We’ve all heard the word “Karma” mentioned before yet it appears that there is a general misunderstanding of the concept.
What is Karma?
Deepak Chopra says this about Karma:
“Karma simply means action. Every action has consequences. Conscious choice making is the most effective way of creating future consequences of Karma. Karma creates the future, but it is also an echo from the past. Karma conditions our soul through memory, desire and imagination. Most people are prisoners of Karma, because it becomes a conditioned reflex and produces predictable outcomes in their lives.”
Basically then, it’s the belief that whatever you do comes back to you. If you do something good, something good will happen to you, and vice versa.
Recently there have been some comments on the blog and in the forum pertaining to the notion of karma. Specifically as it relates to the participants in an affair relationship – that someday, their misdeeds will catch up to them and karma will dish out some bad stuff.
These comments were noticed by one of our readers, “Maya” who sent us an email asking if we could address the subject at some point. She even gave an example of how “karma” hit her husband’s affair partner.
Here is “Maya’s” email to us:
My husband and and I both feel that our story will give so many of your readers faith that Karma does exist and that she can be merciless when dealing with cruel and heartless people like all OP’S whose sole purpose in life is to destroy a married couple’s love, security and their families’ happiness all in the name of selfish entitlement.
Thank you in advance for listening to our story that we hope will give others hope as well in one of their most challenging times of need as they head down their long, yet worthwhile and rewarding road to recovery.
Karma started unleashing her fury in February of this year (exactly 1 year to the month after DUMP DAY occurred in 2012). I coined this term since that’s when the OW officially got dumped by ME because (unbeknownst to her) I took over texting her, IM’ing her, sexting her etc.
So, before our eyes in February of this year via Facebook (FB) the OW herself posts on her 21-year-old kid’s FB page that he has been arrested and put in the county jail and puts a link to the “jail’s inmate search.” So, all my husband and I had to do was click on it and it told us exactly what he had been arrested for and that there was a $100,000 bond on him and the judge denied the 10% bail, so he sat for 2 months in the county jail on his 1st degree Felony charges which he ends up pleading guilty to.
Needless to say, my husband and I both felt that Karma had done her job until she REALLY unleashed her fury on her! Only 3 short months later in July of this year, we couldn’t believe our eyes when her 21-year-old loser kid posts on his FB page that his mom was ARRESTED, kept in jail overnight and that he had to go BAIL HER OUT!
His FB page is “public” so we don’t even have to be his “friend” to read all of the craziness and constant drama that he and his mother are involved in.
He doesn’t say what the she was arrested for but my husband and I find out just a few days later when it gets posted on the police department’s website that she was arrested for “Possession of a Controlled Substance”.
How apropos that she officially pleads guilty on Friday the 13th to a Felony just like her kid. She has also lost both of her jobs.
Statistically, what are the odds that both a mother and her ONLY child become convicted Felons within 7 weeks of each other and in the same year??? If that isn’t Karma dealing ALL BS’s a winning hand we don’t know what is!!
It doesn’t end there though because Karma will be dealing her final blow when my husband, who is 6′ 5″ (so she WILL notice him) and I attend her sentencing hearing together (it is open to the public) and she HAS to watch the 2 of us together as he sits right by my side with his arm around me showing his loyalty and total devotion to his one true love as we watch her receive the final nail in her coffin of Karma.
No one ever truly realizes how therapeutic Karma is until you see it firsthand deal such a swift and deadly blow with such finality and closure especially for us as a couple who has survived the nightmare of an emotional affair! One of the BEST days in our 27 years together will be the WORST day in her life!
So, what are your thoughts on this whole notion of “Karma?” Do you believe it or not?
Do you think that cheaters will someday be dealt a cruel blow by Karma?
Please share any stories where Karma has dealt out her just due – good or bad.
Thanks!
Linda & Doug
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LINESPACE
180 replies to "Discussion – Karma and What Goes Around Comes Around"
Well i will just say, congratulations Maya, karma has handed down her fury on the ow. It’s such a shame though that these people that cause so much harm to another personmor family, trying to ruin another family, that they don’t think about the possibility of it ever throwing back onto their kids or family, they don’t think of anyone but themselves. That’s what is such a shame, because especially in this case the ow son ended up with her bad karma too.
Maybe if people thought more about what can happen to others before they decide that it is worth risking.
Although Maya you have my utmost sympathy in this, but it seems to me that the very big part that your husband played in this extra marital affair appears to have been ignored. He made a choice too. He was the one that made an oath to you and betrayed that oath – what about his Karma? To be honest Maya your husband’s whole dealing with this issue and happily standing back and let you clean up the mess he helped make and let this OW take ALL the responsibility and flack says a lot to me about him. I’m afraid in my eyes ‘winning’ your husband is not really the prize you think it is. I actually think you have both been unfair to this OW by taking so much pleasure out of her misfortune – I would say to you both too ‘What goes around comes around’ be careful!
Arooba Rana
Well said….I couldn’t agree more.
Yes well said! Agree 100%
Arooba Rana, I completely agree. All the onus and blame is on the OW. The wife and HUSBAND will go to the OW’s sentencing, believing they are triumphing over the OW. But, she has already been punished. How can the husband be so proud of his actions?
I think the whole notion of Karma is tricky, especially when talking about affairs.
If we are not careful “Karma” can be viewed as the betrayed spouse “deserves” the bad parts that happened to them because of something they have done previously.
In addition what about repentant cheating spouses that still did a pretty hard thing to their loved one. I view that as a harsh learning lesson that calls for introspection. If we truly view it as Karma it feels like we are asking for the same kind of awful thing to happen to them. If I view that there “Karma” in this though is the lessons they need to learn to get to a place of comfort in their own life it is much easier for me to handle.
Finally what about the individuals who “don’t see” something like what Maya posts for their spouse or the affair partner? Does that mean it was “not that bad?” so they are not entitled to the deep hurt and grief that we all feel in this. My husband who had the affair, left me for my best friend in my adopted town. As far as I know all is well with them three years out.
Am I over it, no way. However if I spent all of my energy trying to track down how “Karma” had invaded their life the only person hurt would be me….because I would be losing my life in the process.
In other words I think Karma is pretty complicated, and if we are not careful it is a stretch elastic band that can snap back on ourselves.
Sorry one more piece.
The action I am responsible for is my own. I am not grateful for the affair, but I am grateful for the action that it forced me to take on myself. I am a more grounded person now that has learned so much about myself and my own inner strength. The affair and the aftermath has taught me so much about learning what is mine and what is not.
I don’t always like the lessons, but I can appreciate the learning. That to me is the essence of what we are talking about….we all have trials in our lives, but we don’t all learn from them. To me that is what is important, and to me more what karma means.
I have lessons to learn in life, and how open am I to learning them. How willing am I to examine them while doing the least harm?
I agree. I have also learnt alot about myself and what I’m actually responsible for in all my relationships.
Karma is really just coincidence. It’s the same as when CS/OPs say that it was ‘karma’ that they met at all – it’s not, it was just coincidence. Nothing more, nothing less.
I don’t personally believe that something bad will happen to the OW simply ‘because’ she had an afair with my husband. I feel that she displayed some profoundly poor decision making and if she doesn’t change that in herself she’ll continue to suffer being treated as a free disposable sex toy by depressed and needy men.
I similarly don’t believe in the other similar phrase of ‘what’s for you won’t go by you’ which just absolves you of any responsibility to make your own opportunities in life.
It might make me feel better for a few moments to see that she’d suffered some bad luck but it would be only a coincidence and not a payback really.
So absolutely well said!
Maybe it’s because I am so far removed from Dday but I wouldn’t bother showing up at her sentencing. Why go? Will it make a difference in the long run or is it just a fresh way of showing that your H has chosen to stay by your side, that you won? I wouldn’t give her the time of day!
We all hope for the worse when it comes to the OW/OM however it seems overkill when you strut your “win” in a court room. Going would also imply that she is still an overriding factor in your life when she should be anything but. Perhaps throwing a “she’s going to jail party” would suffice.
Another thing that struck me as ugly is to find joy in that her son is convicted as a felon. Was he firectly involved in the H affair? I think not. To have karma strike the OW is one thing, but to gloat over that fact that the OW entire family has hit rock bottom is less than victory, in my mind.
I completely agree. What is showing up going to do except show her that she still matters to you. And also, what’s with the husband going? Was he not a party to this affair as well? Who is he to sit back and revel in the downfall of this woman that he willingly hurt his wife and family over? Now he’s going to show up like he’s so much better than OW? Sorry – that’s just petty and really takes any responsibility away from him. He was just as involved as she was.
AND, let’s not forget that this woman didn’t suddenly become a drug dealer with a child that commits felonies. The H here was more than happy to get involved with such a woman but now is going to celebrate her being arrested and (hopefully) convicted?
Seems to me ‘Maya’ is really living in her own fantasy world where she ‘won’ something. She didn’t. She has a husband that cheated, and apparently with a low life. I’m glad she’s happy that they worked it out, but going to this sentencing is, to me, really trashy and is only keeping it all going.
As for karma, my OW had some really bad things happen after DDay – a few deaths, including her mother, and a sister struck with cancer. I’d be damned if I’d bother to show up with my H and watch one of the funerals, which is the equivalent of going to the trial.
Why gloat that your H picked you? In reality, the OW will only think that she is still important, and chuckle that ‘your man’ stepped out with her and the BW is dumb enough to take his cheating ass back and stupid for blaming her completely while sitting there holding his hand. Sadly, she’ll be right.
I can’t really say that I believe in Karma, as such, but just the general principle that “you reap what you sow” eventually. Most affair partners, at least one half of the “couple” have been to the Rodeo before I think and it’s just a general outcome of their morals and lifestyle. So, yes, shit follows them around because of what they are doing. But just as much shit happens to good people, too. The best “Karma” is watching these Road Whores, who think they are so “hot” and superior get old, ugly, and hopefully overweight, since looks are usually ALL they hsve going for them, lol.
I think Karma is coincidence myself. Obviously if people make continuous bad decisions then eventually it will catch up with you. I am no different then any other betrayed spouse, I hate that I live with this pain and the OW lives her life free of pain. In reality do I really know that? No I don’t. She was an unhappy woman cheated on by her own husband so I have to believe she lives in her own hell. As far as the authors story goes….I think it has nothing to do with you and you are just gloating at another persons pain. Really will you go home and finally feel at peace and happy that she has suffered like you? In my opinion that is a little sick. Do I think the other person deserves respect or anything else that is favorable…no I don’t however gloating at another human beings pain is wrong. Aren’t you better then that?
I read this the other day and it fits my view of karma perfectly. “Hell–where you get what you think you want, regardless the cost, then have to live with it.” To me, the live with it is the operative part. I can imagine no better punishment for two cheaters than to be stuck with each other for Eternity, lol.
I believe in Karma. We all reap what we sow to some extent. Sometimes we experience bad Karma because of whom we choose to have relationships. None of us is perfect in all ways otherwise we’d be Mother Theresa. We all have challenges to face personally, that is NOT Karma. In the story this person is obviously a dishonest criminal in many ways and she is paying the price legally now. If you sow Love and true Love Karma will repay you with Love. The challenge is in recognizing that Love and accepting it. Yep bad stuff happens to good people and bad stuff happens to shitty people. Karma is how you react to the bad stuff and when you are truly good you react that way. It’s a battle for your soul while you are here on earth. Just my opinion. There’s a lot of books on Karma and very interesting reading.
I like that way of thinking about karma TH.
I guess alot of us wish to believe in karma, especially if we can get some sort of comfort knowing the person that hurt us eventually gets it back.
We here aren’t about seeking revenge and it would just be nice to believe thatf the high o mighty was the one that dished out the punishment his way.
Someone mentioned then maybe our cs would end up with the bad karma, I think their karma is cleaning up the mess they helped create, and trying not to lose all they have worked for. I think that is their karma.
Our cs who have stayed to work on the marriages, they are here trying to make amends to us for all the hurt they caused, they live with the knowledge each day that they hurt the most important person in their life us. I don’t think our cs need any more punishment, that in it self would be hard to live with.
Strength
Don’t get me wrong, I would love to have my revenge. I fantasize about revenge. But am I going to do it, hell no, wouldn’t give cancer girl the satisfaction
Ohh no Hun, I feel the same as you, revenge how bitter sweet, but I don’t have it in me either.
Maybe because we have a good heart, we looked like we wouldn’t fight for our family.
My h told me one night, if I couldn’t handle what he had done to us and I wanted him to leave he wouldn’t, he was not going to let go of our family because of that, he is going to be by my side whether I like it or not. He said I have to understand that he would prefer to be on his own if he didn’t have me, he will never run to her for comfort again.
There is also a really good karma related episode of The Twilight Zone tv series. It’s a stormy night. A kind, elderly, wealthy man is on his Deathbed. He summons his heirs, who of course are jerks. He makes a condition if their inheritance that they wear some creepy masks until after midnight, then he dies. When they remove the masks, their faces have changed into the masks, which reflect their nasty inner selves. Like a pig, a demon, etc. if only this could happens, lol.
This post has me really thinking.
Have I wanted bad things to happen so they would hurt like I would, especially early on yes. Reading and learning about forgiveness was so important to me (no I have not forgiven yet) but the fact that I learned I did not have to right away and I was entilted to my feelings of hurt, anger and grief was really important to me.
I like that karma is how you react to the bad stuff….in the sense that I am shooting myself in the foot if I don’t learn and grow with the hard stuff. That does not mean I need to “do” it perfectly, it just means I need to be open to learning and progressing.
I am far from perfect, but I have felt very open to learning on this challenging journey.
I’m totally amazed that my husbands GF does not see the correlation between what she does, and how her daughter acts, lol. He said mostly what she talked about was “bitching about her kid and her job.” Well, duh. I said something about her “brat.” He said “how did you know she was a brat?” I met her once, remember? Total brat. Can’t remember how old she was, maybe 6 to 8 years older than my daughter. Goes to psychotherapy at her early age. Goes to Intersession ( remedial school). Apparently staying out and doing god knows what. my husband offered to help this chick pay for a “bootcamp ” for this kid. I dont know where her dad is, here on town I think, ALLEDGEDLY cheated on the mother but shes a known liar so who knows. GF Moved her daughter 3000 miles across the country to pursue her pilot “financee” who dumps her when she tells him she used to be a prostitute. Then dates my damn husband. What part of this doesn’t she understand? WHYYYYYY is this happening, she asks. Really? And my dumass husband tells her what a Wonderful Mother she is. Again, Really????
Karma is just coincidence or maybe not. As far as I know nothing “bad” happened to the OW, but six months after DDay, my husband discovered he had a blocked artery and had a stent put in. Was this karma for what he had done, EA, or simply just coincidence because of his age, stress and bad eating habit. Makes me think!
Well sort of. But I would say it’s more of a fore gone conclusion to not taking care of yourself physically. So it goes to follow that I may get lung disease because I smoke!! That’s not Karma, that’s just my stupidity!
