Here are 22 random facts about affairs that you might find interesting.

facts about affairs

By Doug

I was recently doing some research for a mentoring client and came across an interesting section in the Gottman’s manual, “Treating Affairs and Trauma.”

It was simply called “Random “Facts” About Affairs” and I thought you all might find some of the facts about affairs to be interesting as well.

Keep in mind though, it can be tough to get super-accurate statistics on affairs due to the inherent secrecy.  This list is based on survey data compiled from an internet search on the keyword “Infidelity statistics.”

Here we go…

Random Facts about Affairs

  • 22% of married men report cheating at least once during their married lives.
  • 14% of married women report cheating at least once during their married lives.
  • Younger people are more likely to say that they have affairs; younger women are as likely as younger men to say they are unfaithful.
  • 70% of married women and 54% of married men say that they did not know their spouse was having an affair.
  • 90% of Americans say that they believe adultery is morally wrong.
  • Infidelity is the cause of 17% of divorces in the United States.
  • In some studies up to 37% of men and 22% of women admit to having cheated on their partners.
  • Researches think that millions of people who visit chat rooms, most have multiple “special friends.”
  • There are now many internet sites that help married individuals find and connect with affair partners.
  • There is great variability in reporting. Some studies suggest that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some point or another during their relationship (Atwood and Schwartz, 2002).  About 22% of men and 14% of women say they have had sex outside their marriages, according to a 1998 report in USA Today.  Some cheating spouse statistics suggest that between 50 and 70% of married men (between 38 and 53 million men) say that they have cheated or will cheat on their wives.
  • Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples, according to counselor Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair.
  • According to surveys, 10% of extra-marital affairs last one day, 10% last more than one day, but less than a month, 50% last more than a month but less than a year, and about 30% last two or more years. Few affairs last more than four years.
  • One study found that 2/3 of the wives (26 to 36 million women) whose husbands were cheating had no idea their husbands were having an affair, largely because they failed to recognize the telltale signs.

Emotional Affair Signs

  • Only 46% of men believe that online affairs are adultery.
  • 80% think it’s Ok to talk with a stranger identified as the opposite sex. 75% thinks it’s ok to visit an adult site.
  • Other infidelity statistics estimate that “60% of men and 40% of women will have an extra-marital affair. These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it is unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other.  If even half of the women having affairs (or 20%) are married to men not included in the 60% having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80% of all marriages.  With this many marriages affected, it is unreasonable to think affairs are due only to failures and shortcomings of individual husbands or wives.”
  • Numbers from Playboy Magazine: 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men admit they have sexual thoughts about coworkers.
  • 86% of men and 81% of women admit they routinely flirt with the opposite sex.
  • Spouses who get hooked on Internet porn are a growing complaint among spouses filing for divorce, according to a survey of 350 divorce attorneys. “If there’s dissatisfaction in the existing relationship, the Internet is an easy way for people to scratch the itch,” said lawyer J. Lindsey Short, Jr., president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, which conducted the study.
  • 57% of people have used the Internet to flirt.
  • 75% of men and 65% of women admit to having sex with people they work with.
  • Experts say that a gut instinct is the most powerful indicator of a cheating lover. Adultery statistics state that 85% of women who feel their lover is cheating are correct. 50% of men who feel their lover is cheating are right.  The first clue is seldom obvious.  Typically, it is a feeling that something is different.

Thoughts?  Please leave them in the comment section below.  Thanks!

Sources:

http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html

http://www.infidelityassistance.com/infidelity_statistics.php

    3 replies to "22 Interesting and Random “Facts” About Affairs"

    • Seenthelight

      These facts don’t surprise me at all, including that 90% of Americans “believe” that adultery is wrong. This means that a great many of those “believers” are also world class hypocrites and/or they don’t feel it should apply to the way they live. It also tells me that society has a very large percentage of immoral people. Morals of any kind are a thing of the past, those that do live by moral standards such as integrity, faithfulness, honesty and loyalty to another are few and far between already. These people will undoubtedly disappear completely from the face of the earth as infidelity, lying etc become the norm even more and nobody will take responsibility for their actions.

