Last Friday around 3:00 I didn’t feel much like working anymore. I had a busy week and things were winding down so I decided to quit working and do a little research into the readership statistics of this blog. Yes, I know… very exciting stuff!
While doing so, it occurred to me that since we have written over 400 posts since we started this thing, many of these posts get buried simply because of their age.
Because of that, there are a lot of good posts with excellent helpful comments from the readers that are going unnoticed which many of you could benefit from. So as part of our weekly newsletter where we have been recapping the week’s posts (among other things), we started to include a post from the past as well. (If you haven’t signed up for our newsletter yet you can do so in the form in the upper right side of each page and grab a couple free e-books in the process)
Among other things that I feel are being missed are a variety of helpful downloads. These include a few MP3 interviews and a variety of PDF reports, guides and tests. I thought it might be helpful to pop them up here again for anyone who is interested to download. Just click the title of each to download. I hope these can help some people!
An Infidelity Success Story. “Jackie” was extremely close to leaving her marriage because of her husband’s affair with a co-worker. She was having troubles with many different issues that we all have faced as a result of the devastation of the affair.
In this success story, Jackie used the same principles we talk about when we on this site or when we mentor someone to successfully get her husband to end his affair and ultimately work on saving their marriage. (PDF format)
Controlling Your Thoughts After an Affair. An 11-page PDF report that Linda and I put together that gives you some strategies on how to get past obsessive thoughts after an affair.
Exercises For Forgiveness. Another PDF report that offers some helpful information on forgiveness after an affair including some nice exercises for you and/or your partner to work through.
Blueprint for Saving Your Marriage. A special report in PDF format with excerpts from Dr. Frank Gunzburg’s marriage-saving self-help program, “Saving Your Marriage.”
Don’t Let the Ho-Ho-Ho’s Ruin Your Holidays. Though this audio MP3 was from a webinar we did with marriage and family therapist Jeff Murrah around last Christmas, there’s lots of good information that will help you with your affair recovery.
5 Secrets to Regaining Control After an Affair. Another MP3 audio from a webinar that we did with our good friend Jeff Murrah.
Linda’s Interview on Confrontation. Several months ago Linda was involved in a webinar with Dr. Robert Huizenga, author of “Break Free From the Affair.” She was interviewed about her opinions on confronting the other person. In her case she chose not to confront and in the interview she explains why.
21-Step Spontaneous Healing Plan. This PDF report summarizes each phase and the 21 most important components of Dr. Gunzburg’s “How to Survive an Affair” program. This report has some good information that will give you an idea of what all is entailed for surviving an affair.
The Relationship Contract. This example of a contract (PDF format) where the idea of coming to an agreement with your spouse after the affair defining your relationship, writing it out, and signing it. Which is suggested by Dr. Gunzburg in his course “How to Survive an Affair.” This contract becomes a symbol of your renewed relationship and the practices that you intend to institute throughout your relationship.
The CHEAT Test. A PDF report and questionnaire from Jeff Murrah that helps to provide the motivation behind a man’s infidelity.
Are You At Risk For An Affair – Test. This PDF download offers a questionnaire that was developed by one of our favorite author’s, Dave Carder, author of “Torn Asunder” and “Close Calls.”
Should I Spy? A short ebook from Dr. Huizenga, author of “Break Free From the Affair,” that helps to answer why the betrayed spouse has the extreme desire to know the details about their partner’s affair, why the cheating spouse won’t tell the truth and whether or not spying on the cheater is right for you.
101 Romantic Ideas. Pretty self-explanatory title here. A 39-page PDF book by author Michael Webb with a variety of ideas for creating romance in your relationship.
Well there you have it. I think you will find a lot of helpful information within these downloads that will be beneficial for you whether you suspect an affair, have just discovered infidelity or are further down the road in your affair recovery.
11 replies to "13 Downloads for Affair Recovery"
Thanks for these resources, Doug. As always, you are going the extra mile…and it is much appreciated. Along with the books you have recommended specific to affairs, my husband’s therapist has assigned him another called Our Inner Conflicts. It is quite interesting and gets into the why’s of behavior.
You’re quite welcome RCR! I’ll check out the book you mention and add it to “The Library” Thanks for the info.
Doug I’m not trying to have a go at you, or maybe I am, but I’ve been thinking, you are very willing to give advice and resources and most CS are very grateful but does it ever cross your mind that we wouldn’t need that advice anyway if you and our CS hadn’t behaved like that in the first place?
I think that because you are ‘transparent’ we think that you are answering some of the questions that our own CS will not and that is certainly true in my case when I’ve asked you personal questions and your answers are what I believe my own H would say if only he would answer my questions.
We wouldn’t need all this advice if our CS and yourself hadn’t betrayed us in the first place.
I will now run for cover LOL.
