Comments on: Stupid Things Said While in an Affair

By: Holly

Holly — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 16:15:00 +0000

All these comments and the blog have been a real gift to me. My husband has been involved in emotional affairs for several years now. I have felt for years that he couldn’t handle me sharing myself and he’s even told me so. I also realized he did share some of himself with other women friends and didn’t put two and two together until the past week. He is now involved in a “sexual exploration” in order to “become who he genuinely is”. All the rationale lines sound possible, although those have not come out of his mouth. Instead, what I’m hearing are things like: I’ve been the good and faithful husband my whole life, I need to discover my soul in order to give it to you genuinely, I want to see the effect I have as a man on a woman/women, I’m owning it rather than trying to figure it out/blaming you or me, If we’re to be soulmates I have to know and own and have a real genuine free soul to share and it goes on from there. He’s not willing to stop and in fact wants me to find someone to meet my needs and would like to be involved in that exploration. I’m so confused and deeply, deeply sad. I need some perspective – what he is saying IS crazy talk, right? Right? I can’t sort it out anymore.

By: Annie

Annie — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 19:41:40 +0000

Oh yes Terri , exactly!! good luck, and I am in the same boat, by the way. Also waiting…but not too long.

By: Annie

Annie — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 19:34:18 +0000

Oh yes Michael, I have heard that – “let’s just call it quits so that I can stop hurting you , and you can get on with your life” How wonderfully magnanimous, how wonderfully thoughtful and generous! (Heavy sarcasm in case you did not realise)

By: Donna

Donna — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 01:06:53 +0000

Oh dear, reading these posts just make me chuckle.. and feel so sad too. As Kate said, these OM/OW are so scripted. I have got from my hubby.. “She is just like a sister to me” (so you would have sex with your sister huh?)
“She understands me, you don’t” or “we are just not on the same page anymore”.

What is with these people. My hubby says he is not like any typical Adulterer and there fore it is wrong of me to put him the same box. Yes, situations are different, but there lingo and illogical thinking is all very much the same. I think they must have all read the same dialogue book.

By: HarrieB

HarrieB — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 16:33:51 +0000

Aah, yes, # 1 another addition. I have heard (on more than 1 occasion), not just that she was helping with our marriage but that SHE had SAVED our marriage – how kind of her!

By: Kate

Kate — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 21:16:47 +0000

Over the past few months as I have read more blogs and forums about infidelity, I am amazed at how the “script” seems to be the same for just about every situation. The details may differ greatly, but the cheater says the exact same lines every time. It’s truly unreal how many times I’ve read these lines and heard them in my husband’s voice in my head because he made the exact same (word for word) statements as all the rest!

And of course, the cheater always thinks “It’s different for us… This isn’t like all those other people who are having affairs…” When clearly, they are all just the same delusional fogheads.

By: admin

admin — Fri, 28 May 2010 18:07:43 +0000

Terri, I think the comment about the giving up the first half of his life has got to be one of the stupidest I’ve heard yet. Thanks for sharing.

By: Terri

Terri — Fri, 28 May 2010 17:42:21 +0000

Have you ever noticed that the craziest ppl are the ones who believe that they are the sanest–just ev1 else is crazy or doesn’t understand their parallel universe in FantasyAffairLand. They are so self-deluded that they actually can start rationalizing and justifying to the point WE may even buy into it-Ouch! I keep saying my mantra silently “Stop the madness!, Stop the insanity” and try calm and placate the lunatic. Oh 180, or charging neutral or agreeing with them whatever it at least makes the BS feel saner. Okay here are some stupid quotes in the beginning by my worsehalf:
D-DAY with kids and me after just being told, “She(OW bought a lot of gifts for you guys(my kids), is it okay if I give them to them now??” “She’s so generous”(and has pathetic, poor taste in thinking doing that was right or even decent.
“Don’t you wan’t me to be happy? Don’t I deserve that chance?” said to me and kids.(don’t we all)
“I have already given up the first half or my life–I want to be happy in the second half.”(gee how easy it is to forget all of your 1st half happiness-births of your kids, wedding, etc…)Only a crazy person says this to his wife and kids and thinks it is okay! Direct route instead of implied would have been translated–”Sorry but y’all are a bunch of losers that have ruined my life up until I met this wonderful woman and now I have hope for a happy future away from all of you deadweight/ball and chains. Get it now?
They may try to use pretty sounding(to their ears) words, but they really don’t care what kind of negative impact they have on their loved ones–no remorse, conscience, or empathy. Isn’t that characteristic of a sociopath?

By: admin

admin — Fri, 21 May 2010 21:02:26 +0000

Terri, Thanks for the comment and welcome. You seem to be doing everything right. One day the affair will die on it’s own. Good luck.

By: Terri

Terri — Fri, 21 May 2010 20:54:07 +0000

I agree completely. It is called invasion of the husband snatchers. The affair person is not my real husband–he is like a mindless, infatuated, foolish, stubborn, etc…I think you see what I think. First, let me tell you the worst part, is I see this, kids, friends, everybody else can see this irrational behavior except for the H & OW. Why because they want to believe the fantasy, the connection(not necessarily sexual) that is a need that was being met. In my situation, it was financial, not being domestic enough, being selfish, not nice enough, not attentive, being overly emotional…according to my husband. Really nothing that dramatic or that was worse than normally in our marriage, UNTIL he started his thing and I felt a distance, meanness, disconnect, even though I was lied to when asked. We are going through a divorce–it is one month after he told me and about 6 weeks since we separated. I know this new relationship will not last–or go past what it is right now. He is allowed to make the biggest mistake of his life–because I spent a month trying to talk him out of it. Does not work. I am backing off–but remaining friendly, encouraging interaction with the kids, meeting a few of his needs that I WANT to meet. This helps me because going cold turkey no more of him–would be like me quitting smoking(or worse). This is just how I need to deal with letting him go–gradually. Even though the OW tracks his every move, texts, calls, has spies, etc…because she is so insecure and jealous of me. She lives a long distance away–her problem not mine. One reason it will never work. Sometimes I think that is why it has been so attractive to my H–it is so complicated it is bound to fail. He has already back-tracked from yes I am moving there–to it won’t be til later-I may never move to where she is. A divorce is going to protect me financially and emotionally while he is pondering. I am not gonna wait long. No guarantees if he gives her up on his own–that I will still be available. We are both okay with that. So maybe some day the aliens will switch the pod with my real husband and we will have a much better marriage as a result of this very rude wake up call. If not–looking and feeling good on my part will be the best revenge.