JennyN, thank you for sharing, you are doing so well, and your posts are insightful. No karma bus here, and I must admit, I think mostly karma is just coincidence – but hey – whatever 😉
Wishing ill on the OP is perfectly understandable, it hasn’t happened here, in fact her life got better and better (from the outside looking in) and mine disintegrated, but I think that has an awful lot to do with attitude, she wasn’t very hurt, and I was devastated and am taking years to crawl out of the pit, whereas she just carries on, she didn’t LET it hurt her, because she is a hard person, and I am not. I don’t think something catastrophic happening to her will help me one iota. Of course, it seems like it would be nice, for me, initially, your gut reaction, but really, how does it REALLY affect me? Not at all, she is no part of my life anymore. She has a young son, he needs his mother to be as stable as possible, it is not his fault his mother is a bitch (LOL.) So, I like to live and let live, as I always have. I do believe eventually, just by the choices you make, you do tend to reap what you sow, but counting on the universe to even the score doesn’t achieve anything positive.
Personally I don’t believe in karma. I believe in God. I believe in his grace, his mercy and his judgement. It’s what has allowed me to forgive my husband and try to move forward. The ow believes she is in the right. She sees herself as the victim. She sees me and my children as undeserving of our husband and father. She has never sought my forgiveness and I seriously doubt she has sought God’s forgiveness either. i try not to wish her ill, but I believe that God will deal harshly with her if she does not repent of her sins and seek his forgiveness. However I would lying if I said I care one bit about her. If I read that she was run over by herd of rabid elephants I don’t think I would lose a minutes sleep. I’m not proud of that, but there it is. She continues to stalk and harass me and my older children so it is hard to work up any amount of forgiving attitude towards her. Two years past no contact and she cannot let this go. That tells me she is miserable in her life. I think she is getting what she deserves.
Eg, lol, wouldn’t you think if a herd of rapid elephants ran over her, how bizaar for that to happen? Lol
God will definately have his last say on judgement day.
I too dont wish ill on my h ow, but I won’t lose sleep on her either if “karma” “gods punishment” came her way, but I doubt I would hear about it, so really what’s the point.
I would just like my h ow, learn and understand that what she did was wrong, she hurt my children and me and tried to destroy a family. All because she felt she deserved it, maybe one day she will understand what she did wrong, and maybe then she will be remorseful, yet I doubt it.
Amen my friend. I couldn’t agree more. I hope she learns from what she did but I seriously doubt it. My husband wasn’t her first rodeo. She is remorseless and doesn’t care who she hurts. She callously told my husband there are millions of kids in this country in divorced homes and they are just fine. Kids adapt and do great. WTH? What does she know about kids?? She just felt she deserved him and should get what she wanted. I pray that she never does this to another family. This has been very damaging to my kids and our family.
My h ow, wanted my kids to be without me, should would raise my kids for him and with him. How noble of hermto save my h and to save my kids from a shit wife and mother. Now she believes she is a saint indeed.
Ahhh yes. We are not only bad wives, we are bad mothers. Pathetic, isn’t it? The pack of lies these whores tell themselves to justify stealing a husband and father and destroying a family? They actually believe they are doing something right!
Eg, I won’t ever forget the first time I saw her after dday at my h work. I said with anger what is that doing here? I should have just kissed him in front of her, ohh well.
Anyway, shebjust looked at her phone head down, couldn’t even look at me.
My h later told me because that when I left, ( because he had asked me nicely, another idiot move) that she said to him ” ohhh so now I’m a that, what happened to being family?”
Omg, she actually had no idea. I think She thought she was saving me too from my apparently loveless marriage, she was actually shocked at what I had said.
She was lucky that was alll I did. Little did I know that my h although moved back home before this chance encounter with her, that he was still deep into the “fog”
Ohh and do you know where this gods gift to everyone,( my h and her children) the best mother in the world? They were outside in her car waiting for her. She was just sitting there at the dining table with him for god knows how long while they waited for her to finish woeing my h.
Yet I’m the bad mother. Pft….
I don’t believe in karma. I would just like her to feel my pain. She was a stay-at-home mom with two kids. she pursued my h and walked out on hers without telling the truth. My h never wanted kids. If they live happily ever after it will kill me. I will be left with nothing. and she has all she wants. my h will see it as being with him was more important than anything or anyone else. something he says I never did. but I know it is about how he makes her feel about herself. she is incredibly needy with low self esteem. I pray that in the long term he tires of her emptiness. and I hope that someday I will find someone who will be a real life partner and appreciate me. I am a better person than the ow. If there is karma, I should be due for something good after 2 years in hell.
That’s why my h fell for her so hard, becausemshe was needy and told him all of hernsob stories and how she needed him to save her. What a joke.
Your a good woman, you deserve a good man that will treat you wonderful. You are deserving of a great man who only has eyes for you and no one else for the rest ofmboth your lives.
You deserve happiness and a wonderful true love.
We would first like to thank Doug & Linda for giving my H and I the chance to tell our story that we really hoped would give others like ourselves the faith that what goes around does eventually come back around to the not so very nice OW. I would also like to respond to many of your comments and thoughts. Tomorrow my H is going to post some of his own thoughts as well and is open to answering questions to the BS from a CS perspective. His screen name is Mayas hubby. We both sincerely appreciate your input and guidance and are honored to be a part of such a wonderful and caring group of people even if we are sadly all here because of a marital transgression.
Strength: Thank you for your kind words of support in that we had nothing whatsoever to do with Karma handing down her fury on the OW. What happened to her son though was just pure out neglect on her part since she has always been self-centered, selfish and used her own innocent child to “snag” herself a husband. Every child born into this world is innocent and will model themselves after their parent(s). She was so desperate & stupid (at age 28) and so excited that she was “stealing” someone else’s husband (who was still married when she got herself pregnant by “accident” while he was cheating with her on his wife surprise surprise) and an innocent child’s father not to mention breaking up a family just so that she could be his 3rd wife and his 4th baby mama. He was also a lifelong alcoholic and died at 50 from alcoholism. No wonder they never had any money because he was having his wages garnished to support at least 4 children and he was only 32 yrs old. What a “prize” she scored Lol!
Chiffchaff: Unfortunately this was not a chance meeting in this case since the OW was my H ex gf from hs and she dumped him! 30 years later though she thinks that she can just waltz right back into his life like I and our children don’t even exist and reconnect with him on that damn FB with the premise of “we should chat & catch up on what’s been going on in our lives so let’s meet up in person” My H told her that he was not interested and that he was married with 2 children but she said “so what if you’re married I’m living with someone so you can do whatever you want to do just like I can”. It’s quite apparent that she definitely had and has never had any “BOUNDARIES” especially when it came to mine & my husband’s marriage. So, we really don’t believe that all of these bad things happened to her because she tried to have an affair with my husband but because she consistently displayed profoundly poor decision making skills her entire life and after 51 years it has finally caught up with her.
Battleborn: Yes, irrefutably it will make a HUGE difference in mine & my H’s life to be at her sentencing since it will give us both final & complete closure for us as a couple to see her total implosion in person since we will also be celebrating our 25th year of marriage this month. We have always believed that everything happens for a reason and that and other philosophies have helped us immensely during our healing process. As for “winning” there was never any competition except in her delusional mind since there was never any chance in this world that I would “lose”. She is NOT and has NEVER been an overriding factor in our life since we were already past her but when her kid blabbed on FB that she got arrested and he was already a convicted Felon it just confirmed that the “apple never falls far from the tree” and that’s where he learned to be a criminal as well. She was just a much more experienced criminal so it just took longer for her to trip herself up. What you don’t know is that when she was arrested with her long-term bf that she was living with (while actively persuing my H) was driving with NO license, a stolen license plate, an unregistered vehicle, an uninsured vehicle, drugs in his vehicle and several outstanding warrants and then her with her “Possession of a controlled substance”. My H and I are not “gloating” as you stated that an entire family has gone down since the OW is the one and only person that did that feat single handedly. We were only stating how incredulous that the OW took her & her son down the same road within 7 weeks which is incomprehensible to those of us that love and wanted our children along with guiding them to be loving and successful adults in addition to respecting and protecting the institution of family.
Gizfield: Thank you as ALWAYS for saying EXACTLY what I am thinking and for ALWAYS giving me the best laugh of the day since you ALWAYS lay it right on the line!! You are SO right in that this was definitely NOT her first rodeo and certainly not the 1st time NOR the last time that she has been “rode hard & put up wet”. It was just NOT by my H since I was PERSONALLY there at THE MEETING that she kept whining for him to agree to do which I will elaborate more in another post. I am POSITIVE that you will enjoy it thoroughly! You are so right that these Road Whores do think they are “hot as shit” and “superior” but she was NEVER any competition for me since she couldn’t even graduate from the remedial high school and still uses the wrong form of their/there, our/are, whether/weather, too, to & two etc and I graduated from a Big Ten university which ALWAYS bugged the shit out of her since she has ALWAYS been a TOTAL failure in life! She has ALWAYS been so jealous of me and hated the fact that I consistently made over $100,000 a year and she was lucky to make $25,000 a year. It’s unfortunate those are the ones that have no qualms about slamming those of us that keep our noses to the grindstone and NEVER try & take something that we didn’t earn on our own or that does not belong to us!
Broken 2: Thank you for your opinion but my H and I are not “gloating” at another OW’s pain which she brought on herself by “possessing controlled substances with no prescription” which is a Felony but since she was so “smart” she should have known that. Yes, my H and I will leave that courtroom feeling at peace that someone who has destroyed everything and anyone she has touched in her 51 years but who will NEVER suffer like I, my H and our 2 children have suffered all due to her obnoxious sense of self entitlement. It’s unfortunate that you think that we are being “sick” when she is the one that has done all of this to herself and her innocent child and yes my H and I are better than that because we have NEVER and WOULD NEVER do any of the things that she has done to all of the innocent family’s and their children’s lives that she has so heartlessly destroyed all in the name of selfishness. It really was as simple as finding a “single man” not her constant MO of “married men are hers for the taking” motto that she has ALWAYS lived by!
Tryinghard: We believe in Karma as well and that you do reap what you sow or garbage in/ garbage out. You are so right that she has always been a user, a master manipulator especially (even to this day) with her parents and a dishonest criminal who unfortunately her not very nice & dishonest ways have finally caught up with her. The most heartbreaking thing about all of this is that she took her ONLY child down with her as well.
Strength: You couldn’t be more spot on if you tried! Karma for us is that my H and I had absolutely nothing to do with the hurt/discomfort that the WHORE is going through since she brought it all on herself. I agree wholeheartedly with you that my H’s Karma is that he has been working diligently for the past 18 months in cleaning up the mess he involved himself, looking into the devastated eyes of his beloved wife everyday who by the way I had a bout with Cancer while the WHORE was badmouthing me and selfishly trying to steal the love of my life and the father of our 2 children away. He has lovingly been by my side even as mean & hurtful as I have been to him on so many occasions all while proving day in and day out that he IS the man that I fell in love with, he IS the man that I married and gave my heart too along with being right by my side to deliver both of our beautiful babies and with tears of joy streaming down his face as he held those precious babies for the 1st time. Thank you kindly for your words of wisdom as you truly deserve all the love that life has to offer.
Gizfield: My hubby and I have ALWAYS loved your term of Road Whore so we can only wonder what a “Road Whore” face looks like BUT I think we all can imagine since especially if we have ever had an OW invade our marriages Lol! Also, our WHORE always bitched about her kid (always being in legal trouble) but she was obviously too stupid to fathom that was because of her total lack of parental involvement and letting him do whatever the fu##ck he wanted to do and how she wanted to “quit” both of her dead end jobs because she was “tired” of working (hey who in this world isn’t tired of working) and have my H take care of her and move into OUR home AFTER she got him to divorce me. She kept asking when he was going to leave me and she even said that I would probably have to pay him alimony since I made twice as much as him! Hmmmmmmm…………can we all say in unison what a lying, cheating skanky ass manipulative & delusional TrailerWhore she is and always will be!
Maya, thank you too. My h roadwhore lol, well she believed she was the one my h wanted ever since he was young. She thought she had the right to him, and even used her family to help her, with her twisted plan of ridding me from his life.
She was planning on taking over my life, she expected me to up and leave my h when I found out about them. When that didn’t work she kept trying different tactics to have me leave.
She used her children too, she even told my h that she would raise my 6 children with him, along with her 3 children plus any children they have together, which she had already planned on having.
She would badmouth me about me having so many children, yet all she thought of was ridding me from my family.
I wonder how someone can be so hateful to someone they don’t know, but I do know it was just out of jealousy, she wanted my life yet she had a marriage that she would tell people was not a marriage made of love.
She felt her chance of happiness was with my h, the only thing in the way was me.
She manipulated a good man, my h into believing the worse of his wife, she would blame him for not rescuing her from her marriage, so what did he do, blamed himself too. Like it was his responsibility, so he promised her that he would help her. So she kept using his promise as a way of keeping him in her life.
It upsets me that the ow influences her daughter not by teaching her to respect others and to respect other people’s marriages, and to only go for men that are available, instead she showed her daughter that it doesn’t matter if the man you want is married or not, it doesn’t matter who is in your way, who you hurt, just go after what you want.
She used her children to call my h when he wouldn’t contact her, she would even use her children to call me and spread rumors about her and my h.
People like this, I’m not sure ever have a kind bone in their body, they are only after what they can get whether they love the op or not. It becomes like a game.
I would often say to the ow by text message, please do the right thing and leave my h alone, show your daughter the right way of getting a man, show her that attached men are off limits. I’m sure you would not like this to to one day fall back onto your daughter when she is married and another woman tries to break her marriage and ruin her children’s lives, if that happens you have no one else to blame but yourself, so remember that if your daughter gets hurt by some trash of a woman wanting her h.
Let me just say, this ow had no morals, no care at all. Not for her children either. She only wanted to have someone help her with her children, her designer clothing, cigarettes and of course my children because if they had my children there would be no money being given out to me from my h if we divorced, because it would all be in her hot little hand.
She continued her chase of my h, up until “apparently” feb this year, yet still sent him pics of her in April.
I wish you all the happiness in the world too Maya, no one deserves such hateful ow/om in our lives, but that’s what we ended up with.
I’m happy to see another bs and cs has been strong enough to fight and keep their family together, regardless of the senseless act of someone who was full of jealousy and envy.
Why, thank you Maya, for your nice comments. I believe that the more honest you can be with yourself the better it is for you. and if you want honest feedback on sites like this, you have to be willing to be open to criticism as well.
The Road Whore thing has always cracked me up, but I didnt come up with it. My husband has a friend who is a Perpetual Teenager and dates the crack head, sleazy types who are always getting arrested, fighting, etc. so somehow they came up with the Road Whore description, lol. I just picture then as a chick like you would see on Cops or Intervention. Always in the road…
Maya, like you, I graduated from a large school, SEC conference, with High Honors, while the Road Whore was lucky to graduate high school. I had a nice house when I met my hub, she chases after anything with pants and lives on her brother’s couch. And tells me , “it sucks to be you.” Lol, what a delusional slut. There is nothing superior about her, at all. All cause my husband is a dumass.
