By Sarah P.
My husband asked me to sit down and start the show “The Last Man On Earth” with him. He had read the reviews and told me others viewers liked it. I loved the first and second episodes, but in the third episode, I became so irrationally angry that I could not continue the show.
The premise of the show is that a virus kills most of humanity and after two years alone, the last man and woman on earth finally meet. She could be considered annoying by some, but regardless, she is a good person with a good heart. He on the other hand is a man-child and portrays the worst in male human nature when rules and society disappear. They get married because she says she will not ‘repopulate’ the planet without being married.
Of course, he thinks he deserves better and does not appreciate her. Then, January Jones enters the picture as the third last person on earth. Everything quickly falls apart because the last man on earth becomes obsessed with the January Jones character and does not even try to hide it.
He tries to convince his wife that he needs to mate with both of them to preserve humanity. Of course, that is not his real motive—he is an incredibly selfish, immature, man-child who cares not for the feelings of others and cares not if he deeply hurts his wife.
That’s when I turned it off because I became enraged. The character’s treatment of his wife is so heinous and demeaning to her that I could not continue watching it. You see, his character is basically a summary of a type of man out there that actually exists.
There are quite a few men in this world that, when they meet an attractive woman besides their wife, will stop at nothing to bed that woman. In fact, that woman may not be more attractive than his wife and often she is not as attractive as his wife. But, she is different and that difference drives him blindly forward.
He puts on blinders and completely ignores his wife’s feelings—he completely ignores the fact that he will be breaking up his family and leaving many broken hearts in his wake. He needs that different woman and will stop at nothing.
A Mistress’ Tale…
I started researching this phenomena online and I came across an anonymous post on the Experience Project website. A mistress, who called herself “Anonymous,” wrote a post telling her side of the story and the psychology of these men.
I in no way empathize or condone infidelity under any circumstance. Still, I felt it is important to share her insights because she says some things that maybe the rest of us haven’t thought about. Please be aware that the man she describes is not all men and does not represent all cheating husbands. Still, it’s worth a read.
Anonymous begins, “Don’t you women get it yet? Most married men are not going to leave their wife for the other woman. These men want the best of both worlds and as long as you’re giving it to them, that’s how things will be.”
Research actually supports what she is saying. According to the latest research, 90% of men don’t leave their wives for their mistress. Most divorces happen when a fed-up wife leaves. (And I support those women who leave just as I support those women who stay.)
Anonymous continues, “These men are just missing that spark that passion that their marriage has lost. And they want the excitement of someone new. Oh at first, they really think that they’re in love, but as time goes by they realize that they aren’t as it becomes more routine.”
She is pointing out a flaw that I believe many men have. But, it doesn’t matter whether they feel their marriage is stale. First off all, they need to do something about it so that it isn’t stale. Secondly, it is always their choice to action it or not. It is never an excuse, but I do believe most men deal with this at one point or another.
Anonymous points out, “All these men want is the thrill of being with somebody new and to know that they’re still attractive to other women. They want the stability they have with their wife and the excitement they have with the other woman. They want the best of both. When the other woman starts pressuring the married man to leave his wife, normally he dumps her.”
She reinforces that when men stray, they don’t do it because they have fallen out of love with their wives or want a divorce. They have fallen in lust with someone else and sometimes it is as simple as that.
Anonymous has more to say: “Now I’m not saying all married men are like this. But I am saying that you deserve better! Why do we as women put up with this? I myself put up with this for over eight years. My married man did marry me, but he has cheated on me too. Do you really believe you are the difference? I did! Even though he promised to never bring strife into our marriage and never cheat on me, the fact is he did!”
So, Anonymous found out that even if the rare man leaves his wife and marries his mistress, he goes out and cheats on the mistress too. The other woman always thinks she will be “different’. She makes up a story in her head that the married man is her soul mate and that normally he is a loyal guy (snicker); she reasons that she is different—indeed she is better—and he will never cheat on her. I guess women like this never heard the phrase, “A zebra never changes its stripes”. Plus, how can a man respect or trust a woman who has been his mistress?
Anonymous continues and wants others to share in her pity party: “If you happen to be lucky enough to have your MM leave his wife and family, it can be even worse. Once his wife and family find out about you, you have now become the enemy and it’s all your fault. You’re a terrible home wrecker and the kids will never like you and the wife has nothing nice to say about you. They usually end up alienating the married man too. The children listened to their mother and the horrible thing she has to say about the father and the woman that took him from her so their opinion is not very good of your relationship. They tend not to want to be around you and if they are they usually just want something from you.”
Oh wah, what a tragedy. It never ceases to amaze me the level of entitlement other women have in regards to what they did. This attitude drives me insane and I want to tell these women to wake up and to look at how their actions lead to their unhappy situation. They are not victims—they are active participants in their own demise. And yet, they never want to take responsibility.
