thought that the time would come, where someone would study, what married men look for in a mistress.

Alas, I was wrong. Someone has been studying this and has a large collection of data on the topic.

Say what? Did we just step into the multiverse?

After all, when people are taking marriage vows, they look each other in the eyes, in front of hundreds of people, and they promise to “forsake all others.”

Married men or women thinking about – and spending lots of time thinking about – what makes the perfect mistress (or paramour), is the ultimate oxymoron.

The word “moron” in oxymoron, is there for a reason.   

It would be like pondering that the color green is very red. Green will never be red, and to spend time thinking about such a bogus concept, would be a moronic waste of time.

See also  Anger after Infidelity - 8 Strategies for Dealing with an Angry Partner

Green and red can exist, separately as constructs, on Christmas ornaments. But, pondering how green is so red is a very simple example of an oxymoron. Green is not red and it never will be.

Other common oxymorons are:

  • Bright shadows
  • Joyful depression
  • Happy infidelity

Apparently, our society has reached a point where married people are thinking about what makes the perfect affair partner, while many websites exist for helping married men and women find the perfect affair partner.

Why People Cheat in Relationships

In this case, the article I read, said that married men, consider the perfect mistress to be something like this:

  • Single
  • Loves yoga
  • Has a college degree
  • Has no children
  • Athletic with big breasts
  • No older than 32

If you just slammed the lid of your laptop, or threw your phone across the room, you are in good company.

I slammed the lid of my laptop, after I read that article.

After all, MARRIAGE IS MONOGAMOUS and there are laws that banned polygamy, long ago. In some states, you can still get your partner arrested, if you have proof they have committed infidelity.

Even the laws – in the USA – uphold the idea that marriage includes only two people, which is the definition of monogamy.


Apparently not.

The selfish of the world, have officially made the phrase, “MONOGAMOUS MARRIAGES,” into  an oxymoron.

work affairs

Work Affairs – What to Do When You Get “Bad Vibes” from Your Spouse’s Coworker?

Well, we already know that most affairs start at work. If we get “bad vibes” from a spouse’s coworker,  we are likely picking up on what is called “micro communication.”

People behave in ways, that are subtle, and we may not be consciously aware of these behavioral signals others send. 

However, our mind is filtering data, all day long, even if we cannot put words to the feeling that makes us uncomfortable.

  • Gather evidence that cannot be refuted or explained away, since over 90% of unfaithful people deny the affair, if they are NOT presented with proof. Sadly, some people deny the affair even when caught.
  • Call all of the best attorneys in town – and get a free consult – with as many as you can. Talking to an attorney does not mean you will divorce. But, attorneys are essential because they can tell you about YOUR RIGHTS, as they pertain to laws in your state, and an attorney can provide you with essential strategies.
  • It might be a good idea to join a free self-help group and/or receive therapy. This way, you don’t have to call family members, until you have FACTS. Also, the right professional can do wonders.
  • Gather evidence and document patterns.

If you would like to learn more about the general principles of reading body language, here is an excellent TED video.

What to Do If You Find Out Your Spouse’s Coworker Is More than a Friend

At some point you will need to confront the issue. But, you must be prepared.

Some cheaters, when confronted, will intentionally cause you to feel crazy and gaslight you into the next galaxy.

Others will become very angry and point out all of YOUR FLAWS.

Many cheaters, will go to great lengths to minimize.

They want you to pretend everything is fine, so that they don’t have to confront what they are doing.

However, there is a very important caveat to consider. Uncovering an affair can cause a very unsafe situation.

See also  Life After an Affair – Regaining Control

Someone, who had married into my extended family, committed suicide, due to infidelity.

Other people are the victims of homicides.

Tread carefully.

The goal is to protect your marriage and interests. If there is an abusive dynamic in a marriage, confronting an affair can be dangerous.

While every marriage has ups and downs, adults are responsible for THEIR choices.

To have an affair because your marriage has hit a rough patch, is like setting your entire house on fire, because you don’t like the couch in the living room.

If your spouse is having an affair with a coworker, there is an excellent book, to guide you.

The wonderful and blessed Shirley Glass wrote a book about this, “Not Just Friends,” which is more relevant than ever.

The Sage who was Shirley Glass, PhD, left this earthly realm far too soon. But, she left us with the gift of wisdom that has changed millions of lives. It’s still my own “go to” book.

Shirley Glass was truly a pioneer in the field of workplace affairs.

