How about a pre-Christmas discussion?
Let’s delve into your affair recovery wishlist during the holiday season.
The holidays are here and Christmas is just a few days away and we’re sure that many of you trying to get some last minute shopping done and are hoping for some holiday cheer. Yet at the same time you may be struggling…The affair triggers, rebuilding trust, recovery and healing from the affair as well.
This time of year can certainly provide you with a challenging roller coaster ride of emotions that run from one extreme to the other. You may experience many emotions that you don’t normally experience. Depression can be a real concern.
Most everyone has a holiday gift wish list that may include clothing, toys, gadgets, electronics, etc., but…
What is your wish list as it relates to affair recovery?
What is the best gift that your spouse can ‘give’ you? – Perhaps…To end the affair. True remorse. To talk about things more. A safe environment for trust to build. Transparency.
What gift for healing can you ‘give’ yourself? – Forgiveness. Self-esteem. Inner strength. Physical strength. Control over the painful thoughts. Therapy…?
In a nutshell, what are the top things that you can think of that will help you in your own journey towards healing from an affair – especially during the holidays?
For those of you who might be further along in your recovery journey, please share any advice or wisdom to help others during the holiday season.
Please respond to each other in the comments section.
Thanks!
Linda & Doug
6 replies to "Your Wishlist for the Holidays"
This is a tricky one. And it has evolved over time. At 9 months since dday I still feel unsettled about things. Holidays and memories are major triggers for me.
I wish my husband would be completely honest with me. I feel he has told me what I would call a “neatly packaged” version of what happened. I do not feel like he has told me the 100% truth. If I am being honest I am not sure he has acknowledged it himself. He does not want to go there. Yet how does that provide me with any reassurance this will not happen again. In my mind someone has to fully acknowledge their actions to learn from them rather than repress them. I am thankful for his actions and words now. He is 100% doing and saying the right things now.
As for myself I would love to give myself the gift of forgiveness. It is hard for me many days to not beat myself up for feeling so dumb to have accepted how my husband treated me and our kids for 10 years. I really struggle with that. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt and accepted his excuses. I am so sad for so much lost. The one thing is I feel good about my kids and the fact that I took such good care of them. They are amazing and if there is one good thing I did an amazing job with them with little support from my husband trough these years.
This will be a really hard holiday season.
Your words touched me….they could be mine. It will be one year just after Christmas for me. Three days ago I had a near suicidal breakdown and am struggling to recover for the sake of our grandchildren. I will pray for everyone devastated by this incredible pain.
Donna
I have thought of you often these past few days…..I pray you give yourself time, to heal. When we are betrayed it does not make us less than, even though it most likely will cause you to “feel” that way. The behavior of the BS made them less than not us.
The first two years after D-day were so difficult for me but I am finally starting to let myself be happy again. It’s a long hard journey, but you are so worth it. I have spent many hours here and am so grateful to hear everyone’s stories. Also Doug and Linda give many amazing resources. I have spent many many hours reading and trying to make sense of it all.
If I could give you any advice it would be to find a trustworthy person or two for support, perhaps find a counselor and most of all treat yourself as kindly as you would a close friend.
Take care
You should not feel sad b/c you were lied to or misled or taken advantage of.
I know it is hard not to feel angry and bitter for trusting someone and they fooled you or cheated you.
You should feel bad that the person you trusted the most took advantage of you and had do little regard for you.
That is the pity if it all. The cheater cared so little about you.
Jen
I can really relate to that “neatly packaged” version of the truth phrase. It’s been a little over 2 years since d-day for me and I am starting to realize that might be all I ever get. After two years of trying everything that know to get the “real truth” I have let go. I started focusing on self care and my well being. This is my third Christmas since d-day and it was a little easier this time around.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself time.
My wish for this holiday is that I will be able to blog on this site. Releasing the stress from the ex will be a complete blessing.
Wish number 2 is simple, the ex needs to stop emailing me.
He did on Christmas Eve wishing me a merry Christmas again! I have asked him over and over again to leave me alone and remove my name from his list of ex’s that he is still in contact with as I don’t wish to be on it.
I explained that in the decree it does state not to harass the ex spouse . Again he is a privileged individual.
He has now denied his affair from the soulmate. Saying he never had a soul mate. He evidently has changed his story and has made up an entirely different version even though all three of heard the original version. My sons and I shake our heads.
A friend told me that he hasn’t heard from my ex in quite some time. I said lucky you. It’s constantly emailing me. He said restraining order!!!!
Yes, this has crossed my mind.
I do hope for 2016 I find peace. Peace from the past. I can’t move forward when I have someone upsetting me yet again. I wonder how I ever did it? He hasn’t changed in the least. Loves conflict loves to upset me. I pray for peace and strength .
I hope I am back on this site as I have missed each and everyone of you.
Happy New year all!!!