Finally, Anonymous ends on an interesting note. She summarizes, “Things that aren’t issues to a normal couple, end up creating problems for the new relationship. Family functions don’t usually go very well. You end up fighting with your spouse over the stupidest things. So I ask you, is he really worth all that? And if he did it to her you can bet he’ll do it to you! Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule, and we all hope we have that exception. But, the truth is we can’t all have that exception. So all you other women stand up for yourselves demand respect and get a man you deserve!”
From the horse’s mouth—what can I say? For starters, a woman’s behavior, actions, and decisions end up getting her the man she deserves. (The exception here is women in abusive relationships).
It sure seems like most mistresses just don’t get it…
And moreover they don’t want to accept the consequences of their actions. They continue to play the victim in these situations and refuse to see that the real victims are the wives and the children whose lives will be forever changed. Infidelity is a BIG, stinking deal. Lives are changed irrevocably and there is a negative trickle down that can affect many future generations.
Of course, everyone has the ability to heal, to renew their lives, and to come out the other end unscathed. If you have been cheated on, remember that there is nothing you did to deserve it, nothing you did to create it, and nothing you did to cause it.
The bottom line is, everyone has a choice in how they conduct their life. But, don’t allow his/her choices to impact you. There is hope and there are steps you can take to come out the other end a much stronger and more peaceful version of yourself.
You see, the bottom line is, the unfaithful’s actions only affect you for as long as you let them. Give yourself time to go through the grieving process and then let go of his/her actions. They do not define you in any way.
We’d like to thank Sarah P. for once again contributing to our blog. Sarah is a busy writer and mom and has two Master’s degrees – one in English and another in clinical psychology.
We’re here to show you the right way to survive infidelity so that your marriage doesn’t become some sort of statistic.
We’ve been in your shoes and are in a unique position to put all of our experiences – both good and bad, successes and failures – and use them to help lead you out of the pain and into a better place.
10 replies to "The Last Man On Earth – The Worst of a Man’s Nature Portrayed In a Network Dramedy"
I always love Sarah P’s writing. Glad to see her posting again.
It sounds like this OW gets it. Buttttt, not until she “got lucky” and the mm divorced his first family and married her and had an affair while married to her. Shocking!! But, but she was so special!! Please bitch, how old are you? Have you not seen pictures from outer space of this huge planet we live on? If you have, did you see some kind of glowing halo around just you?? Of course not because there isn’t one. News flash cheater, YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. You are just like the rest of us trying to get through this little bitty time we have here on earth. Some of us strive not to hurt others while doing so. Some of us choose to live honorably and with integrity. Then there are those who choose to wallow in selfish entitlement. Who look at themselves in the mirror and say “fuck everyone else, it’s all about me”. LOL then wonder why their lives are screwed up.
Yeah, she may seem to “get it” but my bet is she’s looking for her next affair partner. Someone to tell her she’s special (totally said in a snarky sarcastic tone).
There’s not much on television I like to watch anymore other than PBS. We are watching “Billions” on Showtime. It’s about a Wall Street financial manager. He is the epitome of power, ruthlessness and narcissism. Anyway, on the third show the protagonist/antagonist goes to a concert without his wife, with his buddies. A female comes on to him. Rock star at that. So I’m watching thinking, oh boy here we go… But no, he turns her down. I thought it was curious that he gave her no indication he was even remotely interested in her and yet the female character very aggressively pursued and flirted with him. Just sex, no commitments. He told her he was flattered, AND married. He did not fall for the come on like I was sure he would and I think my h thought he would too. And I loved what the female character said after he turned her down, “your wife is a lucky woman, but actually I think you may be the luckier one to have her” and he agree!!! Crap why didn’t my husband do that?!?!?! Anyway, I was shocked the plot didn’t show him giving in to his entitled ego and sleep with her. He really isn’t a very sympathetic character. It was an interesting take on Hollywood infidelity that I had never seen before. It’s worth a shot. Well at least when NOVA isn’t on 🙂
Hey TH! Good to hear from you. It’s been a while. Hope all is well!
Very well written but too bad the cheating spouse will not read this and agree.
It is sad that the CS will use the excuse “I deserve to be happy” as a justification for cheating.
In the middle of my H’s affair we were watching the Sopranos. It is the episode where is in counseling with his wife but still cheating. He is telling the therapist that things in his marriage are great. At the end of the episode my CH turns to me and says watching that was a bit awkward. A bit?! I was outraged that he had so little thought on it.
Typical bury your head in the sand scenario.
Makes you wonder if the adage once a cheater always a cheater is true.
Bor
I have the opposite opinion here as a man who is the betrayed, I recently found out that wifes EA she told me started in March 2014 at a group meeting when they gazed into each others eyes but she was friends with him through the group for about 2 years prior to that. but in irrational thought came into her head that if she told the AP that she was attracted to him then she would forget about it. After a year of her continually going to his house and emailing an texting him secretly form her private work computer and phone and her brand new smart phone.
