Here are 14 resolutions for the unfaithful partner in affair recovery for 2025 and beyond.
Image by Orazio Puccio
By Doug
As the calendar flips to 2025, it’s natural to reflect on where you’ve been and where you’re headed. If you’re the unfaithful partner in a relationship, this isn’t just another resolution list. This is a chance to lean into the messy, uncomfortable, and life-changing work of rebuilding what’s been broken.
I’ve been where you are. More than 15 years ago, I shattered Linda’s trust. Rebuilding it took time, patience, and a whole lot of showing up—not just once, but every day. The road isn’t easy, but it’s worth every step.
So, whether you’re just starting out or have been working on this for years, here’s a list of resolutions to guide you. These build on timeless principles while adding some ideas to keep your recovery moving forward.
(Since April of 2023 I’ve written a free bi-weekly newsletter for the unfaithful person in affair recovery. The following resolutions are taken from that newsletter.)
Commit to Absolute Honesty
This is non-negotiable. No more secrets, no more lies—big or small. Transparency is the cornerstone of trust. Share your feelings, struggles, and successes openly. Back when I was rebuilding with Linda, hiding even the little things would have been like trying to rebuild a house on quicksand.
Increase Emotional Intimacy
Affair recovery isn’t just about avoiding the same mistakes; it’s about reconnecting on a deeper level. Have regular, meaningful conversations. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams. For Linda and me, carving out distraction-free time to talk every day was a game-changer.
Seek Personal Growth
Why did the affair happen? What do you need to address in yourself to make sure it never happens again? Therapy, coaching, books—whatever it takes, dig deep. When I finally understood my own triggers and shortcomings, I became a better partner and a better person.
Show Consistent Remorse and Empathy
This isn’t about a grand apology and calling it a day. Your partner needs to see your regret regularly. Acknowledge their pain. Even when it’s uncomfortable or when you think you’ve said it a million times, keep showing up. For me, repeatedly validating Linda’s pain—even years later—helped heal wounds that words alone couldn’t.
Reaffirm Your Commitment
Actions speak louder than words. Let your partner know—every single day—that they’re your priority. Whether it’s small acts of kindness or big gestures of love, make it clear you’re in this for the long haul.
Strengthen Emotional Regulation
Affair recovery stirs up all kinds of emotions—shame, frustration, defensiveness. Instead of reacting in the heat of the moment, take a pause. Learn to breathe through it, journal, or step away if needed. It’s not easy, but overreacting only makes things worse.
Proactively Reassure Your Partner
Don’t wait for your partner to bring up their pain. Take the lead. A simple, “How are you feeling about us today?” can make them feel seen and valued. It’s a small thing, but it can mean the world.
Want personalized advice? Book a mentoring session to discuss your situation in-depth.
Invest in Shared Experiences
Start building new memories together. Whether it’s weekly date nights, hikes, or tackling a home project, find ways to reconnect. The goal is to create a future that’s stronger and more fulfilling than the past.
Practice Radical Accountability
Own your role in the process every single day. If you mess up, even in small ways, admit it. Ask your partner how you’re doing and be open to their feedback. Accountability is about showing you’re serious about change.
Expand Empathy Beyond Words
Empathy isn’t just about saying, “I’m sorry.” It’s about showing it. Step up when your partner needs support, whether it’s doing the dishes after a long day or leaving a note to remind them they’re loved. Actions matter.
Improve Your Listening Skills
When your partner speaks, don’t jump in to defend yourself. Listen to understand, not to reply. Reflect back what they’re saying: “It sounds like you’re feeling really hurt by what happened—am I understanding that right?” It creates a safe space for honest dialogue.
Forgive Yourself
Look, self-loathing doesn’t fix anything. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what you did; it’s about accepting it, learning from it, and moving forward. You can’t show up for your partner if you’re drowning in guilt.
Set Boundaries
Work together to create boundaries that make your partner feel safe. Be transparent with your phone, avoid certain people, and agree on what works for your relationship. Boundaries aren’t restrictions; they’re protection.
Build Resilience Together
Recovery is full of setbacks. The key is to face them as a team. Create rituals to reconnect after tough conversations. Remember, resilience isn’t about never falling—it’s about getting back up together.
Looking Ahead
Affair recovery is one of the toughest things you’ll ever do, but it’s also one of the most rewarding. Every uncomfortable conversation, every moment of vulnerability, every step forward—it all counts.
This year, don’t strive for perfection; aim for progress. Show up for your partner and yourself, even on the hard days. Healing takes time, but the rewards—a stronger, healthier relationship—are worth it.
Here’s to 2025 being a year of growth, connection, and hope. Change is possible, and the best time to start is now.
There you have it…Your resolutions for the unfaithful partner in affair recovery in 2025 and beyond. I’m sure there are more that could be added. If you have some you’d like to add, please do so in the comment section.
Whenever you’re ready, there are 2 ways we can help you:
1. If you’re still looking for traction in your affair recovery experience, we’d recommend starting with an one of our affordable programs. Here are 2 options:
→ Survive and Thrive after Infidelity – A unique and complete resource that will guide you through the recovery and healing process starting at D-day. It will provide you with the knowledge and tools to not only survive the affair, but thrive! Get started now!
→ The Unfaithful Person’s Guide to Helping Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: For the struggling unfaithful person, this program delves into the 24 ‘tasks’ that the cheater must complete for them to move from betrayer – to healer, while gaining a better understanding of their betrayed partner and what he/she is going through. Become a healer.
2. Individual Mentoring – Whether you’re the betrayed or the betrayer, to talk to someone who has gone through what you’re going through and who can listen and empathize with you is an incredibly powerful and valuable thing. It’s not just sympathy – it’s empathy – and it’s irreplaceable. Reserve a session (limited spots available).