The Ache of Affairs and What You Can Do About It

In Summary

If you happen to get a strange feeling around your spouse’s coworker, you are NOT paranoid, you are not controlling, and you are not being a jealous spouse.

Your gut feeling – which is basically the science of micro mannerisms – and micro communication – is trying to get your attention.

Your brain loves you so much, that it is trying to tell you, to take notice. Your brain has your back and it is sending you early warning signals to check something out.

Your brain is gently trying to nudge you to mobilize.

I will leave you with a thought that a friend of mine sent me last week.

This thought pertains to the wayward spouses who won’t break off the affair, and yet expect you to be their support system, and who expect you to live life, as if nothing is happening.

My friend said: The good people of the world should immediately choose to withdraw the time and energy, they give to those who continue to actively harm them.

Even if you choose to keep your wayward spouse in your life, you can refuse to give them any part of yourself, from that day forward.

If you are in a situation where your wayward spouse is violent, have a plan and a “bug out” bag.

If your spouse has turned you into the maid and the chef, and has their cake elsewhere, literally stop cooking and cleaning, for them.  They can make their own dinner and clean up their mess, literally and figuratively.

Don’t forget you have power.

A note about women, in particular. I have come across women who have been loyal to sex addicts for many years.

These wives can be driven to the brink. Give them grace because they have been living in an impossibly hard situation, for many years.

Also, I speak to people on all sides of the equation and this post is not written in the spirit of judgment.

The post was inspired by Jane’s experience and I wanted to examine it further.

I wish you many blessings along your journey. This blog is your safe space and I am honored to serve you in your recovery journey.  Feel free to share any of your experiences as they relate to work affairs – or infidelity in general. 

    14 replies to "All About Work Affairs: If You Feel a Cringe When Your Spouse’s Colleague is Around, Take Note"

    • Nearly Normal

      Hi, Sarah.

      I liked the article. Love Jane’s story.

      I have a story that is positive and shows progress in my marriage. Originally, my wife’s AP was in the same workplace. Bad vibes abounded, gaslighting followed, you know the drill. This actually happened twice.

      Now years after DDay, my wife recently started a new job. When I was there, I noticed a coworker and I got some bad vibes. After almost two decades, I felt like I was in for another dismal experience. Had I trusted my wife’s improvement in character too much?

      But before I talk to her, SHE comes to ME! She says, “I’m getting this bad vibe from this guy. He’s a little too comfortable with me and sometimes tries to meet me alone.” So she planned and went through with telling him in no uncertain terms what the boundaries were, and he’d better respect them.

      I guess that is the real goal. When there is a potentially bad situation, your spouse is upfront with you about it and takes steps to make sure it does not become something.

      Anyway, it’s been a long time so I thought I’d say hi. Hope you are doing well.

      • Molly

        Wow, Nearly NOrmal,
        That sounds like a very success story!! Thank you for sharing!

    • Sarah P.

      Hello Nearly Normal,
      It’s great to hear from you! Glad you liked the article and thank you for sharing your story.

      It’s great to hear that your wife came to you and told you.

      It’s great to hear that she understood what her visit her was doing.

      And it’s great that she proactively nipped it in the bud.

      I believe that if everyone had this level of awareness – in terms of a coworkers ulterior motives – and REFUSED to reciprocate, work place affairs would vaporize.

      Nearly Normal, this is indeed good news.

      Thank you for sharing. 🙏

      Many blessings,

    • Hopeful

      That’s great! My husband after his affair started talking to a new co worked through social media. It was small talk but unnecessary and the conversation would be on and off continuous kind of. He deleted a few of them also. I asked him why he said because I would assume the worst. Or it was about having lunch together. So instead of addressing his co worker (because he relies on others at work… he’s a nurse) he just deletes his social media. And he told me he knows she wants him to ask for her number so they can then text. She has made comments to him about her not being able to get in touch with him. He doesn’t seem to understand you can keep work friends at work and rely on them but not take that home. And what happens when he gets social media back ?

    • Boston Tea

      I discovered my wife’s workplace affair a year ago. She had been seeing her boss for about 3 years. As they are based in different states it was carried out on work trips when she was away from home plus lots of phone activity.

      Suddenly the last few years made sense and I really resonate with the ‘micro messaging’ mentioned above. I knew something was wrong and stumbled across a few clues in the preceding months but had no idea that it was this bad.

      We’ve agreed to rebuild and I’ve been reading all the books (including the one referenced above together with Michelle Werner Davies who is equally amazing and forthright). Spouse not engaged on the reading but we’re attending therapy together and making some progress.

