The following post was originally posted over a year ago, but recently one of our readers thought it would be a good idea to post it again. Since we like to oblige with such requests whenever possible, we decided it was indeed a good idea to do so today.
This time around we’d like to hear how your affair recovery is going based on the list below, as well as anything else you’d like to add to the list. Let us know in the comments.
Surviving Infidelity: The Top 26 Things You Both Must Do
The following list of 26 things to do for surviving infidelity was emailed to us recently and we thought it was worth sharing with you. Let us know if you have any additions you think might be necessary.
In order for your marriage to successfully survive these are some things that the cheating spouse must do:
1. He must be totally honest with you about everything
2. He must answer every question that you ask truthfully and fully.
3. He must do everything in his power to prove to you that you are the one that he wants to be with.
4. He must prove his love to you…he must be patient, gentle, compassionate and understanding.
5. He must feel your pain.
6. He must fully understand the devastation that he caused you.
7. He must accept full responsibility for his actions.
8. He must stop all contact with affair partner and not try to protect them.
9. He must reassure you that it is OK to ask questions—within reason.
10. He must reassure you that you will not drive him away by doing the things that are necessary to heal.
11. He must recognize when you’re struggling or experiencing an affair trigger and comfort you.
12. He must be able to tell you how sorry he is and show you.
13. He must re-enforce to you, that you are not responsible.
14. He must put his own feelings of guilt and shame aside and help you heal first.
15. He must reconnect emotionally, mentally, and physically with you and stay connected.
16. He must work on rebuilding trust. No secrets. No privacy.
17. He must be willing to seek counseling.
18. He must learn what is and is not acceptable when communicating with the opposite sex…he must establish boundaries and not cross them.
Here is a list of things that the betrayed spouse must do:
1. Give him the necessary time to prove his love and commitment to you.
2. Be open with your feelings.
3. Ask the questions that are important to you.
4. Don’t be afraid that you will drive him away while you are trying to heal.
5. Stop blaming yourself for his actions. You are in no way responsible…even if you are Attila the Hun!
6. You must be able to let him connect with you. (this one takes time)
7. You must continue checking up on him in order to let him rebuild trust.
8. You must be willing to seek counseling so that you do not get stuck in one of the stages of recovery such as anger or depression.
Naturally, every case is different and everybody has different needs, so there may be additional requirements in many instances, or others may get by with less. Additionally, the time frame for surviving infidelity is different for each of us. Some may take a few months, others a few years, and yet some may never get over it. The point is that in order for a marriage to have a chance at surviving infidelity, both spouses must leave their inhibitions and hang-ups at the door and work hard to make it happen.