He finally made the move and she allowed herself to be swept away in joy and happiness. The circumstances of much of this was a severe illness of my autistic child who progressively got worse until he ended up in the hospital in August 2014. I would say that she is not good at suffering and I also didn’t really have the strength to comfort her. As she was tied up in her EA I began to get resentful that i couldn’t get any of her time just couldn’t believe she was cheating but i actually did say to my kids one time when i was exasperated at trying to get her to come with me to a show. they asked me where is mom going and i said sarcastically “probably to see her AP” Wow, how did I miss that. I don’t feel she has much remorse for the whole thing and that was the big part she has held back for 6 months. She had me believing that she felt the attraction but never said anything and thought she could remain just friends. How stupid to not separate herself from her vulnerability. I told her in September 2014 after my son was released from the hospital(month in ICU with 7 broken ribs from muscle spasms.) that 2014 was the worst year of my life. also had rotator cuff surgery which she didn’t even stay home the night i came back from the hospital to care for me . our au pair did. How she could have done this when our son was struggling for his life is incomprehensible to me. Really struggling today.
Hi Doug
Yes things are goi g good. Building industry is picking up so crazy busy. Which is a good thing. I always like Sarah P so just wanted to chime in. Thanks for asking
I love Sarah P’s guest posts. Always on the money. The one positive thing I can say about my OH’s OW is that when he wrote to her ending all contact, he asked her never to contact him, and I do believe she did abide by that. Some integrity after all…or was that out of guilt for what she had been doing?
OH gets very uncomfortable watching anything with me that portrays infidelity.
I will never understand the ow/ap’s. Granted the full responsibility for what happened lays with my husband even though he says both women were aggressive towards him. It took one four years to get his phone number asking regularly. For me these women are the lowest common denominator. All I can think about is how they have to be the lowest level or think too highly of themselves. Either way they are pathetic in my book. If this is what they pursue and continue hidden relationships with a known married man. They chose to be in relationships that remained secret and were very sporadic. No matter what they said there is no way any normal single woman wants to keep a relationship secret to the world. So all I can think is these women are truly messed up. All of that being said my husband is the one who has to pay. They have moved on and have their boyfriends and go about life. My husband is the one who almost tore apart a family. Only time will tell if he has it in him to repair the damage and make a lasting marriage out of what we have.
The one thing I know is I am 100% confident in who I am. I will not deviate from that or change who I am. I can live with every decision I have made and I love that I have no problems making the right decisions in life. I always was sure of myself and knew who I was but this has been cemented even more. I have not changed the core of who I am since I met my husband 25 years ago and I have realized that he is the one who had changed.
Hopeful. This is well said and I am right there with you. No regrets as I look back over the past 30 years. I am not perfect but I always was kind and considerate towards my H.
But it was not recognized or received in the same way based on the things that he told me during his affair. They were mean and cruel and unfortunately cannot be taken back.
But what happens to people that lows them to make the choices they do? Why is cheating even an option? The OW tried to start up with him a third time but he finally ignored her and she finally went away. Finally.
I just look at him sometimes and want to say why? I know it wasn’t worth it in the end. But there is so much damage. For what?
The first wife
I totally agree with what you said and your questions. At this point 11 months out I honestly think in my case it is my husbands personality and character. So that leaves me wondering can he make the right decisions going forward and can our relationship be salvaged. Only little issues have come up and not related to women but I can see his lack of ability to say no or his ability to please everyone else first. It can be friends, family, work relationships. So beyond anything affair related I am starting to see it everywhere in his life. Some of what he did was to detach and avoid me and our kids. Some was him wanting to do what he did.
I think about all of your questions over and over too. And so far he has not had a lot of great answers for me or if he had they contradict each other. And he explains it that his affairs were all really a fantasy and nothing real so none of it makes sense to him. I just at the end of each day wonder who is he? What is he about? Like I said I am so sure of myself. I don’t need to ask him should I go out with my friends tonight? Should I meet my dad for dinner? Should I buy these jeans how do they look? I know what is right for me and our family. I make the right decisions or ones I can live with. For him I am not so sure. He cannot turn down a drink from a friend without feeling bad even if he does not want it. All boundaries and all a slippery slope. Lots of work to be done and unfortunately he needs to do the work not me. I am 100% supportive and committed but I can not make decisions for him or be his moral compass.
The one thing that sits with me is I was saying last summer how it is really hard to be in my position. He agreed but then he said he wishes he could go back in time and not make all the bad decisions he did. He said he respects me and only wishes he was in my shoes. I take it as a compliment. It is true I would never want to be in his shoes and never will be. It is too bad he had to make the decisions that he did. And in the end whatever happens to our family and our marriage will fall on his shoulders.
I love reading Sarah’s posts. Always something great to read and well written.
It sounds like this OW does seem to get it now that she was cheated on, but the woman that is cheating with my husband doesn’t.
She was cheated on by her husband, but in my opinion is out just to try and ruin somebody else’s marriage and my CH is ignorant enough to let it keep going on, and loves the attention he gets from her. I asked him why he keeps it going on with her, his answer “I don’t know”. Seriously?
I have been the only one working on this marriage, and now I am working on plan B as I continue to look after my aging father who turned 89, and at this stage of the game it’s me and my father who come first, then the cats, our business and then my husband, as he has had a lot of time to end this affair and work on our marriage.
Everyone have a great day.