    • Lynsey

      I agree 100% Seenthelight. There’s way too much hate, bigotry, hypocrisy, lying, immorality, and adultery these days. That’s why it’s so hard to trust anyone anymore. Sigh!.

    • Chris

      Please forgive me, but I just have to say this. I know this is the wrong place for this, but I have nowhere else to go. And who knows, maybe just the act of writing it will be helpful for me.

      After being married for 3.5 years, my wife all of a sudden started to get on facebook even more and started hiding her phone and changed her password. Stopped talking to me (unless it was to put me down) and actually forced me to get a job working nights. I was suspicious and after awhile confronted her about it. Denial, of course. I was a retired soldier, had (have?) significant PTSD. My mood swings and quickness to anger drove her away and I knew it. Though I agree, she should have left me rather then cheat on me, I knew I drove her to seek affection somewhere else. Not to say she was blameless, but the majority of the blame is on me and I do feel bad for the way I treated her and have apologized sincerely many times over the years.
      So, she struck up a friendship with a guy she had a crush on in college and she quickly turned it into a full blown long distance affair. He is a Seaman, was going to be in Australia for 4 days (we live in the US), and she got very angry because I would not buy her a plane ticket (that is when I knew what was going on).
      I finally was able to access her facebook one day 1.5 years later. By this time, she had dropped him and recommitted to me. Our relationship was better then the day we got married. But this destroyed me. I read every message, and to tell you the truth, it didn’t look like much. At one point she told him she loved him, he told her she needs to focus on her marriage and they were just friends. But the fantasy was strong with her. Looking for hidden meaning in everything he said (and believe me, he had no idea she was doing it).
      Her close friends had a mixed reaction when she would tell them. One told her to either leave me and go for the guy, or leave the guy and work it out with me, but do not cheat. She will be getting a nice Christmas present for a while. One told her he really didn’t like it, helped her for a very short time, then stopped talking to either party because he felt it was wrong. I appreciated that. But the others encouraged her. The would say the most evil things about me. I’m controlling (I’m not, she has all the freedom she wants), I am to fat, old, out of shape compared to her friends husbands (she is the one that wanted to marry me), etc…
      Anyway, I finally confronted her and she handled it very well. Empathized with me, admitted fault, wants to make it right, etc… It was better than I could have hoped. I told her the conditions. Cut all commo with the guy (he still didn’t know he was part of an affair), she did. Write a message to the so called friends telling them they should not have encouraged her behavior and there is no place in the marriage for them to remain friends. She agreed, but now it is 1 year later and I just found out she never did it. She was also suppose to cut contact with the main friend. My wife told one friend that she feels like she cheated on me and wants to work on her marriage the friend agreed that was for the best, but 3 months later the friend started reminding my wife all the bad things she said about me and remined her how happy she was with the other guy. She again encouraged my wife to just meet the guy in person and see where it goes. The wife never did, but she talks to that friend to this day, even though she swore it was over with that friend.
      I don’t think they talk about the guy anymore (it has been over for 3 years now and last mention of him was about 2 years ago), but every time she talks to this friend all the old memories flood back. Almost everyday I’m off work I have to leave the house, drive to the local market, sit in the parking lot an cry. All because she won’t give up this 1 friend. I have no doubt the wife loves me and I have no doubt it is over with that other guy, I have no doubt she is faithful now, but it still hurts, especially when the main instigator is still in our lives.
      I have made a decision, I have to talk to her again and tell her how much it hurts me and she needs to let this friend go for good. If she doesn’t I will just have to pack my things one day when she is at work and leave a note and my wedding ring on the table. I can’t tell her it is the friend or me, I won’t force her to choose or to hid it. It will be her choice on if her friend is worth continuing to hurt me or not, and if she is willing to continue to hurt me so she can keep that friend, then I will have my answer.

      Thanks to all that end up reading this, I hope it helps someone in some way. If nothing else, it helped me.

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