What are the typical defects in the relationships when affair partners marry and why are they more likely to divorce?
In the past we have written about some of our neighbors who have experienced infidelity in their lives, as well as my brother’s situation. As a result of a neighborhood block party and some time talking with my mother, we were inundated with news of cheaters beginning their new lives with their affair partners.
We heard about divorces being finalized and new homes being bought and how excited they all were to begin their new lives. I really couldn’t feel hopeful or happy for any of these people (even though one of them was my brother).
I really feel guilty about that because I want my brother to be happy but I just have a gut feeling that this wasn’t the right way to accomplish it.
I was feeling really frustrated and of course wondered why Doug didn’t take that same path to a new life. I also began to wonder how happy these couples will really be once the shine of their relationship wears off. So I searched the internet looking for answers about the success rate of second marriages, particularly marriages when affair partners marry each other.
I know somewhere on our site we mentioned the percentage of these marriages that are successful and I know the percentage was very low. However, I wanted to know why.
I was lucky enough to find an article that summarized a chapter from Frank Pittman’s book, “Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy” that described the typical defects in the relationships when affair partners marry and why they are likely to divorce.
I believe that most of us (betrayed spouses) realize that many of these defects would play out similarly if our spouses chose to leave and marry their affair partner. I am pretty confident that none of these obstacles were discussed or even thought about while our spouses were involved in their affairs. I imagine that it would probably take awhile before the fog lifted and the consequences of their actions were realized.
For a powerful post written by an “other woman” who married her affair partner, click here.