We’re going to poke a little fun at ourselves today to lighten things up a bit. You know you’re getting old when…

you know you're getting old whenBy Linda & Doug

Later this month both Linda and I will be turning 53 years of age.

There’s no doubt that we are both in excellent health. Neither of us have any medical conditions that require us to take any medications and we typically only have to see our doctor for our annual physicals. So there are no complaints there.

However, we have noticed some of those age related issues that are starting to be a factor; many of which are the same issues we often teased our own parents about when we were back in high school.

So we’re gonna throw some of what we’re going through out there and you’re more than welcome to add your own age related issues in the comment section.

 

You know you’re getting old when…

  • Getting out of bed in the morning is a painful experience.
  • Six hours of sleep a night is considered a great night’s sleep and waking at 7AM on a weekend is considered sleeping in.  
  • You constantly feel like you’re going to start your menstrual period even though it’s been six months since your last one.
  • You get up to do something but quickly forget why you got up.
  • You find the cereal box in the refrigerator.
  • You get chosen last for a pick-up basketball game at the ‘Y’.
  • You would rather veg on the couch on a Friday night instead of hitting happy hour.
  • You eat right and exercise daily and yet you still gain weight.
  • Hair starts growing out of places it shouldn’t.
  • People and the stupid shit they say and do really start to annoy you.
  • You crack a tooth from eating a Skittle.
  • You get junk mail from cemeteries, hearing aid companies and AARP.
  • Your friends’ kids start getting married.
  • You wear the same pair of sweats and t-shirt every day.
  • You hear the songs you grew up with on the elevator.
  • You grunt, groan and sigh when you sit down or stand up.
  • Your ass is either getting flatter or fatter depending on whether you’re a man or woman.
  • You have to get up two times a night to pee, even though you’ve gone at least 27 times during the day.
  • You want a massage for non-sexual reasons.
  • The person who does your hair tells you that you’ve been a client for longer than anyone else.
  • You can’t read the friggin directions on the pain reliever bottle.
  • It’s either too hot or too cold outside.
  • You still read the newspaper.
  • You start giving advice to people who don’t ask for it.
  • You bitch every time the price of gas goes up.
  • You still own a VCR.
  • You say stuff like “Back in the day…” or “When I was young…”
  • You check the food package ingredients for fiber content.
  • You don’t hang out with 25 of your closest friends anymore; just a handful.
  • Your childhood days spent blistering in the sun without sunscreen are starting to worry you.
  • You need glasses to put your makeup on.
  • Your kid asks for your advice on investments and insurance.
  • You pee your pants a little bit when you sneeze,  laugh too hard or exercise.
  • You need to recuperate for at least 24 hours before you can have sex again.
See also  Resources for Dealing with Abusive Relationships

Well, that’s all we can come up with for now. We can keep a running list in the comment section, so please add your own issues for ‘You Know You’re Getting Old When…’

Whew! That wore us out. Time for a nap!

 

    38 replies to "You Know You’re Getting Old When…"

    • Alfonso

      You know you’re getting old when ” you don’t want to read Doug & Linda’s list because you are almost sure that half the things listed in the article describe your actual life” LOL
      And it doesn’t matter 30,40,50…you’re time will come….
      Love and blessings to all at EA..

      • Doug

        I hear ya, Afonso. We had a fun time coming up with this list, yet it’s kind of depressing because they are all so real. I guess it beats being 6-feet under!

    • theresa

      HAHAHAHA
      This is great!

    • fighting

      You know you are getting old when Your waist has moved from the mid-section to under Your arms……
      You know you are getting old when Your pupils put up their hand in class, eager to answer (10 -year olds) and knows another Word for OLD and it is Your name……. (this is in Norway). By the way – BIG mistake……

      • Doug

        I think I would have suspended that kid!

    • Patsy50

      Wishing you and Linda an early “Happy Birthday”. Thanks for the good laugh today! You know you are getting old when everything from your head to your toes are moving on down south.

      • Doug

        Thanks Patsy! Yes gravity sucks!

    • Strengthrequired

      Great one,
      .I’ll add, you know your getting old when your h decides to trade you in for a newer model.
      .You know he is getting old when he decides to trade you in on a newer model.
      .The tv and music is always too loud….
      .you start seeing that the older generation is getting fewer in the family, then you realise your the oldest in a gathering.

    • Tabs

      SR-

      I like item 1. (What do you think the newer model sees in the older?)

      You know you’re getting old when: You have to see the optometrist for a stronger prescription, the podiatrist for a knee that is acting like a barometer, and the ob/gyn for an explanation as as to why you’re no longer in “peri” menopause… all in the same week. Thank goodness for the weekend.

      • Strengthrequired

        Tabs, the newer model just sees a sugar daddy, lol
        The older model, sees an older man trying to act young and alive.

        • Strengthrequired

          Ohh and you know your getting old when your starting to look forward to your own midlife crisis, especially if it’s as good for the ego as your spouses was.

          • Rachel

            Good one strength!!

    • Theresa

      I can tell you that I knew the exact moment I WAS old!

      Taking care of bodily functions I chanced to look down and was pole axed!
      I was looking at my old lady legs.
      You know, when all you see is skin sagging over bone, and no hint of muscle.

    • Gizfield

      I don’t mind “being older” cause I don’t really feel that way.

      Menopause, at least the aspect of not having a period after 40 long years of them, is great. Not worrying about getting pregnant is great.

      Gray hair, on me, is not great. Having to remember to pluck my beard occasionally is not great. My husband has a hair that grows out of his cheek underneath his eye. Not great.