Ha, sucks to be you, my goodness I think it’s the other way round giz, lol. It sucks to be her. Who wants to live a life wearing a price tag that reads ” cheap ” “on sale” “marked down due to damage/faults”.
Maya I appreciate your feelings I really do and I appreciate your need to see the OW suffer but I don’t agree with it. Unfortunately it is gloating. If the OW were on trial and going to jail for let’s say for example adultery that actually had something to do with you and your husband then yes by all means going to the trial would be acceptable. However you are going for one reason only, to view the suffering of another person and shove it in her face that you “have won”. To me…..that serves no purpose and if that is what will make you happy as a couple then something is not right. Now don’t get me wrong I hate the OW in my husband’s affair and yes of course I have fantasized about her life being miserable and he hurting as bad as she hurt me but the bottom line is….it is your husband (and mine) that had the affair. They are the ones that inflicted the pain and suffering on us. They made the choice to involve themselves with these sick and needy women. Responsibility for the affair remains solely on the shoulders of your husband no matter how nuts or sick or manipulative the OW is or was. He did it. Your married to him not the OW so to me purposely watching her suffer doesn’t make what HE did right nor will it take away the pain and suffering he caused you. Let me ask you this? After the two of you sit in that courtroom holding hands and making sure she sees you together, will you really leave there a happy, healthy couple??? I think not and I think whatever it is that makes you think gloating will help your relationship is sick. It’s like watching someone who has murdered a love one be executed….is that going to bring the person back to life. Just my opinion. I believe your hurt and your pain are no different then anyone else’s here on this site. We all have horrible stories of devastation of our very souls caused by our spouses. I believe not one of us hasn’t wished the OW/OM ill will and I hate my husbands affair partner as much as the next person but bottom line is he cheated on me, he is married to me not her. Your pain comes from his choices and gloating at her is wrong.
The best way to show that you are happy, that you have moved on, that you have healed, that a whore has no impact on your life…….is to do exactly that. Live your life. My husbands AP would love it if we showed up at something. It would send a loud message that she still has power and control in our lives. That she matters enough that we would drop everything to attend her freak show. It’s not healthy.
I understand wanting the OW suffer so that there may be some feeling of “fairness” for the pain she was part of inflicting on you. I have viewed the OW FB page and hoped to see some post of her life being worse, but alas she is a blushing bride with some other poor fool. At least she is distracted and no longer tries to interject herself into our life.
I also have to realize that the pain I would like to inflict on her is a combination of my disgust for her as a person and the act that my H committed. I can’t hate my H so all of the anger and related emotions are transferred to her when I briefly allow a thought of revenge to enter my mind. I recognize my condemnation of her as a person easy while I hate the behavior of my H and not him as a person. This realization is my barometer that there is so much pain that goes with a PA that my 18 mos. past DD is a good start but there are still plenty of emotions I have to process.
So, I feel that Karma is a description we use when it fits when something we see fit happens to someone, good or bad. I have also said to myself that all of the unkind acts I have committed since being a toddler have been “paid” for after my H’s affair. My checkbook is balanced if Karma is keeping track.
I agree that going to the courtroom would show she still had more influence in your life than she deserves and you have nothing to prove to her. It could also bring up painful things that won’t be productive.
Good luck to all
So true Sierrac. I know that’s what’s going on with me. I’m transferring the anger I have towards my H for his many lies and many bad choices onto her. So even though I know this and am trying to rid myself of the anger I still fantasize about revenge:/. I just hope I don’t get bad Karma for my evil thoughts:)
Maya
I do not judge you for wanting to go to the trial as a way of putting the final nail in the coffin. I hope by doing this it will indeed do that for you two. Maybe it will, but maybe it won’t. What works for one couple may not be what’s right for another. I’m not here to judge. I know all the literature et al says we should ignore the OP, don’t give them power etc. I believe that too, but if you two need to do this as a couple then more power to you. I don’t think it’s going to have the desired effect on the OW though. She sounds like a low class pathetic loser. Those people don’t have a conscience. The world is always screwing them over. The do not or cannot take responsibility for their own actions because they never have. Prisons are full of these people. They truly are the scum of society who belong in jail. Of course she had an affair with your husband because she obviously has a long history of being a loser and making loser decisions. She is NOT important to your healing. If it hadn’t been her it could have just as easily been someone else. I do understand your feelings for wanting to see this trial and her impending incarceration take place. Trust me my dark side, and we ALL have that side, would love to be there as the OW takes her last cancerous breath. I would love for the last words she would hear would be words from me telling her that the world will now be a better place without her in it!!! But when I think that that is what I would actually do, I get shivers down my spine and pray for God to show her to me in a different light. NOT for her sake, but for mine. I really hope this works for you and I hope you will tell us once it’s over. Good Luck to both of you.
I just don’t know about Karma. I have talked with the OW and she was kind enough to answer questions that my husband could or would not. She helped me see that my husband wasn’t looking for an affair just that their friendship went over the line. She was using him to make her feel better about her cheating husband and he was using her to make himself feel better about himself. Yes I get angry at them both for the pain they have caused but I truly don’t want anything bad to happen to her. I just want her to leave my husband alone and to avoid all contact with him forever. I actually pray that she find happiness in life, just not with my husband. With all this pain I can’t carry all that hatred and anger too.Truth be told, I am way more angry at my husband because he is the one that promised to care for me. She owed me nothing but was woman enough to take it when I called her out. She never said it was anyone’s fault but theirs. As with so much on this journey, it could all be Bullshit but sometimes you just have to have faith that people can do the right thing.
Thank you to everyone who responded with kind & positive support especially Gizfield, Strength, Chiffchaff, Tryinghard, Exercise Grace & Disappointed. I would like to clarify a couple of things to a few others who may have inadvertently misunderstood some of the pertinent details from our original story.
1. The Whore IS my H’s ex-gf from high school (not a stranger) who actually dumped him 30 years ago. Very soon after her divorce from her alcoholic husband whose 2nd marriage she broke up by cheating with him & getting pregnant, she seeks out my H on FB (Facebook) because (in her own words that I was personally able to read) she had no money and was struggling financially. I’m not sure who died and made her think we were her personal ATM except that my H ALWAYS had money when they dated 30 years earlier so in her delusional mind of a Whore he would be an easy & gullible TARGET for her to go after with a vengeance & try to make him think that his wife who made $100K a year was “obviously” very busy and didn’t have “time” for him but that she would “always” have time for him. Gag!!! She knew of my income amount by Googling my name and because of the profession I am in.
2. Their “friendship” as she called it was NEVER a PA & NEVER a EA since the only thing that would semi qualify it as anything at all was for several months I was unaware that they were “talking” via text, IM & email. My H even got me his actual phone records so that I could see with my own eyes WHO the #1 instigator was and it sure as heck was not my H! Surprise, surprise it was the WHORE!!
3. The short (15-20 minute) court proceeding that my H & I will be attending together is NOT a trial NOR is it a hearing. The judge is ONLY handing down THE sentence to the FELONY conviction that the Whore herself has already pled GUILTY to which is “Possession of a controlled Substance” which is a very serious DRUG crime. The courtroom is huge in size so we will NOT be sitting anywhere near her and it will be packed since they typically do 40-50 sentencing’s there every week on sentencing day.
4. SHE LIED on 2 taped video confessions to the police when she told 2 TOTALLY DIFFERENT stories as to how she came to have her 21 yr old son’s “Controlled Substance” medication in her possession. Not surprisingly her son told police a 3rd story not even similar to her 2 stories. She also put her confession in writing and ONLY asked for an attorney once the police confronted her with LYING to them! Since she had somehow “lost” her 2 part-time jobs (coincidentally 1 of the jobs she “lost” she had access to THEIR drug cabinet) the police were justifiably concerned that the pills (that SHE admitted to police SHE herself had wrapped up) were “WRAPPED IN PLASTIC” in a very “SPECIFIC” way as detailed in the public record police report. SHE herself told police that she DID NOT and NEVER HAS had a legal prescription for that medication and that she NEVER HAS had a medicinal need for them. She was also adamant with the police in several interviews that she did NOT have a drug addiction problem with this specific Controlled Substance. Hmmmmmmm…. then what in the world was she doing with her 21 yr old son’s prescription pills all “NEATLY WRAPPED UP”, in a TOTALLY different county, an hour away from where she lives? Why is it that the Whores of the world always think they are so much smarter and so much more special than everyone else in this world! Oh that’s right, it’s their never ending sense of entitlement! Obviously, the police had their case as “NEATLY WRAPPED UP” as she did her son’s pills but since the Whore couldn’t lie her way out of this one SO SHE pled GUILTY to a FELONY DRUG CONVICTION!
5. My H and I discussed at length about attending the SENTENCING proceeding and we BOTH feel empowered by being there and showing a united front since she thinks her drug conviction is a “BIG SECRET”. We also wholeheartedly agree that it will definitely be a positive healing experience in restoring trust along with closure for BOTH of us to see this despicable excuse for a human being, who has done so MANY horribly cruel things to so many people and their innocent families in her 51 years, be sentenced for committing a DRUG crime! To the minority who seem to think that we are gloating, are sick or wish something bad on her merely because she was “friends” (in HER own words) with my H would seriously be a travesty. We would definitely be empathetic to your thoughts IF this was a murder, death of a child, drunk driving death or some other horrific thing that occurred TO the Whore but it’s NOT! It is a DRUG crime that SHE and ONLY SHE perpetuated on herself and it’s up to the judge’s discretion (not my H and I) to hand down a fair and equitable sentence to a self-confessed convicted Drug Felon. Seriously, I don’t know of 1 SANE person in this world who would ever feel sorry for a DRUG FELON!!!!
If your H didn’t have a PA or EA, I’m honestly confused as to why your story is on this site. You are a woman that had her husband hit on, and then he hid his relationship with he, so he was definitely hiding something. I don’t know why you are so vengeful against this woman since your H did nothing and there was no affair. Fine, I can see you not liking her, but I actually think you’re lying to yourself about the nature of their relationship. For you to want to see the culmination of her life by going to a sentencing for her, you have some reason to continue to follow this woman’s life and downfalls. A year later? And there was no affair? I’m sorry but something seems so very off about all of this.
If it wasn’t an affair why was your H hiding it? And why are you so filled with hatred against someone that failed at a relationship with your H? I understand obviously not liking her and wanting your H to stay away, but all of this? For over a year? Something really doesn’t smell right.
Also, you were certainly laughing in the beginning about her son, and now that’s changed to feeling sorry for him. If she is that bad then he should get nothing but sympathy for being raised by such a woman.
I agree, going to that sentencing is gloating. Even the way you wrote it – with your H holding the hand of the love of his life, shows you want to rub her nose in your relationship. Well, if your H hadn’t hidden what was happening between them for months, you wouldn’t be so angry. So again, why is he just sitting back while you continue to act this way over his hidden relationship? He was a party to whatever went on between the two of them, and yet you want to wave your relationship in her face. If there was no affair, then it all seems petty. If there was, it is only adding to her ‘victory’ of driving a wedge between the two of you. Your presence will only show she still matters to the two of you.
My first though when I read your post. Why in the world would you waste so much time and engery on this woman and her miserable life. You have given her way too much power.
Maya I am sorry you only want to here positive comments that agree with your stance and you are entitled to your opinion but you are gloating. No matter how you want to spin what she did, what she didn’t do, what your husband did or didn’t do you are attending a SENTENCING to watch another person fall. That is gloating and if you get satisfaction from it then that is your business but I still feel it’s weird. You seem mighty angry at this woman for “not having an affair” with your husband. I mean really why do you care then about what happens to her????? I never suggested you feel sorry for anyone not even a DRUG FELON…I merely suggested that watching another person fail will neither bring you happiness nor a better marriage. I know that many people like to gloat at a defendant because courtrooms and death chambers are filled to capacity. In life people disagree with each other…I disagree with you. You are gloating at another human beings pain…pure and simple.
Maya, I’m not really sure why some people are so defensive of the Other Woman. I personally feel that a chick who is knowingly dated my damn husband, and then acted a turd afterward, HAS done something to ME. this skank had no regard for anyone except herself. I feel that if you think this is a good thing for you and your husband, it’s a good thing. You did nothing to her, so enjoy the shit she brought on HERSELF.
I guess when the Other Woman was calling me a C#@t, and a fat bitch, and lazy, and insecure, and all the Other assorted shit I dont know about she wasn’t “gloating” to make herself feel better about her own pathetic life. If the tables were turned, you can bet these skanks would be out in full force, tweeting to their friends, and posting on facebook, lol. They loved to see us run into the ground. Should I be a “better person?” I didnt do anything to her so I’m already a better person. But as far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t really matter. I’m not in the good person competition today.
Maya, if this brings you and your h closure then follow your heart. I can’t think of a better way for your h to hear the ugly truth about this ow, if that didn’t have him stop and think next time she contacts him for “help” then nothing will. You don’t owe her a thing. If only I could be so lucky, I still think my h will ” help ” his ow if she ends up contacting him again. He feels too guilty about her poor sorry life she lived while married to her h, who she separated from before trying to get her grubby hands on my h, because the same ” ohhh how m I going to live, look after my children, where will I live, I need help, blah blah blah. “. Yes she took from my family, from my children’s mouths, their needs, their father so she could take what she felt she was entitled to. She even wanted my h to treat her kids the same as he treated his own. It makes me sick how low they go. All the power to you I say Maya.
Giz, come on Hun, don’t you want to be in the good person competition with me today, lol.
Ohh you got called the same things as me, lol. I’m sure if the shoe was on the other foot, they wouldn’t have been so nice to us. I have been thinking about all the lies and crap that came out of my h mouth for his road scum and honestly I feel like such an idiot for staying, I should have let her have him while he was acting in such a selfish way. Yet while he was in a “saving her” I was in “saving him from the skank “mode.
Makes me sick…..
Giz…read my post…Never was I advocating defending the OW. Never did I say that. I said watching another person fall is gloating and I don’t believe in Karma…I believe in coincidence and the fact that if we continue to make mistakes it will eventually come back and hurt us…that’s not Karma…it is bad decision making. Of course I hate the OW and of course I have wished in my head that her life be horrible BUT I would never go watch her fall. That isn’t defending her but think what you want.
So pony up with Karma if that’s what you believe but I don’t and gloating is gloating.
Sorry Broken2, but I do not agree with you and you probably shouldn’t care if I do but here goes.
I guess maybe I need to look up the true definition of gloating in the dictionary.
This is a public sentencing and these people won’t even have a chance to say anything. She probably won’t even see them in the courtroom so I guess I just don’t understand the harsh judgement on your part. You know as well as I that there are predators in this world and what exempts this other woman from being one in your eyes? I’m not even saying that ALL OW are predators, but this one certainly sounds like one.