      Issue is she still works for this guy and is not prepared to find another job. She assures me the relationship is purely professional now but there is still too much friendly chat in the work exchanges and she won’t remove him from Facebook as it would alert the rest of the team. I’m weaning off hyper vigilance as it’s exhausting. Instead I’m focusing on me, rebuilding myself and preparing for whatever road we eventually go down. I realise that I can’t control what she does but can set expectations on how I will react if boundaries are crossed. They have not seen each other since discovery.

      Made it very clear that any inappropriate behaviour will lead to separation and publicising of the affair – so far no friends, family or colleagues are aware.

      Nervous about what happens when travel restrictions lift and they have potential to see each other again – will have to see how that goes and I’m prepared that it may force a decision on the job vs marriage.

      Still, in a much better place than a year ago or the few years preceding discovery. We are getting along well, intimacy is still difficult but hoping that restores as we make more progress in therapy.

      If I had to sum it up, hoping for the best but prepared for the worst.

    • NewNormalcy

      I so wish I had trusted my gut instincts that I continuously neglected for a long time. When I found out about my husband’s workplace affair, it had been going on for nearly two years.

      They still work together and I was really hopeful that my husband was turning a corner as he promised me he would NEVER do that to me again. Well, I just found out recently that they have been intimate since DDay, possibly just before Christmas.

      So it’s the waiting game for me until the big D as our children are very young and is not fair that I would have to see my children less because he can’t keep it in his pants.

      I loathe him. But I love my children more.

      • Sarah P.

        New Normalcy,
        I am so sorry. And it’s terrible what destruction can happen when someone can’t keep their pants on or their skirt on. Please hire the best attorney on earth. Your children shouldn’t have to suffer just because your husband was taken in by a coworker.

        Sarah 🙏

    • Sarah P.

      PS- What I cannot understand is how a woman can break up a marriage where there are children. Sometimes people get angry at me for holding affair partners accountable, but it takes two people to have an affair.

      I cannot even get myself into the mindset of a person who is okay with hurting small children.
      In the end, the children get really hurt and it’s not okay! Children deserve a stable home and I am always shocked when one parent (the cheater) is okay with breaking up a home. I am also shocked when the affair partner disregards the fact they are ruining children’s lives.

      • Soul Mate

        Hi Sarah P,
        I thought I’d stop by the website after a long time away as I’ve been suffering from some frequent nightmares again about the OP and was thinking I might find some insight as to why they are popping up again so late in the game ( 3+ years since dday).
        If you remember my experience was that my husband had an EA with a coworker. I still can’t wrap my head around such a term, and I still have problems believing it was an EA and not PA as it went on for at least 2 years from what I can tell by cel phone records text and calls I’ve researched after the fact.
        The thing I think that has caused me so much PTSD is the fact that my husband was never late home from work. Did not have overnight work trips and was overly attentive to me the whole time the affair was going on. We always slept together. Cuddled. Gave kisses and said we loved each other daily. Text and calls checking up. No missing money as I do the budgeting and bill paying. Except in the sex department (chalked up to my healing) and his severe increase in alcohol use and hiding it from me, nothing had changed. I actually thought that his hiding alcohol and the amount of drinking he was doing was the reason for his need to be in the opposite room from me on normal everyday activities within our house only to find out it was the excessive drinking, but the texting and talking to the OW too. I couldn’t check on him. I couldn’t walk! He was taking the dogs out at 20 minute intervals and I became concerned and brought it to his attention.
        Finally after fully healing, I caught him one night in the driveway crying and talking on the phone and he freaked out, said it was “Jim”, his friend, handed me the phone to talk to him and that’s when my hackles went up. He was drunk as a skunk. Had just lost his job. I chastised him about his drinking as my sister and Granddaughter were visiting. I made him eat dinner and go to bed. I’ll never forget the look of pain and fear on his face that night. Never. I took him at his word and never talked to the person on the other side of the line but found out after DDAY it was the OW. After the fact he told me he wanted me to take the phone. He was tormented about his actions and wanted me to find out and finally end it with her. That he knew that I was formidable enough to get rid of her and he would be free. SMH!
        I never met the OW. Never knew she existed. I won’t get into to much about her in this comment, but wanted to give some food for thought. What if the WS commutes some distance daily for work and his work is in a secure government environment where spouses do not have the luxury of access or meeting co-workers? What if the OP is not mentioned at all? That you have no clue they exist? The OP was a single woman in her 40’s. Never married. A true Spouse Poacher. (I still have this creepy feeling of being watched through our bedroom window by her, like she wished me dead and wanted everything that was mine). It’s true, if I had known her, I would have confronted her and my husbands overt behavior right away. Let’s just say I’m not a flight person and am not in the least bit afraid of confrontation even the smallest slights. He knew that and I think that was the part of the reason he kept her such a secret. That and his shame.
        I was healing from a health issue at this time and we were having family difficulties at the time (adult kids) but here begs the question. The truth of my experience is, looking back, even though my husband was giving me a lot of attention, his mannerisms and his day to day actions changed subtly enough over time that I noticed. I felt it in my gut that something was up. I even told my sister months before dday that if I didn’t know any better, I think he was having an affair, but I felt so guilty about how I felt because he was positively doting on me. I guess what I’m trying to say is if you feel something is amiss in your gut, don’t feel guilty about how you feel. I remember one day waking up and gazing on my husbands sleeping face before dday and thinking, he looks so different. When did his looks change? His smell? The feeling of his body next to mine. I felt as if I woke up to a stranger in my bed. (When did this happen? Where was I?) In hindsight, I was right next to him. The whole time. Holding his hand. Trying to get him to stop drinking!
        Trust your heart most of all. It isn’t always the obvious tell tale signs of an affair that will give you clues but the subtle changes in behaviors of your spouse that is the answer. Don’t allow excuses to enter your mind or ignore even the smallest of changes. Never, ever feel that you and your spouse are immune to the daily temptations that will come your way. Peace