      But, I finally feel like I have gotten free from “worrying about what people think” of me. And feeling like people have a place in my life because they did at one time. I have gotten in contact with a lot of old friends on Facebook, and it’s fun to catch up but I don’t put a lot of emphasis on it. Same with reunions and all that.

    • Gizfield

      I read in a book recently that relationships based on a “shared past” or a “shared trauma” are toxic a lot of the time and need to be examined to see if they really are useful and healthy for your current situation. I’m doing this and finding that it is true a lot of the time. Just because someone lived on the same street or worked the same job isn’t that important if you don’t have more in common.

      My husband has a group of high school friends who hang out all the time. They spend all their time partying, engaging in juvenile humor, and reminiscing about the old days. We go around them a couple of times a year, maybe. It just really holds no interest for me. Or him either, thankfully.

    • Gizfield

      My old friends do some strange stuff too, lol. I haven’t seen my best friend from high school for about eight years, and I don’t guess I have talked to her on the phone in about three years. We are friends on Facebook so I keep up with her there.. She changed her profile picture a few days ago to a “selfie” of her laying on the bed with an odd smile. It is not a bad picture but it’s just kind of strange, a little disturbing for a 55 year old woman. She is always posting photos of Whore Shoes, and makeup and nail polish, and taking quizzes like Which character are you from The Wizard of Oz? or something. She’s always been kind of heavy and I have not seen a unposed, full body photo of her in years, if ever, on facebook. Lots of pics from school, and selfie head shots, and Photoshopped stuff.

      When we do talk, it’s always about the past. I really do like her, and we had a great friendship but I just feel like we have both moved on to be different people now.

      • Strengthrequired

        Giz, I have to agree it is strange, is she single? Maybe she is on the prowl, lol.

        • Gizfield

          Yes, shes single. Has been 20 years or more. I’m not sure what to think of it, lol.

          • Strengthrequired

            Giz, maybe she is getting desperate now… Laying out on a bed and posting it on fb or any other website, is just something many would do, unless advertising for a new matress. I would see this more on late night tv, on those xxx chat advertisements. Lol, well that’s wnat jumped in my mind anyway. Lol

            • Strengthrequired

              Was supposed to say isn’t something many would do, lol.

    • forcryin'outloud

      I had a dear “older” friend tell me you spend your 20s and 30s going to parties and weddings and your 40s on going to hospitals and funerals.

      The stray hairs have got to be the most peculiar thing!!! I have this whisker that grows at random times off the bottom of my chin. One morning nothing then the next day there’s a 1/2 inch long black whisker. I swear the damn thing grows overnight. The gray uni-brow hairs are a pain in the a$$ too!!!!

      One other weird thing is I have friends younger than me who are grandparents and then a friend two years younger who is having baby this month. Middle age can be an ironic space to inhabit.

    • tryinghard

      Very accurate.

      Also, When your grandson pinches you skin and tells you “Grandma you have fat skin!” and still find that comment endearing! 🙂

    • Tryinghard

      Oh yeah I forgot. When you have front row seats to a John mellencamp concert and you trade seats with a much younger couple farther back because the music is too loud!! Lol forgot about that one:)

      • Doug

        Which when you think about it is sort of ironic since our hearing isn’t as good as it used to be!

        • Gizfield

          I have tickets to the “Final Tour” Motley Crue /Alice Cooper concert for the day after my 56th birthday, lol.

          • Doug

            That will be fun. We’ve seen Motley Crue before and they put on a good show. It’s amazing how many of those old “big hair” bands are still around and touring. Of course, their hair isn’t quite as big anymore!

            • Gizfield

              Lol, Doug, regarding the Big Hair. I saw Motley Crue about 15 years ago, but I am really going to see Alice Cooper mostly. He’s one of my favorite musicians. My friend and I saw him, in the 70s I guess, on the Welcome to My Nightmare tour and it was AWESOME! It is just a complete SHOW. All these classic rockers are getting on up there, like the rest of us, lol. So see them while you can…

            • Doug

              Geesh, what is he…about 70 years old by now? I went to Foreigner, Styx and Don Felder (Eagles) during the summer and one of the founding members of Foreigner, Mick Jones (I think) practically had to be wheeled out on stage.

            • Gizfield

              I checked Wikipedia, Alice is 66. He said he is six years younger than Mick Jaeger, and when Mick retires he will retire six years later, lol.

              I know Mick Mars of MC is in very poor health, poor guy. I think I had heard that about the Foreigner guy as well.

              Alice is a cool guy though, and seems to be in good shape for his age. Per Wikipedia, three adult children, long term marriage. Since 1976, although they separated for a while in the 80s. Christian, recovered alcoholic. Looking forward to the show.

    • Doug

      Linda has an aunt who just turned 95 and her mom had a little party for her last night. In attendance were several of Linda’s aunts who are all over 90, along with her parents who are in their 80s. All I can say is God help us (and everyone we’re in contact with) if we live to be that old. I think we have the run down on every ailment for each of the grumpy aunts who were there.

    • Gizfield

      My oldest aunt is 94, and she is so cool. Very active, still drives, and is a card shark who will annihilate you at games, lol. She has always had poor health and has outlived everyone else. She told me she thought she would die young due to diabetes, heart problems, and has always taken good care of herself.

    • Blue

      You know you are getting older when….uh…forgot what I was going to say. LOL

      • Strengthrequired

        What?…. Lol

        • Strengthrequired

          Ohhh and the repeating of yourself, or is that just because of the affair?

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