Maybe Mr. Maya is/was a no back boned, fool for allowing himself to be manipulated by someone as despicable low life, but that is not the point of her post. Maybe also Mr. Maya has taken some “calcium and smart pills” to build that backbone and birdbrain of his and they are both growing and learning from this bad experience. It sounds like these folks have done the work to restore their lives/marriage/selves. I see them going to this sentencing as a symbolic act that they both feel is putting the final nail in the proverbial coffin of their own personal hell.
I don’t know. I’m kind of comparing it to people who go to executions of prisoners who have killed their loved ones. I don’t know if I personally could do it, but I am not them and if it brings them peace, I say, go for it.
I apologize that I misinterpreted your comments, Broken 2, cause that was not my intention. I personally don’t believe in karma myself either. This lady’s downfall started a looong time ago, way before this hearing. I personally know lots of people exactly like her. They usually have pretty sad stories if you go back through their lives that resulted in them being how they are. Would I go to this if it were my husband’s girlfriend ? No, cause I wouldn’t want to waste my vacation on it ? Thats my gold standard. And I wouldn’t want my husband to go cause I guarantee he would feel sorry for her. Ugh. He always wants to be the knight in shining armor. I just think we all have to deal with these situations as we best see fit. This lady was dealing drugs, endangering the lives if others, probably including children for profit. Who is or is not at her hearing, trial, or whatever it is is irrelevant in my opinion. Her downfall is already complete.
Trying….whatever it takes for them to heal…I just don’t agree and absolutely you have the right to agree!!! People live in their own self made hell and people make decisions that positively affect their lives or ill affect their lives some magic Karma cloud did not fall from above to make it happen. If it makes them happy to watch her fall then so be it…I personally would not derive any satisfaction from it nor would my marriage be miraculously better for watching it.
It takes a lot more then that. Giz her downfall did happen a long time ago and people like that generally don’t care anyways.
Broken2
Now THAT I agree with. I’m sure if she were to see them she would be proud of herself. I wouldn’t want to give her that satisfaction. I don’t care if it’s called Karma, Just Desserts, Reap What You Sow, Mother Nature, or just plain old fashioned Comeuppance (haha my grandmothers word!). You know if you drink and drive, eventually you will get caught. It is scientifically proven that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. This is the case especially for bad behavior. I refuse to believe that folks who make immoral choices get off scot free. No way, no how, someway they will pay. I also don’t believe God punishes these people either, they do it to themselves. Just my take 🙂
Well Giz & Tryinghard thank you once more for truly being there, truly being supportive and truly understanding what I have written in addition to comprehending the true purpose of an invaluable site like EAJ! Linda & Doug have so graciously provided us with so many highly educational and invaluable tools on this fabulous website. I believe that I can speak for thousands of us how appreciative we are to have a safe haven to go to in what can be and is often a very confusing & overwhelming time in our lives. Thank you again! Maya
Maya,
That’s for sure Maya and while we are all in the same boat we all have different ways of steering through our journey. Far be it from me to judge someone else’s way. I hope you will PLEASE come back and fill us in after the sentencing. I want to see if it REALLY represented the closure you needed.
You are very welcome, Maya. Truthfully, I dont think there is a concrete right or wrong in the majority of these situations, each person has to decide for themselves. And my decision today might be different from my decision tomorrow. You can’t really say til you are in the situation, in my opinion. Which is subject to change, without warning, lol.
Boy Giz isn’t that the truth. And that is our prerogative, to change our damn minds if and when we feel like it!
You know today I really think building a replica of the OW in my back yard, soaking it in cow piss, and lighting it on fire as Venus is entering Jupiter while the whole time praying to the sacred god of Mac Trucks that run down slimeballs in the middle of the night, is really going to make me feel better and heal my marriage!!! NAAA I think I’ll just have a glass of wine. Love all you guys 🙂
You know Maya just because people disagree with you does not mean they don’t truly understand or comprehend what you say. Part of writing a blog is being open to the fact that not everyone will agree with you. Like me. By the way disagreeing with you does not make me less appreciative of Doug and Linda and all that they do here. I have been a part of this website since before it went private so there aren’t to many people here that don’t know my story or that I don’t know theirs. Come on lets not confuse the issue with anything else…I just don’t agree with you and I don’t believe in Karma and I think watching someone fall is gloating…you don’t have to agree…I really don’t give a shit.
Tryinghard & Giz, I will be posting something here that I am fine tuning right now that will explain MANY, MANY things AND that I believe both of you and MANY others on EAJ will appreciate immensely given the tenacity of ALL of us BS’s. I personally treasure this quote by Cayla Mills since I believe that it is truly applicable to all of us on EAJ. “You never know how strong you are… until being strong is the only choice you have.” I have adopted this as my motto & I remind myself of it every single day : )
If your husband didn’t have an EA or a PA, how are you a BS?
Maybe it’s me, but I also find you speaking to only a select group of commenters – the ones that are cheering you on – as being unhealthy and really in opposition of your calls of ‘all of us’. I agree that the quote is a great one, for anyone – BS or not. Thanks for reposting it – it’s a great reminder to us all.
Lol, TH, you are too funny. I know the OW made a big deal of the fact that I was over 50, and that she was 10 years younger. Very mature, right? Oh well, unless she dies she’ll be 50 one day. I would like to take out a billboard or something that says “nifty, nifty, (her name) look who’s fifty” then her photo with “there’s no whore like an OLD whore”. It won’t happen but I’d sure love it!
Oh yeah, same here. She really thought she was something because she was 8 years younger than me BUT trust me she was rode hard and put away wet!!! LOL She looks 15 years older than me and unless I get hit by a misguided Mac Truck she is going before me and won’t live to see my age. Sucks to be her 🙂
Yippee!!! I learned how to block the ex on my phone. So tired hearing how wonderful he is.
PEACE at last!!!
OK Rachel that made me laugh right out loud because I can just picture your little self jumping up and down with your newly discovered techie skills!!! Now you need to figure out how when he does call you it answers saying “eff you, eff you, eff you, eff you” Maybe you could invent an app for that!!! I think you can block his texts as well right?
Rachel, you deserve that PEACE!! You freaking well earned it. Many blessings to you in the future. 🙂
Yay Rachel, I agree you deserve the peace, and heaps more of it.
I have been thinking about something here, but do any of you honestly think that the ow was not gloating while she tried to break our marriages, our families, make us into this horrible wife and mother. My h ow, did this to me out of envy, out of want of a better life, jealousy and out of hate for me. She sat back and watched me fall time and time again, all because she felt she was deserving of my life, my family, my place as a wife with my h. I didn’t matter to her if I loved my h and she didn’t, it was all out of need, her needs, and stuff anyone else’s needs even my children needs.
My h ow has done so much, just like alot of the ow you all have had to deal with. They were throwing the affair in our faces, their so called “love” in our faces for our h.
These ow didn’t give two hoots about us, so why should we care what happens to someone that hurt us so much, especially when we did nothing to this person to begin with.
I could have died and she would have walked over my grave just to get to my h, she probably would have even stomped and spat on it on the way over, so how does she deserve my good will towards her.
I sit here thinking how much I hate this ow, and yes she gets the brunt of all my anger, as if she didn’t I wouldn’t be here with my h now, wanting to save my marriage. Yes it took two to tango, yet my h was easily manipulated in his fragile state, she knew it and played with it to her advantage.
My h like many others here, like to be this knight in shining armour, which is another way the ow plays on their emotions, by playing the woe poor me card.
Well I’m sorry, I don’t wish her ill, but if she was to fall flat on her ass in font of me, I wouldn’t give her a helping hand up. She kept kicking me while I was down, she made a game of it. Not just having her kick me when I was down, but by having others help her.
Now if there was a chance that all these bad things came out about my h ow, I would hope my h saw it for himself, I would hope i would see that moment, because that will be the day she no longer has power over my h, or me and our family.
Unfortunately it is pretty hard for me due to my h ow being a cousin, because even her manipulation, talking bad of me, trying to break our marriage, taking from my family what she doesn’t deserve and sitting back watching us fall in the hopes of me leaving my h, my h still doesn’t see her as a bad person, just sees her as someone that needed his help, someone he promised to help, and of course she is family. So unless he was to see her true colours, her nasty manipulative ways, her disrespect for others, and how selfish and taking what she can get for her own advantage, then I will never be truly rid of her, my h would need to see that person to never feel sorry for her again.
So again Maya, I do hope this is the closure that you and your h need, to never have this ow cause havoc in your life again.
So yes, I don’t wish ill of my h ow, it’s not my place, but I would try my best not to feel sorry for her after all she has done when she falls on her face, because that’s her doing not mine.
I’m sure OW was gloating. I’m also sure I’m better than OW, so doing what she did or does doesn’t interest me.
SR – we’ve both been here a while, and I have a great respect for you, so please remember this fact when I say this:
If your H still thinks OW is a good person, and you believe he would still help her if she reached out and needed help, perhaps your anger should be aimed a little more at your H. He’s the one that still doesn’t see her as bad, and he was a participant in the A.
To that point – to everyone: Why is it karma that hits OW? Why are we so happy to believe that Karma is going after OW and not our WS. Will we be as giddy when our WS gets heart disease or leprosy? LOL, yeah it’s a joke. Seriously, I know why I think it is – remorse. If the OW is remorseful and the WS is remorseful, that is one thing. If not, that’s when I think Karma hits.
I don’t see any reason why doing something OW did is acceptable. Sure, she gloated. She also tried to sleep with a married man and wanted to steal what someone else had worked for. I’m not doing any of that, thanks. Will I grin or better when bad things happen? Sure, why not. But to actually want to participate? No, I have better things to do than chase that thing around. Sorry – but that’s my opinion. I know it isn’t everyone’s, but that’s how I feel. Broken2 isn’t alone here – she’s just the only one saying anything.
On my phone, if you block a number it blocks texts and calls. Woooo hooo.
Yes it blocks his text messages. So sick of hearing how wonderful he is. Telling me how to run the household and he feels that i should get a second job to make ends meet. Still trying to be in control. BLOCKED! I’m in control now!!!
Now for ALL of my NEW BEST friends on EAJ comes the Pièce de résistance that ALL of us BS deserve! I have NEVER read any post on EAJ where any BS has done the things that I did to the Whore who tried unsuccessfully (thankfully) to destroy my family’s life. I am NOT and have NEVER been a weakling. So, when this situation presented itself to me it was NO exception because I took the “Whore” by the horns and didn’t let go until I was done with her! I honestly was done with her a year ago UNTIL my H and I saw her life begin to implode earlier this year with her son’s legal troubles which is very unfortunate but the Whore’s selfishness has not only destroyed herself but also her son. So, without further adieu, pop some corn, pull up a chair, grab a glass of wine or a shot of Tequila and enjoy the fireworks! Lol!
The day the Whore (she was my H’s exgf from 30 yrs ago) texted me and called me “a fuc##king low life & if i only knew the truth” was the day she went DOWN & I unleashed my wrath of TRUTH on her! I absolutely did KNOW the TRUTH because as soon as I found out she had been communicating with my H I IMMEDIATELY laid down the law to him that there would be NC UNLESS I WAS INVOLVED! So, I became PROACTIVE not REACTIVE and I TOOK OVER his email account(s) (work & personal), his FB account, BLOCKED her from his actual cell number which had been a corporate cell phone but we got his company to switch it over and put it onto my personal cell account (this way I could check up anytime I wanted to), lied to the Whore that his company had changed cell service providers and gave her my H’s “NEW” cell number which was REALLY my back-up BlackBerry cell number AND then MY FUN & GAMES began!!!
From that point on I WAS the ONE that was emailing, texting, sexting and IM’ing her NOT my H but ME and the dumbass Whore NEVER suspected a thing! I “learned” how to “talk” and misspell words just like my H and many times he was sitting right next to me while I was doing these things to her! So, I got to SEE firsthand EXACTLY how the Whore talked to my H and how NASTY, MALICIOUS & DOWNRIGHT VINDICTIVE she was about me even though she had never met me and knew nothing about me! I got to see what her “plans” were for me and what she “thought” she was spewing to MY H from her skankyass Whorehole like what to do to me & how to go about getting rid of me! She had broken up several other marriages BUT none of those marriages ever had the financial assets that my H and I have so “scoring” my H (in her tiny non-existent pea brain) was going to be a HUGE payday for her or so she thought! Too bad for the Whore that she had been laying out ALL of her plans to ME and not my H! Lol!!!
Needless to say I “toyed” with her for several months until I decided that I had gotten enough dirt on her via Whoremails from her etc. (like her bragging about trying to commit insurance fraud by saying that her vehicle had been stolen) when she just couldn’t afford it. So, a “Whorefriend” of hers (real high class peeps she hangs with) told her to just drive her POS (piece of shit) & leave it in a bad part of town, unlocked with the keys in it and then go back in a couple of days and when it was “gone” to just report it stolen. I wish I could have seen the look on her uglyass face when she went back and it was STILL waiting for her and she had to drive it back to the shitnest she lives in. Since I work with computers and am very tech savvy it never took me long to find all kinds of dirt in the public records and the internet (all of it legal) and believe me there was plenty of dirt to find! It was so rewarding to show my H what a Whore she really was and obviously always had been. I told him how LUCKY he was that SHE dumped him 30 years earlier!
NOW FOR THE TWIST of this entire 1 sided competition that she thought she was beating me at. At the SAME TIME that I disclosed to THE WHORE that she had ACTUALLY been COMMUNICATING ALL ALONG with ME I ALSO DROPPED THE BOMBSHELL ON HER BY TELLING HER THAT MY HUSBAND AND I HAD BEEN IN ON EVERYTHING TOGETHER THAT WE DID TO HER SINCE DAY ONE WHEN SHE 1ST “FRIEND REQUESTED” HIM ON FB JUST AS A PAYBACK FOR HURTING HIM 30 YEARS EARLIER & THEN FOR SLEAZEBALLING HER WAY BACK INTO OUR LIVES WITH 1 INTENTION WHICH WAS TO DESTROY OUR LIFE THAT WE HAD SO LOVINGLY BUILT TOGETHER FOR THE PAST 27 YEARS! After MY disclosure and sending EVERYTHING that I sent back to her any power that she MAY have thought she had, any secrets she MAY have thought she had she was NOW rendered powerless and useless and so discombobulated that her HALF A BRAIN CELL couldn’t even fathom nor comprehend what was the truth and what wasn’t since I HAD SO MUCH INCRIMINATING CORRESPONDENCE sent directly from her via email.
