Every year we like to take the pulse of the readers by conducting a reader survey. Well, it’s that time again!
So…We’d appreciate it very much if you could help us out and take this 38-question survey.
We know, that seems like a lot of questions, but the vast majority require just one-click to answer.
Since your needs are constantly evolving – as well as readers coming and going to Emotional Affair Journey – these surveys are always very important as they help us to determine what is most important to you guys so that we can address your issues in future posts or with other resources.
The survey is below for you to complete or you can click here and go to a separate page to complete it (we’re pretty sure you have to click the link if you’re on your phone), or just scroll down a bit and you can start right here on this page.
Remember that there are 17 questions in all, so you will have to use the slider thingy on the right side of the box to scroll down to answer all the questions.
We will report back to you the results in a week or so, or as soon as we get a substantial amount of responses.
Stay tuned because there are always some interesting findings and/or tidbits that come out of these things.
Thank you so much. We really appreciate your time!
Linda & Doug
31 replies to "The 2016 Emotional Affair Journey Annual Reader Survey"
Thanks to everyone who has completed the survey. You guys are awesome!
To the person who responded with this:
“I had saw a previous video that Doug was on admitting he had a affair with your best friend yet on your site you said it was someone he worked with and just emotional although I did see the recent video where you both told the truth. I just felt that was pretty shitty for lack of better word to lie to everyone about your own affair instead of being honest.”
Sorry but you have us confused with someone else. Other than a product review video and a short explanation video on our Cheater’s Guide program we have NEVER done a video alone, with someone else, or together.
Just did the survey and doing it reminded me once again what an important site this is. You have been a life line for me these past two years.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart……..you got me through many hard days.
Thanks for the kind words SI and I’m happy our site has been helpful for you. It’s always nice to hear stuff like that! 😉
I completed the survey. Some very good questions.
Honestly if it weren’t for this site I probably would have been very depressed that I was not “over it” already vi would have wondered if something was wrong with me.
But seeing what others have gone through (some worse than my situation for a number of reasons) I am glad to know I am not alone in this phase.
I wonder what the difference is between those where the affair was purely emotional and those where it was both; and those where the spouse was planning on ending the marriage (but may not have) vs those where that was never brought up at all.
The reason I ask is that I feel like my H’s last mid life crisis affair was one thing (it was a PA) but the fact he told me 2-3 times he wanted a divorce is something else. I think that had hindered my strong foundation in this marriage b/c if that aspect. Now he regrets everything and is trying to make amends.
But I wonder for those out there whose spouse/partner left & came back – how do you know it won’t happen again or that they are in the marriage for the right reasons?
Thanks for the kind words Tabs and TFW. It is great to know that our site has been helpful for you. We appreciate all that both of you have contributed in the way of comments and support for others as well.
TFW — There is no difference to me whether it was an EA or a PA. An affair is an affair. The hurt and pain is still the same. My husband confessed to an EA and never said he was ending our marriage, I was the one to tell him “it’s over”. I never did end it but decided to give him one chance and one chance only if he was willing to do the work that was necessary to help me and our relationship.It was a hard road at times and I wanted to quit but he always asked me to not give up on him. It’s been five years since DDay and we are in a good place.
Thanks Doug and Linda for information that was very helpful in guiding me to where we are now in our relationship. I still read the blogs!
Hey Patsy, Thanks for still popping in now and then. I think you’re one of the “old-timers” on this site! 😉
TFW,
Very interesting question. My H has never told me the reason for the PA and EA. (The fact that he doesn’t know or isn’t willing to confess, infuriates me.) After I found out about the PA, he continued his EA with a girl two years younger than our daughter. Was it a mid-life crisis or something else? I don’t think I’ll ever know. BUT, I work with my H. We run a small business together. He can’t really just get rid of me since the business can’t afford a full time accountant. (That and I would take 1/2 the business in a divorce.) I’ve had a suspicion that he stays with me because he would not have the freedom to do what he does without me handling the office. My H has always denied it, but still….. it lingers in my head. So, I really don’t know if he will cheat again. I’ve told him that I will not stay in the marriage if he does. My H never really left. The OW lives in Shanghai and he couldn’t stay with her, even if he wanted to. The best part was that she couldn’t leave China.
Those are my exact thoughts.
My H definitely had a mid life crisis whether he admits it or not. So typical. So cliche.
But since he came one day (after swearing up and down not 48 hours prior he loved me and wanted to get our relationship back on track) and just announced he wanted a divorce. Out of the blue. No fight or anything. Just “I want a divorce”.
So I just wonder what to believe?
Maddening sometimes.
Doug,
I’m agree with SI. This site is a big help. Since I didn’t feel comfortable talking to friends or family, I found I could vent and still receive insightful information.
Survey completed. I completely agree with all the other commenters. This site has been a lifeline for me for well over a year. Wish I had found it earlier in my recovery. End of this month is 2 years for me. I think I would have tipped over the edge if it hadn’t been for Linda, Doug and all the responses, validating the way I felt and giving me the support to carry on.
Thanks for the kind word, FA! You really can’t say enough as far as how helpful all the comments from different folks can be, can you?