Mil, I don’t feel as though you are making a “go” at me, but what you say is pretty obvious. We wouldn’t all be here if infidelity didn’t happen in the first place. That shouldn’t stop me from offering my help, my opinions or my perspective to others so that they can see things from both sides. That’s one of the main purposes of this blog. That being said, what I say doesn’t necessarily mean that all CS feel the same way or acted for the same reasons as I did, but hopefully at the very least it stimulates some communication, discovery and healing between the two of you.
We all appreciate Doug’s honesty and his transparency. Personally it has helped me to understand some of the things my husband has done. Yes, we wouldn’t be here if our CSs hadn’t done what they did but they did and here we are – no what ifs. So keep on Doug! We need your POV.
Fair point Doug and Notoverit. It does help us BS understand our CS a bit better. I just get so frustrated sometimes that our lives have been so devastated by this selfish act. One thing that REALLY bugs me is how my H’s OW has apparently ‘got away’ with everything scott free. She said ‘I should deal with my H and she would ‘deal’ with hers’ when I confronted her on the phone. I bet he knows naff all except what she wanted him to hear, probably words to the effect that I was some mad, jealous wife who’d got a ‘few’ texts out of all proportion which is what my H has always tried to convince me.
After 3 years of this torture GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Mil, I understand your frustrations. I really do hope that you can get to the point where you feel that you are free of pain and on your way to complete healing – very soon!
Mil, don’t be so sure the OW got away with everything scott free. The OW’s husband may have suspected that something was up with his wife, and your confrontation, assuming that it forced the OW to have to try and explain the same to her husband, now confirms his suspicions. At the very least, it should open the OW’s husband’s eyes to the fact that his wife is not as emotionally attached to him as she is to other men in her life. He may not care, and that may be a contributing factor to his wife’s behaviour. But if he does care, it will be much harder for the OW to start another affair, or continue her affair with your husband, without the OW’s husband discovering it.
I understand the desire to see the OW somehow punished for having an affair with your husband. However, the extent to which the OW’s live is changed due to the affair is, in my experience, irrelevant to the healing process. What I believe you should be looking for, if you have not already gotten it, is a heartfelt apology from your husband (at least he needs to acknowledge and at least partially understand the harm caused to you and the marriage by the affair), an ending of the inappropriate relationship with the OW (no contact if you must, but if you go this route do not obsess with trying to confirm all the time that no contact is, in fact, occurring), evidence that your husband is keeping all of his relationships outside of your marriage within boundaries you have both agreed upon, and, most importantly of all, you have gotten to the point where you can forgive your husband for the affair and the two of you do what is necessary going forward to be happily married. I do not believe that you will ever fully heal and stay happily married if you continue to hold the affair over your husband’s head (not saying that you are). Few people can happily coexist with someone that constantly holds something against them. At some point, the only sane thing to do is to distance from the person holding the grudge so that it can no longer be held over their head.
I know, mil, my OW was a single friend of mine, carries on with her life, no damage done. However, it is imperative that you are able to move on from those feelings, I know that, I’m not entirely there yet, but feeling p…d off because they (the OP) have no ill-effects to their pretty little life doesn’t help you with your journey, rather hinders it. Try to visualise “karma” – I’m sure the universe will look after her somewhere along the line!
MIL, my OW got away scott-free too only she keeps coming back! I have been told to ignore her, which I have done, but she continually stalks, sends cards and makes anonymous phone calls during which she calls me a name and hangs up (high school anyone?). I never contacted her husband but if she doesn’t lay off soon, well, he may get a phone call. Yes, medieval torture would probably satisfy my need to get even but it wouldn’t help my recovery. Healing Mark is right – I need to work on my relationship with my husband (if she’d just leave us alone) and forget about her.
Healing Mark, very wise words. I do believe (eventually) that her and my H wouldn’t touch each other with a barge pole now. Mind you, I believed that after my first discovery and then found out they were still continuing. When I discovered his secret mobile the sh*t hit the fan and they literally stopped contact on the spot.
I think it was because I contacted her at that point. After my first discovery my H warned that I might ‘regret it if I contacted her or her H’. I think this was a form of blackmail as he wanted control over the situation and to do things at his own pace and there was also an element of fear at being found out. I believe if I’d warned her off in the first place she would have gone running. I was stupid enough to be scared of my H’s threats. I should have contacted her at the first whiff of their affair but I was stupid enough to let my H brainwash me into thinking I would regret it. Haha like I don’t regret it now?????
My H couldn’t be more full of remorse, he treats me like a goddess and appears to worship the ground I walk on. Of course, he says he always loved me and she was never a threat to our marriage, it was just a bit of fun.
We would have the best marriage in the world if not for his affair (minor detail LOL). We just went a bit wrong and paid the price one hundred times over.