Now, MAYBE JUST MAYBE she could feel just a little bit about what it FEELS like to a BS when we are totally blindsided and our world is turned completely upside down and opens up and swallows us whole. What these nasty Whores do by setting out to do so heartlessly to us innocent wives by playing the dangerous games they so callously & cruelly play with our family’s lives in unconscionable! She really had NO idea if I really WAS involved but there was NO denying that she DID NOT have a secret or special “friendship” with my husband behind my back like she SO mistakenly thought that she did! I cut her off at the pass and ROBBED her of ANY power she MISTAKENLY thought she had since she had NO idea in this world what to believe. I also told her NOT to EVER contact ME or MY H again or I would forward her email that she sent to ME bragging with specific details her attempted insurance fraud scam to her insurance company and to the police department.
I have also confronted her in person with my H (he took me to her work) and it went beautifully because we caught her totally off guard, I had written down & memorized the things I was going to say so that I could remain composed while getting my points across and it was a success! Since I have NEVER acknowledged that there was any sort of improper behavior I have ALWAYS maintained the UPPER HAND with her and it feels GREAT!! Needless to say she DOES NOT feel that she has ANY power over ME or MY H at all since she is the cornered mouse due to the fact she couldn’t keep her Whorehole shut and blabbed everything to me. She is in so much trouble now being a Drug Felon & I have so much Whoreshit on her that I WILL bet MY LIFE that she will NEVER EVER rear her ugly, nasty Trailerwhore ass in our lives again! I would like to say that I am NOT a vindictive type of person UNLESS I or my family is blindly attacked like Whore did but NO nasty ass bottom feeder pushes their way into my family’s life and tries to cause complete & utter devastation just because she thinks she can! So, seeing the punishment that the judge hands down to her will be PRICELESS!!!
I will let everyone know how “special” the judge treats her since she is a Self Entitled Whore who deserves everything that life has to offer without having to actually work for it nor be a kind hearted person. As for my hubby and I we are going to take the day off from work (her sentencing that day will just be a teeny tiny blip on our radar screen) and we will treat ourselves to a SPECIAL couple’s day because it will TRULY be the 1st day of our “New” life together! I truly wish that everyone in the world was like our EAJ family & I wish so much love and happiness to EVERYONE on EAJ ! Maya
Wow Maya, you really got her didn’t you lol. Inhad to out up with my h ow for 14mths, her telling him to call her baby because that’s what he called me, her and my h contacting each other several times a day, reading messages of her telling him how she knows he really wants her because she can tell by his hugs and their talks, and how he is only with me because of our children. Which is a reason why she wanted my children too, as well as the money she would have kept from not having to pay me anything if she up with him.
I won’t ever understand how someone that doesn’t know me, would have so much hate towards me, al because she wanted my h when she was younger.
So I only wish I had my h be so willing and forthcoming to get rid of his ow from the first time dday happened, instead if putting me through sheer and utter hell for the next 14mths.
I’m happy it has worked out well for you and your h Maya.
Maya, As most here that know me will tell you I don’t chime in very often as I believe too much advice is mindboogling and confusing. Having said that, I am very opininated when it comes to everyone tearing at each others throats.
You said you graduated from a highly rated college, but what did you learn? Don’t you realize that you just wrote on this blog that you were impersonating your h and someone, to include anyone of her circle, can come back and hold you responsible for harassment and possibly something else?
I am not sure if you are enrolled in the higher levels of this site, but we had someone who had to stop posting until their legal problems were figured out because anything written here can be used against you. It doesn’t matter if she is in jail, she can still life hard on you if she decides to use your fraudulence against you.
I am also one of those who you did not list in your thank your… No skin off my nose, but I agree with some of the others, if you are looking for nothing but praise here you are misunderstanding the reason behind the blog. I have been posting on here for what seems like a millennium and there has not been a time when all of us agree but for you to “not appreciate” all of the BS who respond to you is lacking insight. We are all here to give our insight NOT argue over whether or not you like the answer or not. We all appreciate each others input and if you don’t agree with us then just pass on it and keep reading but your post thanking only those who “understands” your position seems a bit snide.
Battleborn I just read the letter that you wrote that was posted on here last year. It made me cry. I am just now learning after 22 years of marriage that it is the little things and the deep down to the bone committment that makes a marriage worthwhile. My H may not tell me I am beautiful or that he loves me every day but he is here trying to make a go of this. I wish I had appreciated the things that he has done for me more. I always wanted the fairy tale love and he was never that kind of guy. I always felt I was missing out on something and I was, I was missing the bigger picture. Maybe he really does love me “warts” and all.
HERE HERE!! Great post 🙂
Maya, I just read this. Wow. Your H did hide his relationship with her from you. He caved when you found out, but he was absolutely willing to have his secret relationship with her. So I’m not sure where all the bragging comes from. On Dday he caved, like most do. Until then? Yeah, he was happy hiding her and keeping her in his life. You do see this, right? You’re acting like he is a champ for the way he handled it. Um, no, he was hiding a woman from his wife. Not a champ, in any way.
Driving you to her work? Did he want you to get arrested? Did you want to get arrested? Why not go to her home? And getting your H’s work involved via the cell phone? That’s just embarrassing really.
I don’t think attempted insurance fraud is a huge crime. She never filed a false report or collected anything. There was no crime, so I wouldn’t keep that as your Ace In The Hole. For insurance fraud to exist, she has to have filed a claim. Is she trash for trying to get her car stolen? Of course. But you have nothing on her aside from being able to prove she’s trash.
In almost every post you’ve told us how much money you earn and how well off you are. Why? You know what you have, why do you want to make sure we know?
Maya, I’m not bashing you, although I’m sure it seems that way. This long diatribe of how involved you got, how your H caused this and then sat back and helped you (I’m sure he got a thrill from watching his wife fight for him) is really just creepy. He did wrong by you, and you are acting like he’s ‘right by your side’. I think maybe deep down you know that isn’t true.
Honestly, I think deep down you know a lot of this is just chest puffing, and deep down you are scared at how your H was willing to deceive you. You’ve made this a major focus in your life, and basically it’s all teenage drama. When has your husband atoned for hiding his relationship? I didn’t see anything about that. I see you focusing on her to avoid focusing on him and what he did.
She was right btw – you had no idea. She was in a hidden relationship with him. I doubt she just, out of nowhere, that you were a lowlife with no idea. There is an opening here that seems to be left out I believe. If that’s the case, you’re still positioning this to highlight what you perceive as your strong points while leaving out what got you to this point.
And speaking of what got you here – what work have you and your H done to improve your marriage? Do you view your teamwork against a woman that he was hiding from you ‘work’? It isn’t. It’s focusing on her when the problem was in your own marriage. She didn’t do anything your H didn’t allow. You’ve spent a year going after her. When did you work on your marriage? You also claim there was no affair of any kind. Seems like denial since you’re so happy to focus on her for a year. A woman hitting on a man doesn’t bring about this kind of wrath, and men don’t hide women when nothing is going on. She clearly felt she was more involved than you knew, and she probably was. I’m sorry – but she probably was.
I’m glad you’re happy with your husband. I am too. I’m glad you make a nice living. I do too. I’m not happy to read from a fellow BS woman that so much attention is on the OW and not on marriage repair. Focusing on her seems to be fun for you, but your marriage has problems if your H will hide a woman from you. You can’t distract from that forever. Honestly, maybe he’s doing it again with someone else while you devote so much of yourself to this lowlife woman you hate so much because she didn’t have an affair with your H.
Carry on with the fun and games. Carry on with thinking this woman matters. I hope things continue to go well for you, but I honestly think you’re using this woman to avoid focusing on the real issues, and I think that’s sad.
I could be wrong, and I have no doubt you’ll tell me I am.
BTW, I don’t know why you’ve never seen revenge stories. I’ve seen plenty, and honestly yours isn’t revenge. It’s you obsessed with someone else and playing telephone games and yelling at her. This big ‘win’ of her being sentences had nothing to do with you. I’ve seen amazing revenge stories. I’ve seen lawsuits and arson and job firings and all kinds of wonderfully evil revenge stories. Again, this is you obsessed with playing teenage games while OW laughs that you’re doing these things because she got in with your husband. Honestly, even what you’ve written here would be enough for her to get a restraining order on you and maybe even press harassment charges. How much fun would that be for you? Not much, I’m sure. I hope you’ll realize this and stop with the games.
Maya, focus on your marriage and why your H felt alright hiding a relationship with a woman from you. Stop focusing on this POS that isn’t worth the time of day. She’s nothing to you, so make that a reality – get her out of your life. She’s not the threat anyway. Your H hiding such things is. Deal with that.
Good luck Maya.
Maya
Somehow over the years I missed this post. It is beyond me that someone would play with fire in that way. Your husband in the first place for engaging with her. Why not just block her and walk away?
No matter what the circumstances or the details of the OW’s real life, whether she be a felon or a bad mother or a selfish whore, a terrible wife, or all of the above, it really doesn’t make a difference in the long run. We all want to believe that Karma exists, but ultimately, what we are really looking for is justice. We all want the OWs in our lives to be smacked in the face, blindsided as we all were by their complicity in the unconscionable act of our spouse’s betrayal, and to really feel the pain that they inflicted on us and our families by their incomprehensible selfishness. My husband, in the weeks and months after d-day, viewed this as punishment- but it was never that. I just desperately wanted him and the OW to realize what they had done. Clearly, there must be some entity in the universe, whether that be God or Buddha, or Vishnu, or some other omniscient being, who somehow understands how I feel and can make it right? (Doing a bit of research, it seems as every religion has its’ own version of Karma).
Two+ years later, I don’t believe that bad Karma will ever befall the OW. She has always had a way of deflecting every problem in her life away from herself – it’s always someone else’s fault when she screws up (she used my husband multiple times to save her from her abysmal and unprofessional behavior). When she gets into trouble, she just reinvents herself, then tries to act the part, even though she doesn’t have the intellectual capability to pull it off (I guess this is why she needs to reinvent herself so often). Unfortunately, she has 3 messed up kids to prove what a disaster she is, but she takes no responsibility for that, either.
Even if bad things came her way, she would never make the connection that it was the result of the selfish choices that SHE made, her malicious and uncaring attack on me, my marriage, and my family, which still has serious repercussions.
So, to try and move forward through all of this, I go back to Rick Reynold’s essay on forgiveness.
He says:
“If justice is the standard, then the consequence of betrayal is the loss of relationship. Anything short of that is mercy, indeed.”
Karma and mercy are two entities that don’t intersect. I struggle everyday caught in the middle between the two.
I think I’m rambling and I need to stop.
Note to Tryinghard: I understand that you would like to burn an effigy of the OW in your backyard – so wouldn’t we all! I’ll be pouring a glass of wine tonight and toasting you.
HAHA thanks Tweet!!! I just hope Karma doesn’t catch my glass of wine on fire!
Nothing bad can happen to your glass of wine after 5:00PM -and the good news is that it’s always 5:00PM somewhere. Cheers!
My h used to think the same, that imwould like something bad to happen to her, while he was in his relationshipmwith her. I would tell him, how wring he was. Mi would tell him, I just want her to see that what she is doing is wrong. I just want her to leave my family alone, I want her to find happiness elsewhere and to forever stay out of our lives.
Brilliant post Tweet. Brilliant. Cheers! 🙂
I guess I am truly odd man out because remember if you believe in Karma your spouse would also be on the receiving end. I
Sadsomuch, I believe my h had so much bad stuff hit him the past yr, so I know he didn’t get off Scott free. Dont forget too, our spouses have to look at us in the face everyday if they remain with us, and know that they hurt us for someone else. They have to live with that, I can’t imagine having that on me, it would be way to difficult.
Sadsomuch. Of course my H is experiencing bad Karma right now. So is it not bad Karma that he has to deal with the fallout of his EA/PA frame, his sons who ridicule him behind his back, his employees who have lost all respect for him, key employees quitting over it leaving us in a very bad spot with customers and vendors. His parents know about it and he knows everyone in town has judged him. Do you think when he sees people he isn’t torn wondering what they really think of him? Of course he has bad Karma and by my chosen association with him, I too have bad karma. Now the OW probably believes it’s all rosy and great here because we are still together, we travel, we work together, I have a much higher authority at work than she ever hoped to have, I’ve had two new cars and my H one new car, we live in a beautiful home blah, blah, blah. So when I hear people saying the OW isn’t suffering and experiencing bad Karma, I don’t think its true. I think they are miserable and still making horrible choices and paying for them both physically, financially, and emotionally. I don’t see Karma as anything magical. It’s like anything else, what you put out is what you get back. Yes, I would say right now my H thinks his Karma is pretty shitty.. Did I tell you our business sucks if that’s not enough:)
Sad so much, myhusband got his fair dose of karma from me, and then some, believe me. Also, he had some very bad shit happen before he ecame a cheater . A very emotionally abusive childhood. Bad divorce of parents. Triple bypass in his early 40s. Etc. a young child could notr deserve the crap he got, no way in hell.
Sounds like your H did have more than his fair share of bad things happen to him at a young age. Have you ever wondered if some of those things led him to make the choices he did later on? My H went through a much different childhood than I and sometimes I wonder if that didn’t have an effect on him all these years later. Just a thought.
Personally, I’m not here to judge anyone, except my husband’s GF of course, lol. Maya’s story is definitely amazing. I will say that when you start messing with another person’s spouse you open yourself up to all kind of crap. Regarding the legality of what she did, it’s hard to say. If she was on the email account or cell with her husband’s permission and his knowledge it would probably be hard to prove any wrong doing, but I’m not a lawyer so I dont know. I would imagine if you texted him his account but didnt sign his name they could say you were making assumptions. As far as most of the stuff on here, it’s very anonymous, as far as our identify and the cheaters. I’ve never seen any names, cities, or any identifying information on anyone but there may hsve been some. We could all be telling the truth, or not.
Sad, I’m fairly sure it did affect him, especially that he he no positive relationship models, and I think he was very unaware of how to have a successful long term relationship. He was one of four siblings who all had at least one divorce. my parents were married 42 years til my dad died. We are complete opposites in our childhood experiences.
Sounds familiar. My H was an only child and both of his parents have been married 3 times each. My parents were married for 43 years till my dad’s death on 2011. I guess I am trying to look at it in that light. He wasn’t taught well and now maybe I can correct that. My H is a good man just very distant and that’s where my pain comes from. He didn’t hardly talk to me but for months carried on a friendship with another woman and then bam it turns into an EA. Hurts a lot but do I throw a good man out because he made a mistake? Don’t know the answer to that yet. It’s only been 3.5 months and I am trying so hard to keep myself under control for a few more months to be able to make a good decision.
Sad, we ran off to Florida to get married because of his family. We visited his brother out of state a few years later and I was with my sister in law looking at their wedding album. After a bit I realized neither of my husband’s parents were in the photos. SIL said they couldn’t put the shit aside enough to attend their own child’s wedding. That is just sad. Also, one night my hub made some comment about “love is SUPPOSED to hurt .” That really creeped me out cause I think he really believed that, and that since I wasn’t a game playing bitch like his girl friend I didnt love him. Very sad.
It’s funny how they come up with the assumption that we don’t love them after giving them a family, spending our life with them, putting up with their crap, all the good and the bad, and were still faithful, yet nope my wife doesn’t love me, all because ow comes along and tells him so.
