Life in the Affair Bubble

affair bubble

The cheater isn't thinking clearly when in the affair bubble.

Yesterday my Father-in-law met my brother-in-law’s affair partner, and though my Father-in-law didn’t have much to say about the whole event, he did mention that my brother-in-law is head over heels in love and has pretty much written off his 28-year marriage.

I haven’t had the opportunity to speak to my brother-in-law about the whole situation, but it is clear that he is well insulated by the “affair bubble,” and I’m afraid has made up his mind without thinking things through in a rational manner.  At this stage he can’t.

It makes me think about when I was in the throes of my emotional affair with Tanya and not thinking clearly.  It also makes me think just how lucky I am that I snapped out of my affair fog in time to save my marriage.

I fear that my brother in law will eventually come to a point and realize that he made a mistake.  But it will more than likely be too little, too late.

His wife has already approached an attorney and he now feels he will lose a substantial amount of his wealth in the impending divorce by way of a lump sum payment  in addition to paying alimony.  He says he doesn’t care.  He can live with less, and will be much happier regardless. 

He is already experiencing his children’s anger and resentment towards him.  Will he ever gain their trust and respect again?  Who knows, but at the moment he doesn’t seem to care.  He is experiencing the same selfishness that I did, but just doesn’t see it that way.

I wonder how Christmas will be this year.  I wonder how birthdays will be celebrated, and I wonder really if we will ever see our nieces and nephew again as they all live several hours away.  We had a really good relationship with my sister-in-law’s family and now I wonder if we have seen them for the last time as well. 

He does not seem shy about showing off his mistress, and I wonder how she will fit into or be accepted by our family.  I wonder what my kids really think about the whole situation.

An affair is more than just two people having a fling or experiencing illicit passion or what they think is ‘real love.’  It truly can destroy more than a marriage, and can affect many more lives than just the two who are involved.  I wonder if he has thought about things like this.  Perhaps if he did, he would realize there is so much more to lose than there is to gain and that eventually this affair bubble will burst and real life will take over.  I would at some point like to share my own experiences and knowledge about all this, as I can tell him that I have been there—done that.  I wonder if he will listen—or care!

 

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8 Responses to Life in the Affair Bubble

  1. Starting Over June 4, 2010 at 2:33 pm #

    Sounds like my situation. My husband is in the affair bubble still but as things get more real about us being over he is scared. He doesn’t sleep, He is depressed, etc. But This is his choice. It will be too late for your brother in law, but it will be a mistake that many people will have to pay for and it is tragic.

    It is too late for my husband as well. I just yesterday filed my papers and today am going to look at another house. I need to be out of his control completely and make him be on his own and know EXACTLY what decision he has made.

    It is up to you to stay in contact with your sister in law and her family. My in laws and I are very close and will always be. I fear my looking for another place will be possibly rift causing but I have to take that in stride right?

    Good luck. I am sure you will have some kind of relationship. Remember you can reach out to your sister in law and still support your brother.

    • admin June 4, 2010 at 4:02 pm #

      Yes, you are right. We need to reach out to our sister in law. We haven’t always had the best relationship with her, but we get along great with our nieces and nephew. You need to do what you feel you need to do, and not worry about any rifts.

      • Starting Over June 4, 2010 at 4:43 pm #

        I agree…the rift will be made. To have my own piece of mind will be worth it. I am doing the application for the house today. Wish me luck!

        • admin June 4, 2010 at 5:33 pm #

          You got it…Good luck!!

  2. kristine July 2, 2011 at 4:08 am #

    I have a friend who’s affair came to light the day my husband was moving back home. Her husband was ironically the one helping my husband. When he returned home, she had left her laptop open and all the proof was there. She has been having an affair with her boss for close to or over 5 years. Now, a year later, they’re divorced! She’s still in the fog and deep in it too. It’s sad. They were our go-to couple and after seeing what I went through and how the fall-out caused so much destruction, you would have thought she’d wake up and end her affair but she’s in pretty deep. She’s still in the justifying stage.

  3. Gizfield June 22, 2012 at 9:50 pm #

    Just reading this, what is the update on your brother in law and his girlfriend ?

    • Linda June 25, 2012 at 9:13 am #

      Gizfield, The short story update is that my brother is now divorced and is living with his girlfriend. I feel so sorry for my ex-sister in law and their kids.

  4. Gizfield June 25, 2012 at 12:56 pm #

    Thanks, Linda.I’m sorry to hear that. It is a way tooooo common story today. It may last with the girlfriend but it’s doubtful to me. After a few years the new wears off, just like paying on your car. The new’s gone but you still gotta make that payment.

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