        • Sarah P.

          Hi Soulmate,
          Yes I remember this terrible journey. 😢😢

          I have a question: is your husband still in a top secret facility?

          Is she still single?

          PTSD can emerge later as well.

          Let me know your current situation. 🙏

          • Soul Mate

            Hi Sarah P.
            I pray that you and your family are keeping safe!
            Yes, my husband is in a TS facility in his new position however I have been introduced to his new Management team, developed a trusting relationship with them, and have their contact information and the freedom to speak with them at any time. It is a completely different branch of the government than where he was working when he was in the EA. The office and culture is respectable and professional where he is now. More like we both have worked in and experienced in our careers. The place he had his EA has a lot of “THAT” kind of behavior going on. Many of the single women indulging in questionable behavior with coworkers. Married and single. It’s disgusting to be honest. They even let people drink at office parties while on the job! Big No, No in most government offices. His new job is many miles away from her now, is not the same government entity and she would have to be cleared by security process’s out of his control to ever enter into his campus. She has no access to him what so ever. He works much closer to our home now. Doesn’t have to take the train anymore and leaves and returns home the same time I do. As a matter of fact since COVID we have both been wfh and loving it!
            I have no clue what the Spouse Poacher is up to these days as she is totally out of the picture and has been since dday. I’m assuming after my husband dumped her on OUR call to her the following day that she valued her job more than causing more trouble in our relationship. I’m assuming that she realized, that my husband was telling her the truth all along. That I am a woman of my word, am not timid at all, and would have caused her more trouble than she ever realized. That my husband was not going to protect her in any way.
            As you know, my husband and I went through all of the horrible recovery processes. He was however different as he felt relieved that I found out and also that she was no longer in his life. To him, he thought of her interest in him a distraction and her dirty pic texts a game, like let’s see how far she would go, then she scheduled a video conference call with him and showed up naked! Yep they both were wfh that day. He told me that he was totally taken off guard, felt paranoid and told her to put some clothes on, she looked cold. LOL! Can you imagine being that desperate that you would video conference call a coworker you Case Managed naked at 49 years of age? And judging from the pics I’ve seen of her, well let’s just say, she’s a joke, and would be a joke if those pics would have been passed around the office and viewed by other men. Never the less, that’s when he said he realized his error. The funny game turned into a nightmare. She started to many personal conversations at work. Started to get to emotional (the Soul Mate game) and really became a nuisance and people were noticing her lingering to long at his desk and started to joke with him about her being his work wife of which he said he really hated. He asked her to stop, she would for a day or two, then start the cycle all over again. He said it became a nightmare that he felt he had to control out of fear that people would find out. He thought if he rebuked her long enough, she would get over herself and go away. Well guess how that all worked out?
            I can say for certain that I have definitely suffered PTSD from the experience from the very beginning as well as my husband. Like I said, I’m not the easiest and most timid woman on the block and tend to lash out vs regress when I’m done wrong. I also fell into self medicating with way to much alcohol. Happily though I can tell you I recognized what I was doing and have been alcohol free for many months now. My husband too. I feel good. We are doing well. Hardly think or speak of the EA anymore. But still, I am in self preservation mode. Meaning, I feel better distancing myself from any and all closeness, with anyone. It’s really weird. My nightmares come and go still but have been pretty intense the last few weeks. I’ve been trying to figure out what the trigger is and can’t really put my finger on it. It’s disconcerting as nightmares have always been an intense issue for me all of my life. Trauma or intuition intensifies them to the extreme which makes me think I am missing something. They cause my moods to swing.
            I believe if I can just stop the nightmares, of which she is the star monster, the residual depression will subside and my adverse reaction to outside relationships will go away as well. I feel like I’m almost there but have my psych tangled in the web of nightmares so to say. Like I’m haunted by a demon.