Very sad is right. I gave my H 3 beautiful girls and worked every day since we have been married. I tried not to bug him to do things and I would just do them on my own. Fix stuff, mow the grass, etc etc etc. He didn’t want to do stuff with us, so me and the girls would just do things without him. Then I guess he gets loney and starts chatting with a women he works with. Friends first, then the feelings start flowing and its I love her as much as I love you. I have been married and lonely for a long time but I never did that. Still I don’t know if I want to end my marriage. How screwed up is that?
I dont think I read Battleborn’s letter. How would I find it? Thanks.
Giz, go to the blogs of July 2012 and it is titles Out of Misery Comes Love.
I dont generally “support” or “not support” other people’s actions on here. I do support their choice to make the decisions they feel are best for them. If it’s not illegal (ie, attending a public sentencing) I don’t have that much of an opinion whether someone should do it or not cause only they know if it’s helpful to them or not. As far as “gloating” goes, per the definition, everyone is probably guilty of it cause it’s an internal feeling of enjoying others misfortunes, at least as I understand it. so yes, I would “gloat” over my husband’s girlfriends misfortunes. But it’s internal, not external, and I do not feel bad about it.
Thank you, Sad!
Great post LOAF. All your points are valid and I couldn’t agree more.
Maya. Sometimes when we post we just need to get our story out there to let it go and really that’s what needs to be done. Some of us are on different timelines bit seriously anything longer than a year of obsessing about the OW needs to be handled professionally. I see focusing on the OW as diverting your real anger that you have for your H. That is where your time will be better spent. Yes she probably was after money I know my Hs AP was after that too and I didn’t make shit on my own bit legally his nusiness is halftime so she took from me as well. But HE is the one that allowed it. I really hope you have delved into that because that is a very serious crime on his part. He stole from your marital financial resources as did mine. That takes a lot of forgiveness and work.
I’m not here on this blog to judge who’s affair is the biggest and baddest nut your H lied to you and a liar is a liar whether there was sex or not, emotional invvement or not. So in mine andost people’s eyes your husband had an affair. Do not be in denial about that. Ecsuse it will happen again if you do
No alimonynor child support check this week.
Back to court I go.
Thanks for letting me share, so frustrating!!!
Rachel, where I live the court can order a wage garnishment for child support and alimony so that this does not continue to happen. Have you tried that approach or is that not available to you?
Get him Rachel. Big effing blowhard!!! Big man right? We call that Big Hat, No Cattle!!!!
Haha, you guys crack me up!!
Yes I am going to suggest that we garnish his checks since he can’t seem to write me that check once a week.
I do have money saved for bills the problem is my new mortgage lender needs to see a copy of the weekly check.
Kind of hard when he doesn’t give me one.
He’s such a jerk!! I don’t even recognize him anymore.
I am Maya’s husband and I am here to introduce myself. First I want to say how thankful I am to my wife Maya and how much I have truly loved her for the past 28 years. She has always been right by my side even though I was too blind to see it and regrettably I wasn’t there for her like I should have been and how very sorry I am for not communicating with her even though she has always tried to communicate with me. Everyday, when I look into her eyes and I see the depth of the devastating pain that I have caused her because of my selfish immaturity yet I also see the depth of the love that to this day she still has for me I am beside myself with grief over how deeply I hurt her. How could my heart ever let me forget that “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother”.
She is the strongest, most positive woman I have ever known who will fight until the bitter end for her family even though she had an awful start in life with being a child of divorce with an alcoholic father and a physically abusive mother she has never let that get her down and she has always said “that’s what made me who I am and everything happens for a reason”. She has always been the best mom to our 2 kids who think the world of her. We have always been a great team together and raised both our kids to graduate from Maya’s alma mater.
So you are probably saying to yourself “if Maya is so great then why did you starting talking to an exgf”? All I can say is that it was a devastating time in my life with losing both of my parents within 9 months of each other and I should have sought counseling right then and there but like most men I didn’t. I was immature and I was lonely for Maya’s attention, I didn’t communicate my needs to her and to be brutally honest I was just being a real selfish asshole. Also, Maya’s straight commission income dropped by 90% (due to the downturned economy) and since education has always been very important to us and both our kids were already back to back in college (both kids worked at school and took school loans) Maya & I both had to get 2nd jobs. So, with us both working 4 jobs between the 2 of us we sadly lost sight of what is the most important things in life loving your spouse and children.
As for FB I had accepted friend requests from other people from my high school/ college days and we would talk and get caught up on what we had all been doing for the past 30 years just like everybody does on FB. I realize I was naïve’ and took things at face value. In my mind it was just talking with an old friend since she had a long term live-in bf and I was married to Maya. I didn’t realize she was so unhappy with him and that she was looking for a new man. I wasn’t unhappy in my marriage & I wasn’t looking to have an affair. I realize now after reading so many articles on this site that she wasn’t just an old friend but that she was an exgf and that was my fatal mistake.
Sadly, Karma did come for me but instead it hurt my beautiful Maya by giving her a Skin Cancer diagnosis with facial surgery and 120 stitches. Maya & I were completely devastated by the news. I texted the exgf and said I would not be talking to her anymore. So, I hope that Maya can still find it in her heart to love me even in light of my hurtful behavior, especially when she, the true love of my life, needed me the most. Hopefully she will stay by my side and with her love and support help guide me to be an even better man than the one she married 25 years ago this month.
I love you with all my being sweetheart
I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t shed a tear at OW’s hard luck tales, not by a long shot. But going to a sentencing over a year later? Going to her work when the EA is long done? Getting your H’s work involved by way of the cell phone bill, etc? There is gloating, and there is an unhealthy obsession.
MY last comment was to Giz – not sure why it’s here.
So, for Maya’s husband – other than helping Maya obsess on your exGF, what are you doing to fix things? What work have YOU done other than apologize and let your poor wife spend a year of her life, while dealing with cancer no less, chase some lesser woman around and do things that could actually get her in trouble, all while you sit back and cheerlead?
I’m sorry, but I don’t view any of this as a success story. You’ve helped your wife basically embarrass herself by going to OW’s work, spend MONTHS pretending to be you, know everything about this woman’s life and now, after all this time, you’ll once again sit back and do some of your own gloating at how fiercely Maya is defending her position as your wife. Do you even realize that’s what this is? If she still feels the need to be this involved she is still somehow feeling threatened or wounded and needs to make sure the world knows her position. That’s a good thing? Really?
You both need to go to counciling to learn how do deal with it. Do you realize your wife is adamant that you didn’t have an EA? So what does she call it? And why is she going off the deep end to get some high school revenge on the woman? Your wife calls herself a BS (betrayed spouse) and your ex OW (other woman) but she will not admit what you had was an emotional affair – if that’s all it was since you’re clearly in the same town.
So why all the focus on the OW and not the problems within your marriage that caused this and is still bringing drama to it? Why not help your wife with that instead of the standard “I was selfish, I didn’t know it was wrong, I’m sorry”. Sorry, but that’s textbook brushoff.
Your wife doesn’t need a driver to continue to stalk OW and be there for every bad event. She needs someone that loves her and sees she’s in pain and works to make the marriage better, which will help with the pain.
Or have fun at a sentencing. That will really improve things, right? Keep letting OW define what you will do and keep making her and her life important in yours.
Sorry – nothing about this is good, and seeing two clearly grown adults behaving like high schoolers and thinking that proves their love is just sad.
Carry on – but remember NONE of this is fixing your marriage, it’s just an avoidance tactic.
This is kind of funny. You know how sometimes you feel like a day is significant but you can’t remember why. I finally realized today was the date,October 12 , when I met my high school boyfriend, 2 days before my fifteenth birthday. Lol, then I realized that was 40 years ago. It would be the worst kind of karma if I had spent the last 20 years since our affair with him. Ewwwww. I never think of him thankfully which is funny cause I used to think he was soooo special and soooo important. He always treated me like crap.
Giz,
Don’t waste your time thinking about him. HAPPY BIRHDAY!
Thank you, Rachel! It was a very fleeting shaking my head,, glad I dodged that bullet feeling. Not any kind of wishful thinking, I miss him sort of thing, at all.
Birthday? Am I late, or what? HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!!!
Thank you, LOAF! No, you’ re not late, birthday is tomorrow. I’m kind of spreading the celebration out, lol. Hope to go to my favorite Italian restaurant tomorrow. Then take a couple of days off during the week to work on the house. Fun, fun, fun, I know, right? We were going to go to the mountains for a few days since my daughter is on school break, but they are federal park and Shut Down, so we will have to reschedule.
I just realized that I absolutely don’t give a rat’s ass what my husband’s girlfriend thinks if me. She certainly couldn’t have a worse opinion of me than I have of her. I’ve had a busy weekend and am going to spend a few days working on my house. Her major insults were that I’m a “fat lazy hoarder” “fifty years old”, and a “knocked up shank”. Well, what the hell ever. I know I’m not lazy, I have a full time job and total responsibility for a preschooler (at that time ) . It’s just plain stupid to insult someone for their age, you are what you are. I may be fat, but again, What the hell ever?? As far as housekeeping, it’s not my main priority but I do keep it clean where it counts, like the kitchen and bathroom. This week, I am giving my bedroom and dining room furniture to one of my brothers friends who needs some. They have both been in my house since I moved here, and look like they survived the civil war, lol. I’m getting new “modern” stuff from IKEA, and it’s gonna look great. I thought it would be fun to send photos to GF, captioned “sucks to be me” (another insult of hers) but then I thought I dont Care what this dumb bitch thinks of me. At all. I guess that means I’m done with her. I have nothing to prove to this chick. Nothing.
Oh, I forgot, yes I was “knocked up” but not a “skank”. I had no doubt who my Baby Daddy was. I’m not crazy, etc. I’m not even giving any credence to this broad’s opinion of me because she does not matter. I was “insecure” but only because of my husband’s actions, not anything to do with me. I am who I am, I definitely dont need to justify it, or explain it, or get approval from anyone. Especially someone whose main claim to “superiority” is that she was dating a married man. anyone can do that, as evidenced by the millions of whores already doing it. seriously, Gf?? Wow, how impressive.
Giz, again, you are absolutely right. Mine thought the same as yours did about me, fat lazy etc, even told me I wasma slut? Wtf, im a slut for sleeping with my h the father of my 6 children. Lol. I too am who I am, and I would prefer to be me than to be her, as it sucks to be her. Lol. If she wantsmto be renowned for having an affair with a married man, then good luck to her, but isn’t a title I want.
She can put me down as much as she wants, I really don’t care either, as she is really nothing to me. I need to remember that. Yes I maybe fat, but at least I’m not a wannabe home wrecker.
Thanks giz, you gave me something to think about, when I’m feeling down about myself, which like you, I didn’t feel this way until my h ea.
Hugs to you
“Not one drop of my self-worth depends on your acceptance of me.”–Quincy Jones
My friend just posted this on Facebook and it seems so relevant to this discussion.
Happy birthday giz! I hope you have a wonderful day and week 🙂
Thank you, Trying Hard ! It’s been a good weekend ! Oktoberfest and dinner at mexican restaurant yesterday. Visiting a “haunted” southern mansion today, lol. I love October and Halloween, it’s such a fun time. Then dinner at fave restaurant tomorrow and getting house in order for new furniture, yeay! You have a great week as well.
Happy Birthday Giz!
So let me get this straight Maya’s husband says he had an affair but Maya says he really didn’t. You two need help..big time…..professional help. You spend all of your time gloating and sneaking and lying to each other instead of working on your marriage. It sounds like a sick, dysfunctional relationship. Watching someone fall does not heal your marriage.
B2 – I have to say I agree with you. This entire story seems bizarre.
Right? I think all of it is just to avoid the real issues – focus on HER so that we don’t have to look at WE.
I said the same thing – if it wasn’t an EA or a PA, what are they even doing here, and why does Maya refer to herself as a BS? And why spend a year stalking someone because she DIDN’T have an affair with your husband? It makes no sense. I think there is some really strong denial going on and one day it will probably blow up.
I love how the hubby is helping Maya stalk this woman instead of taking ownership and letting her know that he is also guilty. Honestly, some of the things these two have done could result in OW getting a restraining order and/or filing charges against them.
It all sounds so unhealthy. You’re right B2, professional help is needed at this point.
Oh yippee giz, new furniture!! I used to own a store and I love being creative with decorating. I feel alive when I’m doing it. Haha, sadly I don’t get to do much of it now since I had to close my store because of the effing recession:(. I do miss it and the creativity BUT not the headache of it. Now I only have the headache of working at our business which I hate. Ugh it’s tedious accounting/administrative work and managing employees! Not nearly as fun as working with pretty stuff:). Got to do what I got to do:)
I hope you have fun picking out colors and accessories for your new look:)
Maya,
First the amount of digits in your salary or the credentials of your alma mater don’t make you immune to opportunistic women. It may lend you to feel superior to the OW, drug felon as you say, but I’m not sure it gives you bragging rights. You forget this woman was able to snare your H into having a secretive relationship with her. She’s street smart and her cognition is born from a much different place than your own. When you show up at her court date she just may feel you are the sucker who was dragged there by your husband. A man she will probably believe still holds some concern for her because he is there. I strongly doubt she will perceive you as a united front but more fools entangled in her web.
I believe karma is the consequences of your actions both good and bad. I have personally befallen and been uplifted by “karma” according to my actions. Sometimes the consequence is so aligned to the action it startles me. But for me to believe “karma” as some mysterious judgement doesn’t sit well with me as a BS. Because what the hell did I put out there in the universe to have the person I trusted and loved the most rip my heart out and dice it up like a tomato?!?!?!
Do I think my H’s AP deserved all the bad juju that came her way following her dance around the mulberry bush with my H…ABSOLUTELY. But I’ve also had to suffer the “karma” that has fallen on my H post DDay. And much of it has sucked!
I feel like a little bit of a suck up here, lol. But fcol, I agree with you, I wonder what I did to deserve all the shit bestowed upon me. I too know what you mean when you too have suffered the after effects from all of this, and it does suck, it is a sucky sucky place.
Can I just add to everyone here, I think you are all just wonderful. So here is the suck up part, I just want everyone here to be happy and to never be faced with this again. You all deserve to be happy and loved, so peace and happiness to all of you wonderful people.
Happy Bday Giz! Mine is the last of Oct and I have been stringing it all month! LOL. The only thing that sucks is that the OW, my MIL and my bdays are all within the week.. No shit! Oct 21 MIL, 22 OW and 28 mine. That is a really hard thing to put in the back of my mind because it is a fact that will rear it’s ugly head every year.
Have a cold one for me Giz!
Ha – don’t you love these ‘close’ Bdays? My H’s is Nov 1 and OW is Nov 2. How cute!! barf
Happy Birthday to ALL of these October babies!!