Survey completed. I’ve been married for 35 years my husband has been having an affair with a woman for the past two years. When I confronted him he became very hateful and cruel. Things have not went well since. He moved out of the home 6 mos ago he says because he needs to heal. He has done nothing to right the wrong he has done to me. But I have caught him with her several times. And his excuse is he hurt her and he needs to make it right with her. He says he will never divorce me we have to much at stake. I still love him very much but can’t take the hateful hurtful words he says to me every time we speak. I don’t understand why he needs to heal or why so much hate towards me. I didn’t ask for any of this totally lost.
Here is my thoughts based on my experience. He is angry because he cannot have his own way. He is mad because in his mind you are standing in the way of his “happiness”. I got the same thing.
After 25 years of marriage I was the worst person on earth. Could not do anything right. My H told me I only married him to spite my parents. Wow was that hurtful.
So you have to think he is acting like a 2 year old who can’t have a toy. They will get angry and act out. That appears to me to be what your H is doing. Acting out.
When my H was like that I would very rarely respond. There is no reasoning with someone once they have an idea in their head so I chose to ignore most of it. Some of it had me sobbing on the floor (not in front of him) but I did my best not to further exacerbate the situation.
When his mindset changes then you will see his behavior change. He is in a fog right now and the best you can do is anything to keep your own sanity. That is my suggestion to you. Focus on you. Nothing else. You cannot make him want something. You cannot change his mind as hard as that seems. Only he can do that.
It is heart breaking and maddening and hard to believe is happening. We have all been there. So sorry for you but know you deserve better than this.
April will be my second year since D-day….not much to remember or think about, except finding Doug and Linda 48 hours in to my turmoil. Almost two years later, still coming back in a weekly basis, have a great therapist, visits to a nice psych every two month, new job with really good $$$ pay. Seems like life is getting in normal mode. As someone ones mentioned I can forgive but never forget… Only God knows, Sometimes feeling like a favorite song ” I close my eyes then I won’t see the love you don’t feel when you’re holding me”…
But enough of that… Doug and linda thanks for been life saving angels in this Mayhem of despair and emotional turmoil for us … My deepest and sincere respect love and good wishes..keep up the good work, don’t change much regarding delivery, those of us who really enjoy the site are here for the content and the human factor always present from all my dear good forum friend.
Blessed all …
Alfonso, Good to hear from you and thanks for the kind words. I’m happy that your life is returning to normal.
We have been together 12 years. My d-day was 2 years ago when I saw suspicious text messages and when I confronted them (her on the phone, him in person) they both denied they were more than friends. My husband got so angry that he slapped me. Only time in our relationship that he ever hit me. It has been nothing but lies and broken promises of NC since. The whole time trying to make it seem like I was the one with the problem because I couldn’t let it go. Never truly admitted to EA or PA. A few months ago he told me she moved out of state so I didn’t have to worry about her anymore. Then he became very ill and spent a month in the hospital. He is now partially paralyzed and requires alot of care. The day after he got out of the hospital I discovered they were calling and texting each other almost every day. Thank God I found this site because even though I told family and friends, no one really understands what I am going through. Now I think I talked too much to others. If I stay they will think I am a fool. I definitely think I am a fool for allowing all this to go on. I found out a week later that she moved back to my town. I finally texted her and told her she can have him. She told me she doesn’t want him because he wasn’t man enough to tell me the truth. While it may be partially the reason, I know she probably doesn’t want to be burdened with caring for him. Now he has agreed to go to counseling and “come clean” because he is afraid I will leave him and he will have no one to take of him. I don’t know if he really loves me or if he ever did. I feel like our whole lives have been a lie. I should have left him the day he hit me 2 years ago. The worst part is I still love him.
Chrissy. We all have been in your shoes in some way. Lies and deception and broken promises. Unfortunately your situation is complicated by a serious health issue.
Have you sought counseling for yourself. The reason I ask is b/c wheni H started his affair I was trying to save our marriage. When it appeared hopeless the therapist said if you end up divorced you want to walk away knowing you did everything you could to save the marriage. This way you can walk away with no regrets.
Now my H had a 3 year EA in the late 90s during graduate school. I confronted him for years and he made me out to be crazy. Made me seem like a jealous wife. Fast forward to 2013 and the current affair partner/OW tells me he admitted to the EAs w/ grad school girl.
Boy was I pissed. He lied to me our whole marriage of 25+ years.
So my advice to you is counseling can help you. Not for you & him. But for you. My H refused counseling so I went alone. Best thing I ever did.
Your H is in a position that he needs you. Maybe now he finally gets it. Who knows? But you don’t want a marriage where you are staying out of guilt AND you don’t want a situation where you have tremendous guilt because you divorced.
I think the fact that his choices to have contact for a long period of time, despite everything is an indication of his mindset. I always follow the actions and not the words.
Please heal yourself. Forget your friends and family. Your H can hire someone to help him or get other family members to care for him. You just want to be sure you are guilt free no matter what decision you choose.
I originally stayed with my H b/c of our kids. But I now know if our marriage fails our kids will be ok and I will be ok. I also now know why so many marriages cannot survive infidelity It is a rocky road.