    • NewNormalcy

      I wholeheartedly agree. I have personally tried to have a heart to heart with this other woman last year. Now I wished I didn’t bother. She and my husband are absolutely pure evil. I’ve tried to get him to reveal that they have continued the affair to me as he still continues to lie about it (i.e., he loves me, I’m the one he wants to grow old with, I’m imagining things).

      And that is the reason I’m not throwing in the towel just yet; our beautiful children. They do not know anything. It will be a long wait but I will reap the benefits of this sham of a marriage for now (unlimited time with our children) until they reach adulthood if I have to, but then I’m out. I’m out when I no longer have ANY kind of obligation to be around him or converse with him. And at that time I will hire the best attorney. You can count on that!

    • Anna

      Several months ago, my husband confessed to having a fling 12 years ago with a woman that worked at a business we owned. I remember having suspicions something was going on and actually confronted him. The woman was a bartender who was ugly and classless. Honestly, I thought surely he could not be that desperate! We have always had a great sex life and a happy marriage for 29 years. Out of the blue, he confessed to a meaningless two time fling. My husband is known for drinking a little more when I am not around. He told me woman started flirting and knowingly would flash her fake breast at him when she knew the camera was on in the liquor storage area and he was the office. After work one night, he said they had closed down the bar and they had a drink. She proceeded to unzip his pants and give him oral sex. No foreplay! I’m thinking what kind of woman does that? What was in it for her? Sometime later, my husband was staying in a cabin on the premises and he said she came to cabin to drink him a drink and started taking her clothes off, only to once again as said “service” him. No kissing, hugging, or sexual intercourse. That’s difficult as a woman to understand. I knew she had a reputation that wasn’t very respectable but, my husband has never been the best at reading people.

      We went to marriage counseling which was very helpful. My husband took full responsibility and said he could not blame alcohol for his behavior. He’s regretful and ashamed of his behavior, says he can’t imagine how his ego got so big that he invited this into our lives. Our therapist’s take is that he was narcissistic, ego maniac, liked the thrill, insecure and was being used for financial reasons. The therapist threw out a few ideas as to what the woman wanted. Our managers had recently left so maybe she thought he would offer her a position, stealing from us and trying see make herself to appear to be valuable, etc.? Suddenly, he realized this woman wasn’t at all interested in him because he’s some hot guy. She was looking for financial gain. My husband is a very highly educated, successful man with a significant net worth and who knows it might have been a set up for something else. Around the time this was going on, we received an offer from another person in the same business as ours. The offer was great and we closed the sale within 45 days. The new owners immediately removed the woman as a bartender and put her in their operation as a sales clerk. She quit soon after and told my husband it was because she didn’t get the managers job and was never even considered for it. Seems to me, her reputation was well known in the community and the new owners wanted her out.

      Has anyone else seen or been subjected to this kind of behavior? Why would a woman give oral sex to man with nothing in return? My husband said he never took her anywhere, gave her anything, etc. Can someone please shed some light here? I’m still confused!

    • Molly

      “Has anyone else seen or been subjected to this kind of behavior? Why would a woman give oral sex to man with nothing in return? My husband said he never took her anywhere, gave her anything, etc. Can someone please shed some light here? I’m still confused!”

      Anna, your post is very old and I do hope your couple made a full recovery.

      In my experience when they are caught, they are still in the affair mode and they LIE, they minimise, they are not sincere. Infidelity is a very nasty, evil and addictive thing and people lose their mind, their integrity, their values. What I mean to say is that our husband did not tell you the full truth, he was trying to make her look like slut (which he probably thought himself) but did not take full responsibility for his actions, If she gave him a blow job, it’s because he was very happy to receive it!! SO he should stop the blame game and grow up!! He made a conscious choice and he should take full responsibility for it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.