Thanks LOAF… Yea, the closeness of our bdays is a gift that keeps on giving. Now when I over drink on my bday I can say I have a legitimate excuse. LOL. I think my biggest problem with her bday being so close to mine is that she was born the same year I graduated from HS? It only serves to remind me that she is 18 years younger than me…. Hand me one more drink bartender!
She maybe 18 years younger than you bb, but that doesn’t mean she is a better person, or even knows how to be a good kind person to others like you.
Lol, loaf, barfing over the cuteness of the ow and your h birthdays being so close.
My h and his ow are a week apart, double barf, over all the cuteness that came with that.ohh one thing though, they didn’t share the same star sign. Lol. Barf barf barf.
Yes if we are in a relationship with someone that does something to get bad karma of course we are going to feel the effects of it actually we are only responding to and taking in his bad karma. Just trying to help. I don’t care if people believe in karma or not. I know it’s real. You can call it coincidence if the word karma sound too new age. Just because we are betrayed spouse doesn’t make us saints. Oh yeah I’ve had my share of bad karma and so has my H. Do we deserve it? Maybe yes, maybe not, regardless it’s there and we are feeling it. Maybe I was too judgmental of others in the situation I’m in now and well I put that energy out there. Karma said you need a little humility sister. It worked. I’m also getting a lot of good karma too and for that I am grateful too. I don’t know if the OW cancer is karma but she did ignore symptoms and instead of buying health insurance she drank and gambled her money away. One thing I know though is my God did not bring cancer on her and my God did not set put to punish me allowing my husband to cheat. So god and karma, two different things
Happy birthday giz, my second youngest turned 5 today the 14th. Hugs to you, have a wonderful day.
Well, I would have responded sooner today but I was on a 4 alarm blaze (4 different fire departments were there) since I am a Firefighter and have been for the past 15 years. Please keep in mind that every time I go on a fire call I am risking my life because when you are running out of a building engulfed in flames I am running into that same burning building that is engulfed in flames but that’s what being a Firefighter is all about! Some things I want to clear up once and for all!
1. I NEVER had an affair OR a relationship with her. Yes, I texted, emailed & IM’ed my exgf but we never met up in person. 2. STUFF I NEVER SAID TO HER: I love her, that she was my soul mate or that I wasn’t happily married to Maya or that I wanted to leave Maya for her. 3. STUFF I DID SAY TO HER: since she was always asking for my advice about her kid who was always getting into legal trouble what should she do with him. I always told her to get him into school since he could qualify for free money because she said she didn’t make much money. She was always asking my advice about things like I was a father figure to her. 4. STUFF SHE DID SAY TO ME: she wanted someone with a steady income (like I always had), that she wanted to quit her dead end jobs and have someone take care of her financially, that she wanted me to leave Maya (since Maya worked a lot of hours between her 2 jobs) because she said Maya didn’t have time to pay attention to me like she would. 5. STUFF SHE DIDN’T SAY TO ME: she never said she loved me and she never said she regretted breaking up with me 30 years earlier. 6. ALL OF HER AND HER SON’S legal troubles began 1 ½ years after I stopped talking to her in Feb of 2012. NONE of that stuff was going on while I was talking with her so I was NOT associating myself with a drug felon, criminal etc. 7. I am not dragging Maya to court she and I decided TOGETHER to go to and NOT because I have or ever had any feelings for the exgf except for 30 years ago. If some people want to call it gloating go ahead but this has nothing to do with a murder or a funeral. It is a judge handing down a sentence to a person who has always made bad long life decisions and has already pled guilty to a serious drug crime. 8. Maya is not and never has lived in any sort of fantasy world and never had to be concerned that she “won” me because I was never up for grabs. I am her husband and I have been for 25 years. 9. Maya does not and has never had an obsession with my ex nor has she ever stalked her. 10. We go to a marriage counselor who specializes in working with married couples where one of the spouses has ADHD since Maya has that and does take Adderall for it. 11. We have focused solely on our relationship by quitting our 2nd jobs since both of our kids have now graduated from college and the economy has improved so Maya’s income has gone back up tremendously so we have a lot more time to spend with just each other and we do weekly date nights, go away every month overnight to a local hotel, go on a 3-4 day trip every 3-4 months. 12. I am the account contact for my company’s cell phone account so I did not have to “involve” my company or “embarrass” myself. 13. Maya and I spend time several times a week (alone) reading and listening to all of the invaluable resources on Doug and Linda’s website and appreciate them sharing their story so that others can benefit from their experiences.
LOL – I had written out a fairly lengthy reply and then thought “why?” Your wife, in her opening story, says she is a BS, calls OW “OP”, and then at the bottom calls it an emotional affair. Very clearly, it was an emotional affair.
Then when everyone didn’t fall at her feet at the greatest BS of all time she said you didn’t cheat, at all. You arrive, and you too state you didn’t cheat. It’s more important to both of you to be ‘the perfect couple’ to anyone that sees you, including strangers on an internet forum, than to be honest with yourselves.
You list what you did and didn’t discuss to make it seem so innocent. What about the sexting? Your wife discussed that in her opening post too. How innocent was that?
I don’t care really – pretend chasing OW for a year and a half is normal. Expect us to cheer at the antics of you and your wife, remind us all that your wife makes good money (I also make over $100k a year, but this is my first mention of it in actual dollars here. Hmmmm, how’d THAT happen?)
You both seem like nice people that love each other as well as your kids. That’s great, really it is. Focus on that and stop worrying about OW and her self induced misery. It doesn’t matter. What matters is the love your family feels.That’s where your energy should be spent.
good luck
TO Broken2: Maya and I do NOT sneak around behind each other’s backs, lie to each other, have a sick,unhealthy, dysfunctional marriage or relationship we merely lost a connection with each other for a few months while we were trying to stay afloat financially by working 4 jobs between the 2 of us. If you think that working 4 jobs (because your wife has lost 90% of her income due to the horrible economy) so that you don’t lose your home, your vehicles or your kids have to drop out of college because you cannot afford to help them constitutes a sick & dysfunctional relationship then maybe you & your husband need “big time professional help to help you fix your sick & dysfunctional relationship”. Maya and I called it devotion to our marriage and our children by working our assess off to survive in this economy!
Actually Mayas husband you did sneak around behind her back and you both admitted that and only when you were found out did you decide TOGETHER that you did not have an affair, then you did have one, then you didn’t and I guess now your last post said you did. There would be no reason to frequent a forum for affair unless you had one. WHat I find dysfunctional is a couple in recovery spending an entire year devoting what you both stated as very little free time (because you were working 4 jobs) to sneaking around and portraying yourselves as someone else to the OW for your own enjoyment. That is what is sick and dysfunctional. Also you can spin your court appearance anyway you want put you are both gloating at the fall of another human being. I am happy for you that you are working on your relationship and things are going along well for you both but don’t come here and act like you are some innocent victim of your affair partner. You sir cheated on your wife and you can spin iy however you want. My husband said all the same things you said…you never said I love you, you never said you didn’t want your wife blah blah blah but bottom line is she will never know what was really said because just like my husband you betrayed her trust. I think he would love for us to decide he didn’t have an affair together but by its very definition…he did and so did you. Sounds like you are doing many good things towards your recovery and that is a positive thing. I also see that you both love to hear only what you want to hear and when others disagree with you then you don’t like it. WHen you post on a blog you will find many of us have been at this recovery thing for a long time and many are newbies. Perhaps opening your mind will help your recovery and accepting advise from other posters that disagrees with your stance is a healthy thing. I think you both spend a lot of time denying what happened and you spend a lot of time obsessing about this woman and in doing so you give her value. Seems like revenge to me which is never healthy. The court appearance is gloating.
Right – so you simply lost a connection. You weren’t sneaking around, as you insist you don’t do, when you were talking to OW. Why are you so defensive? Did someone tell you that life is filled with only people that think exactly like you?
No one is claiming that stepping up the workload when commissions drop isn’t admirable. However, don’t play it up that this is all that happened.
You’re in a lot of denial about your role in this, and Maya is as well. I don’t see this as working on your marriage. I see it as a distraction from having to work on your marriage
You sound like a great couple Maya and hubby, however Maya hubby, it doesn’t mean you weren’t in some sort of emotional affair situation, any woman that tells you she wants you to leave your wife for her, and you keep talking to her afterwards, even behind your wife’s back is an ea.
Although nothing happened with this ex gf, it very well could have. You sound like a good man, and alot of good men want to be a hero to a woman that needs help.
This is where you now need to protect your family from these woman that get an attachment to you for whatever reason. Pleasemfor the sake of your wife Maya and your children, don’t give another woman any reason to get between you.
If you were not strong enough this could have been worse.
You and your family have been through alot, life can throw us a bad deal, but whe those times happen itnis then that we need to lean on those closest to us, our husband/wife. You would find that, when you confide in that one special person , you can handle it together not alone.
This is a lesson we have all in need of learning, maybe we wouldn’t have been in the positions we are if our spouses were just able to open up to us, so we can work through whatever is thrown at us together. That is where strength is shown.
Many women want a man that wil protect them, unfortunately some take it too far by trying to destroy a family.
Form you both as well to be here looking for some guidance, it’s a wonderful thing, but I wonder though because you both believe there was not a betrayal of sorts, not a ea.
Your wife would not have been terribly hurt if there wasn’t.
Would not have been a need to to find information on an emotional affair website if there wasn’t. I know that I didn’t come looking for an affair website when there wasn’t a problem in that area.
When there was a need to to find what I can about these types of affairs, that’s when I came searching.
I think you both deserve to be happy and I am also glad you did find this site because because it gives you information on how these types of affairs begin and know many of them end, all the people that get hurt along the way too.
After reading all I have, although very much upto both you and Maya, don’t go to the court, just let it go and live your life as if that ex gf was never apart of your life. Live your life to the fullest and just keep focusing on your family and make each day count for you both, life is hard enough without bringing dead weight into the picture.
You both are good people, if going to her court brings closure for the both of you, that is up to you, but I truly think you can get by without that sort of closure, but again that is up to you, and either way, I am just glad that you both are doing well and are happy after all the lows you both have faced. All the very best to the both of you.
Can I just add too, most of us here, if notmall of us, have been hurt greatly by an ea, we have come on here looking for somewhere where we are not alone in our despair whether we are a bs or a cs. We have common here for a place to learn more about the possible reasons of how we came to be in the positions we are and have been placed in. Most of us are very sensitive and are all in some place of the healing/recovery timeline.
Some of us have been hurt more than others, yet this is not a competition on who has had a worse ea and who is worse off, it is all about a place to share our stories, to find a place to vent and with luck on our side move forward to a better place, and with even more luck a better marital relationship.
Can we all try and be a bit more compassionate with each other, you are all beautiful wonderful loving and caring people, all have been placed in a terrible unfortunate situation. If we can’t come on here and vent or offer advise or even express our feelings without being judged and feeling the need to defend ourselves, where else can we. Most of us have learned that the people that understand us and what we have gone through are those that have been faced with the same problem.
I truly think you are all so wonderful, and I appreciate each and everyone if you, your support to me has been so invaluable, I just don’t know where I would be if I wasn’t given the opportunity or resource to meet such a caring bunch of people. You have helped me just by your comments, your stories and your knowledge of how you have all progressed through your recovery. We all don’t have to agree on each others way if dealing with their own situation, remember we can only control our own, we can only offer each other support and understanding, which is why we come here, not to be judged, i think we have had enough if the embarrassment, judgement, etc from those close to us, in our real life such as friends and family.
Lets be happy not snappy, lol..
One thing I am learning day by day, is although I have my moments of torment about this ea, I am trying to work hard to truly forget about this ow in my life, I don’t want her to take up space in my mind or my life any longer, I want to move forward in my marriage and I don’t want to dwell on the past especially when I have a husband that has been trying to make things better. I know he loves me, and as I think gizfield said, warts and all.
I think what I have been doing is giving this ow too much of my time, giving her time that us undeserved, giving her time in my mind trying to understand how a person could set her sights on destroying my family. It is a waste of time trying to ever understand, and I think I am finally realizing thatmit isn’t doing me any good, it just gives her power over me, when all I want to do is forget.
So this is my challenge to myself, and that is to try hard to get her out of my mind, and every time my mind starts to wander in her direction, I want to work hard at focusing something more time worthy, like my family and how to move forward as a stronger person.
Can I do it, here’s hoping. Lol.
Ohh and sorry for all the spelling mistakes etc, hard to go back and check on the iPad, lol.
I found a quote I liked from searchquotes.com
The best revenge is getting over it and moving on not giving someone the satisfaction of watching you suffer.
Another one,
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars, you have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
I’m getting stronger everyday, eventually you will be a distant memory.
Very nice SR!
To Maya, I believe there is a distinct difference between the Western definition of Karma and the original definition… The Eastern traditional Karma is not “an eye for an eye.” The definition I places all the Karma on ourselves; what we do to ourselves brings either good or bad to ourselves. If you live a life good, you will reap good, etc.
To Maya’ Husband, if you think that you were doing the right thing by speaking with the OW AND you continued with those conversations after she wanted you to leave your family, then you, sir, have had an EA. Yes it may have been a one sided thing as you claim, but you still a participated in a secret conversations with her. If you had told Maya the conversations including the part about the OW wanting you to leave Maya then you wouldn’t have had all this happen.
Speaking of being a fire fighter, thank you for your service.
To everyone else posting here whether or not you believe in Karma. While it is unfortunate this topic has created a huge divide, we all need to remember that Maya and her H have a right to express their opinions. If they believe they have not had an EA, let them believe that. We all have our opinions about their situation but we lost site of what Maya was trying to write about….. Whether we believe in Karma. And as we found out, just like our individual affairs there is no right answer just opinions.
I mean no insult to anyone… Just an old sage giving her insight to this post.
Thank you for the birthday wishes everyone! We had a good day. The haunted mansion was really cool, but as usual I had no episodes of paranormal activity. I need my own show, The Un Hauntable. They could show ghosts swirling all around me and I wouldn’t notice, lol. I’m hoping this years birthday is better than last. My husband was halfway though his month long eviction. He took my daughter shopping for me, I didn’t even acknowledge him, lol. His skanks birthday is November 22, 23 , 24 something like that, can’t remember. It us within about a week of my daughter’s birthday. How nice. I do know about five months after he supposedly quit pursuing his skunt, he sent the whore a “trinket” in the mail, along with a card where he had written “comments that might make you blush.” I’ll tell you, hes sitting three feet from me right now and it’s all I can do not to pop him upside the head right now just thinking about it. ewwwww.
My husband just wrote “Happy Birthday, sweetie! I love you!” On my facebook page. Thats huge for him because he never puts anything on facebook.
Ohhh how sweet gizfield, it’s a good thing you didn’t clip him over the head, lol. Happy birthday again.