Thanks for your reply. I appreciate your advice. We started marriage counseling last week and we are both supposed to start IC next week. Not much happened during the initial counseling session but afterwards we had a long talk where he admitted to both PA and EA with this woman. He answered all of my questions about their relationship as well. I was feeling better, just finally knowing the truth, but then I started thinking about how disrespectful he was to me and how lame his reasons were, and how easily he could just treat me like I was nothing . I know I should not compare myself to the AP but it is hard to swallow who he chose. She is a drug addict who is almost ten years older than I am and on government assistance. Apparently, he has a thing for thin redheads. I am a chubby brunette, who happens to be educated and have a career. A few days ago the AP texted him saying “you still have my heart” We both texted her back on our individual phones that we are working on our marriage and for her to keep out of our lives, presenting a united front. I felt good about that, but now I wonder if he is just trying to fool me again. Paranoid, maybe, but who wouldn’t be at this point? My emotions are like a yo-yo. I really need this counseling to help me get my head straight so I can make better decisions. I told him that if he wants to be with her, he is free to go at any time. However, under no circumstances will I put up with them together while he is under my roof. Sick or not, he and all his stuff, will be out the door.
I completed your survey and say your site has been a God send for me. Thanks Doug and Linda.
Will have been married 25 years in May to my CH. His first affair began early 2012, but I wasn’t aware until July 2012 I read the e-mails that he never gave to her, stating he wanted to marry her. He says it never became a PA, but I think there was some fooling around.
So he moves out July of 2013 and tried to purchase a suite in her building but didn’t have any money for a down payment because he put us in a lot of debt which he ran from by running to her. So he became their handyman to pay for his rent.
This EA ended 6 months after he moved out.
Within a month after his EA ended he was online searching for the perfect “soul mate” . I did not know he had found once again another “true love” until he confessed to me, and said he ended it and wanted to come home, after it turned into a PA.
I let him come home believing him at the time.
Fast forward to a few days ago, as it is still on and off with this AP and she hinted marriage to him in a text. So I think it’s off again.
So while he thinks about his next move trying to “find himself” with or without her I continue to live one day at a time here, knowing who I am and where I will be in the future.
Also thanks to all of you on this site for your comments and support.
Hey Ann, I’m glad our site has helped you in some way and I’m truly sorry you’re still having to put up with your husband’s poor behavior. I think your statement about living one day at a time and knowing who you are and where you’ll be is awesome and proves to me that you’re a very strong woman.
Trying Hard and Becky. You are both right that the AP (whether male or female) knows right from and when the line is crossed.
In 1995 I told my H his EA -AP liked him more than “friends”. He did nothing about it. He knew all those years he saw her in class and socially it was wrong. The 2nd OW was clearly out to disrupt our marriage. She was pressuring him to make a move to divorce me.
Again it is all self serving justifications on both parties. All that soul mate/connection/ crap is for one purpose & that is to soothe your guilty conscience.
And the next time I hear “connection” or we had a deep connection line they may have a connection with my fist.
Doug and Linda, I would also like to express my gratitude for the work you do. I stumbled across the site while googling things to help me deal with my husbands EA. Of all the resources and books I have read, I have found this one the most helpful. I was able to make some sense out of what my husband did as his affair was pretty A typical. The explaining of the affair fog really helped me understand why he wouldnt let it go. I check in on your site daily and want to thank you for helping me stay in my marriage.
Thank you so much for the kind words, Heartbroken.
I value this site more than I could ever imagine. This is a club that I never wanted to join and yet I can’t tear myself away from it. The worse I feel, the more frequently I check in to see how things are going for everybody and to get some inspiration to get me through.the day.
I am very grateful to Doug and Linda for guiding us through this minefield of emotions and showing us the way to the other side. I am also so grateful to all of you fellow “club members” that share their stories, heartache and ideas. The support and sometimes the tough love advice shown to each other is fantastic! Seeing you make progress and knowing the things that everyone holds as important or special to them inspires me to question and review how I deal with issues. Although not a funny situation that we are all in, the humour here is something I just can’t get anywhere else!
I haven’t spoken to many people about my H’s EA. I feel now, especially after almost 4 years that I would lose their respect for not leaving him. It may yet happen but if anyone can understand why I am still here, it would be all of you. Where else could I feel this understanding and acceptance? Thank you to Doug and Linda and all of you!
Thanks so much A-Skank. We’re grateful for all your contributions as well!
Doug gor done reason it takes days for the posts to appear. I see them via email but not on the blog. Example Becky posted something but I do not see it on the blog only via email notification.
I am using an iPhone 6 with no recent changes or upgrades. Is there an issue on your end?
No there’s no issue that I’m aware of. Usually when those types of things happen, you need to refresh your browser or clear your cache. Give that a try. I noticed that Becky’s last comment was made to a post that was from 2010 (perhaps in error) so that might explain why it’s not showing up on the blog.
Doug,
Am I the only one that divorced after the affair?
Hi Rachel, Nope, 4.10% of the people who responded were divorced. So you’re certainly not alone!