Just for the record I don’t feel any kind of animosity over whether someone believes in Karma or not. This is why I love this blog. We all have great opinions and we get to read them or choose not to read them. We get to “listen” without the interference of body language. I think you are all great and I value what each and every one of you has to say. Whether or not it’s along my line of thinking or not. If my statements have offended someone I am very sorry. That is NOT my intention but we all have a right to say what we want. If Doug or Linda thinks we step on the intent of their blog I guess they can end out membership.
Maya’s husband. I still stand by my original comment that if this is what it takes (going to the trial) for you two to heal, I say fine. I don’t walk in you shoes. I don’t know your relationship. We all have our own ways of handling life’s curve balls. I am a demonstrative person. No one has to guess where I stand. Not everybody is like that. I REFUSE to live in denial. I call a spade a spade. When my husbands affair came to lite I made it NO secret. I fought for my marriage and family and husband like the true Lioness that I am. I am not ashamed of ANYTHING I did during that time, and yes some of it could have gotten me arrested. I never stalked. Maybe it was Karma that I wasn’t!!!
I’m not even going to give my opinion about whether or not what you did constituted an affair. There has been plenty said on that and I am of the same opinion. If something as trite and superficial as going to that trial heals you, MAZELTOV!!!! Maybe you have done the real work you need to do to truly heal your marriage and relationship and I will not speculate if you have or haven’t. I would love to hear from you guys after witnessing the symbolic lynching and see where you really are. I wish you both the best.
TH, just for the record Hun, I think your great….. No offense here.
Me too SR!!! HUGS!
Hey Giz, Go ahead and Bop him as a birthday present to yourself!! UGH, don’t they always pull something nice out of their ass just when we want to clobber them??? Bless their stupid, little souls!!!!
Thank you Strengthrequired for such insight into our story. Maya and I both agree (after reading on this site) that even though I never met up with her in person that the talking part (that Maya was initially unaware of) would be an EA. Men aren’t always as smart as we like to think we are so we think affairs are only physical and not emotional but I now know very differently. Maya and I have also read a lot about setting up boundaries so that no outsider is ever allowed into our marriage again. As soon as the exgf started talking about “needing” help financially and telling me that she had no feelings for me at all since we were just old friends so I shouldn’t feel bad to walk away from Maya and Maya made enough money to take care of herself financially and that’s when I chose to stop talking to her since she did show her true colors that she didn’t just want to talk (like I did) but that she wanted money. This was about the same time that Maya’s skin Cancer was diagnosed and I realized that I was playing with fire and firemen do put out fires but they do not start them and that Maya and I could get burned and unfortunately that is exactly what happened. I am so remorseful at what I did to our relationship by being so stupid to think I could just talk with an exgf and not have the exgf think that It would ever be anything more than just talking to her like she was just 1 of the guys. Maya and I wish you and your family all of the best. Your h is a very lucky man to have such a devoted and loving wife and mother to his children.
Mr Maya
In case you haven’t figured it out, we are a pretty passionate group here with only a few opinions!!! 🙂 Hang in there pal. Actually it sounds to me like you averted an all out affair by your wife finding out really quickly. I wish I had acted on my first red flag, but NOOOO I had to naively trust him and arrogantly think, “oh he would never do that to me AGAIN”. HA!!! Maybe you were only in the infatuation stage of the emotional affair but this was definitely the beginning of one. I hope you have learned your lesson. There are plenty of creeps out there and if you are a curious person or one to sweep things under the rug, cruising old flames on FB is NOT what you should be doing. My H doesn’t see when certain women are making a play for him, never has. I can sniff those bitches out like a dirty cat litter box. Good luck to both of you.
Maya hubby, your welcome and thank you too. Through my experience with my h ea, I found the ow just wanted someone to support her and her children after just leaving her h. Yet she manipulated my h into thinking she loved him in just a short space of time, and into believing I didn’t love him, she would take care of him and my children with him.
My h only wanted to help her because he felt sorry for her, she used it against him. It happened so quickly, that it amazes me just how quickly. What i have found is these woman learn to become master manipulators, they are needy and use it to try and secure their future. My h ow at first would say to him, I don’t love you, what I have for you is far deeper than love. I still don’t know what that it, because afterwards all she could tell him was how she loved him, and wanted him to leave me for her.
The last time she requested he leave me was in febuary this year. This went on for over a year, where I saw a strong man turn into someone who was a meer shadow of himself, then through a long process I had seen this man turn back more each day into the man I know.
My h was hurting, this ow made it harder for him to see what was in front of him. He was a torn man. In my marriage of 22yrs I have never seen my h like that until last year.
He never thought it would harm us, him helping another woman, he didn’t think anyone would take advantage of his kind heart. Unfortunately a good woman doesn’t involve themselves with a married man and ask them to break their family for the sake of a “better life” . A woman that is only in it for herself doesn’t care, and knows what to do to manipulate a good man who has a good heart, yet these women don’t expect a good woman to hang tightly onto her h, helping him see the truth. They expected us to drop them and walk away without turning back and just hand over our life to them.
We blind side them with our respect for our marriages, while they continue to try and make a goodman turn bad.
I’m so glad that you escaped that when you did, I’m so glad you were able to see before you ended up in the “fog”.
I do hope Maya has recovered well from the cancer.
Thank you, Strength . I have noticed I dont get mad very often and when I do, it’s really shortlived. Just a couple of minutes. So, I am glad I didnt wap him.
I appreciate everyone’s input on here, even if I dont always understand their actions sometimes. I dont even understand my own actions sometimes, lol.
I don’t understand as well my action alot of the time, so as well I don’t always understand others either, so you aren’t alone. I guess all we can do is follow what we feel is right for us, if we stumble and fall just keep getting up and try not to make that mistake again, and keep moving forward.
Hope you had a wonderful birthday Giz! My hubby, myself and both of our kids LOVE Halloween, haunted houses & super SCARY movies!!! Also, that was very sweet that your hubby wished you a Happy Birthday on your FB page : )
Here we go again!
No alimony and child support checks again. I am suppose to receive them on Fridays . He’s such a pip!
My friend was at a function last night and the ex wen tup to her and hugged her and sat down and went on and on about what has happened for the past few years.
She said that he is playing the victim and said it’s happened where some people do get back together after divorcing?????
Before he walked out the door he went around to the empty tables and brought home the wine that wasn’t finished in the bottles. Crazy, sick man!
IM so sorry Rachel this is happening to you, i hope it gets sorted soon for you.
It definately sounds like your exh is playing the victim here, unfortunately he put himself in this position, you didn’t ask for it, he put you both here, because of his selfishness, and now it is just too little too late.
He should feel sorry for himself he did this.
My hubby & I would to thank Doug & Linda for creating this wonderful EAJ site that we have been a paid member of for the past 13 months. It has truly been inspirational in helping us and many other couples to heal our hearts in a safe and accepting environment and for that we are forever grateful.
We also believe it’s primary purpose is to be supportive, encouraging, sensitive and educational to those of us who come here to be welcomed with sympathy and understanding by so many other EAJ members who can empathize firsthand with those of us who unexpectedly find ourselves in an emotional crisis.
Doug & Linda’s never ending compassion and guidance is a gift to us all and we know they discourage any unnecessary insensitive, unsympathetic or unpleasantness between other EAJ members.
We are college educated people, very open minded, not overly sensitive and sincerely do appreciate and respect everyone’s insights, opinions and constructive criticism.
Unfortunately, some members whose recovery’s may not be going as well as they had planned or hoped for, choose to be unnecessarily hurtful in their comments which defeats the real purpose of why we are all here which is to help and support one another on this journey of building an even stronger and more beautiful marriage with our spouses.
So, please let’s all keep in mind to not judge nor make incorrect assumptions about each other’s situations and remember that “Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them together”
Translation….only say what we want to hear and don’t question what we do in any way.
CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!\
Be very careful what you say to Maya and Mayas husband as I have received a very mean Private Message from Mayas husband reminding me that he is a firefighter and puts his life on the line everyday (not sure what that has to do with this forum) pointing out the things that my husband has done to me. Apparently when you disagree with them they become very angry. He prefaced it by saying he was not a member of the higher healing forum but that Maya was and he must have spent the evening reading what I had posted there to get his information. These are two people that do not want to hear anything but sympathy and after this private message I can understand why they derive pleasure from pretending to be the OW and watching her fall in a court of law. Mayas husband I am sorry you are so angry…maybe its because you don’t want to face that you actually cheated on your wife but don’t send me more PMs
WTF!!!! I cannot believe they did this!! Ok so he’s a fireman and guess what pal, MY tax dollars go to paying for your benefits and salary. Yes I’m grateful to these people BUT they should be grateful to us as well. Being a public servant does NOT in anyway give anyone the right to harass you so I say EFFF that! We all have a right to state our opinion here and I haven’t seen one thing that anyone has said here, whether it’s in support of Maya and Mr. Maya’s statements or not, to warrant this crap. I am so sorry this person felt the need to do this BUT he who knows maybe it wasn’t Mr Maya and it was Maya herself, she’s done it before 🙂
THAT IS INCREDIBLY DISTURBING!!!!!!! Like I said before there is a very bizarre aspect to this story. So says my gut and like we all now know we follow our gut instincts.
BTW – how does someone private message you on here. Do you have to be a paid member?
Karma is an interesting enigma! I am able to empathize with a lot of the emotions stated here because I too was cheated on after 23 years of marriage. I caution myself however to wish ill thoughts upon others because I believe that too can have some repercussion “Karma”. Ultimately, in the end-of-day, it is between me and I “conscious” of who I am, what good deeds I am able to measure, and how much I can forgive those who have wronged me… The OW has to live with herself, everyday, and realize that a choice has been made, he is home with his family! In the end, I probably need to thank her for strengthening my marriage and my relationship to my husband.
You have to be a member of the higher healing forum to private message someone.
OK so let’s keep the conversation going for just a little longer because none of us have heard enough right??
So some friends and family of the OW are having a fund raiser at the local Moose Club to raise money to pay her medical bills and I thought it would be a reallllllly great idea if my H and I attended. NOT TO GLOAT or anything. Just to show her we are united and well her life sucks!!!!!
Oh boy, I am so going to HELL!!!! 🙂
I think we should end it 😉 Seen this?: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rielle-hunter/apology_b_4100599.html
Oh, OK DAD!!! But let me go on record: YOU’RE NO FUN!!! 🙂
Don’t make me pull over! 😉
I didn’t start it DAD……they did!!! Seriously LOLing. Needed that 🙂 Promise, I’ll be good…or maybe notttt 🙂
Trying Hard, WHAT are we going to do with you, lol? You are cracking me up !
Whatttt ???? I thought it was a realllllly great idea 🙂 I know Giz, I crack myself up too.
I guess I should apologize in advance because I don’t want or need any poison pen letters.
Really can you just see me and my H showing up at some fried chicken dinner at the Moose Hall!!! “Hey there folks, now where’s the donation jar or no wait, I already donated. AT THE OFFICE!!”
The while time I was reading that apology I thought “time for a book”, lol. Coming to the Quarter Bin at a Barnes and Noble near you. this lady thinks shes relevant HOW?
In our defense, Doug, due to the holiday we hsvent had a new post since friday and we are getting bored, lol. You know that always leads to trouble. We will do better tomorrow!
I know Giz and that’s my bad. I was lazy this weekend and didn’t feel like working on a post. Besides, I’m about to change the theme of this site so that kind of took over my time. Anyways…new discussion tomorrow!
I found it not the least bit coincidental that they are re-releasing her “memoirs.”
What holiday? You in Canada and celebrate Thanksgiving or something?
Great, looking forward to a new post. No prob about you taking a holiday, Doug. And I just have two words for you, Columbus Day! No mail, bank, etc.lol . I’ve never gotten it off work,soit is easy to forget.
Isn’t it true when the cats (Doug) away, the mice (us) will play.
Happens every time!!
Hey Doug, your pretty chatty today, lol
Hi there!
It took me a while, but finally I have time to write my thoughts about karma and affair.
First of all, I do believe karma. It is all about you reap what you sow; action and reaction; cause and effect; good luck bad luck.
As some of you mentioned why we get to live through our spouse’s betrayal, it is not because of bad karma. It was not by our choice, but the ripple effect of the dearest person’s bad chiice and decision. The whole thing is an experience, lesson, or whatever you call it, just to let us see into ourselves, connect us back with inner parts (strong, loving, caring and most importantly integrity). Truth to be said, how many temptation we had and or have, and still not succumb to them? It is that part that being able to look in the mirror into our own eyes and know we are survivors, that is good karma.
Another point about bad karma is that it can be cleansed. It comes down to this: if person realizes that he is doing bad things and has remorse he can cleanse his karma. However it is not easy, as those who remain in marriage know, he appologies for the wrong doing and has to take corrective actions. So this being said, yes our WS do have hard time as they rebuild marriages back, help heal their kids and spouses.
So to all those of you, after all these stuff you come out of dark tunnel stronger, more confident in yourselves, so nothing can belittle you anymore!
On the lighter note, I guess in rare moments when I think of ow, I imagine how it would be for her to be cheated on so that she could understand what her selfishness did.
happy birthday Gizfield!
And have a great weekend all of you!
Hi Lea
Good comment. I think the hardest concept about Karma is dealing with the bad Karma that comes out from the actions of those closest too you. But, and I have to say it’s been a difficult practice for me, if you step back and realize it is THEIR Karma that is affecting you, you can look at the situation and evaluate how to handle it without affecting your own Karma. Yes if done correctly we will come out of it stronger, more confident, and wiser and THAT is good Karma. Thanks for commenting. You guys always brighten my day or give me something to think about.
We’ve all seen some Karma at work at some point in life. My sweet moment came when my H’s EA came back to haunt him by costing him a $1000 device. He’d started a rather inappropriate and flirtatious relationship with a woman online who turned out to be a catfish. He downloaded a game on his iPad and that’s where he met her. A couple years later, he got a new iPad (one of the really fancy expensive ones, too!) and we were still working thru the nastiness of the affair recovery when on the anniversary of him downloading that game, he dropped that new iPad on concrete and shattered the screen to smithereens. Even sweeter karma came around when the real person who owned the pictures his AP was using went back to those pictures and put her real name on them! The AP was claiming another life altogether and using a model’s pics as her own. My H had an EA with a catfish! It doesn’t lessen the pain for me, but I sure have fun giving them both some shit about it. I hate admitting what I did sometimes, but revenge can be sweet. Since she offered up so many photos of herself, and lived near a Federal prison, I made up flyers with her name and mailed them to inmates at the prison near her home, along with her phone number and the address linked to that phone number with an invitation to visit after their release from prison. I had suspected she was a catfish and told my H as much. That was confirmed later when I saw that the real owner of those pictures, who was from another country, went back to those photos (all the photos were from websites like Tumble, etc) and put her real name on them. Apparently the catfish had used those pics so prolifically, the real owner was forced to claim them to stop this insanity. It hurts me no less, but I will occasionally give my H some shit about it. Especially when he tries to “play victim” to a catfish. I remind him the real victim in this was me and our marriage. He was just a sucker for her fake attention.