As we have mentioned previously on this blog, Dr. Frank Gunzburg and his book “How to Survive an Affair” has proved to be a very valuable resource. What we have enjoyed most about this book, is that it’s actually more than a book—it’s a system. Systems are easier to follow and adhere to than most books. Granted, it’s a little pricey, but it’s far less than the cost of one session of counseling. We decided to do a review of the system for you so that you can get a better idea if it is suitable for you and your situation.
In April 2004, Dr. Gunzburg performed an extensive survey of 300 willing couples who all had suffered from the effects of an affair.
Despite a lot of hard work (including counseling) that the couples undertook, only 55% were willing to continue the relationship. (Of those who were willing to continue, 71% stayed because of the children.) Many were ready to call it quits. So, what was the problem?
Dr. Gunzburg believes that “successfully repairing your relationship is not about doing a lot of hard work; it’s a system. This system is about doing the right things, BUT more importantly, doing them in the right order.” It’s about building on success after success—systematically.
While there are many good books that offer great information for understanding how you feel, they do not carefully organize that information into phases that help you, your partner, and then both of you work things out.
They simply expect you to figure it out with trial and error. That’s why books don’t heal marriages. But systems do.
In Dr. Gunzburg’s program there are three phases to help a couple save their marriage after an affair:
Phase I: Individual Healing – Understanding Personal Feelings and Sorting through Emotions
• Take control of the paralyzing emotions.
• Regain your sense of stability and get rid of the images.
• Eliminate the paranoia and restore your self-confidence.
• Cut-off the affair and move back to your spouse.
• Replace the lies with truth and start over.
• Understand why the affair happened.
• Uncover what was missing and how to add it.
Phase II: Healing As a Couple – Working Together to Identify and Resolve Key Issues
• Accelerate the healing process: Protect your relationship from further harm.
• Discover how to talk about the details.
• Transform your relationship with a heart-felt apology.
• Generate new honest communication.
• Ignite a renewed life-long commitment.
• Capture peace of mind with true forgiveness.
Phase III: Negotiating a Renewed Relationship – Understanding How to Rebuild and Sustain a New Trust-filled Partnership
• Eliminate the suspicion with complete transparency.
• Restore your sex life without haunting visions.
• Affair-proof your marriage for life.
• Develop lasting safety, honesty and intimacy.
• Accept the past without being tormented
As documented in this blog, an affair is one of the most painful things that can happen in a marriage, and the effects can be long lasting to say the least. Our marriage is not the same after the affair, but Dr. Gunzburg’s system and expert advice has helped us down the right path.
He has been helping couples affair proof their marriage for over 30 years and has used all his hands on expertise to create this excellent system to help you survive an affair. All that experience shows in the course and it has to be highly recommended for its thoroughness and attention to detail.
“How to Survive an Affair” has a 100% money-back guarantee so there is no risk if the course doesn’t work for you.
7 replies to "How to Survive an Affair: Review"
I’ve found it really useful reading this. I didn’t realize my h was having an ea until I saw a counsellor – he had worked with this woman for a year and they had become great friends as their job was quite demanding and they supported each other. It quickly progressed to them swapping little gifts, texting and fb outside of work and some of the messages left my hackles risen. He told her he’d never met a woman like her and also told her he kept secrets from me. She shared that she had been in a long term relationship when she met her current husband (bit of a hint there) and also shared really personal stuff like that she used to have an eating problem. She Also told him what method of contraception she used.Before long my h was staying later at work and I became paranoid about what was happening. When I expressed concern he told her I was jealous, something I know she then shared with her friends and I feel a fool as a result. I finally put my foot down when, after she had resigned (rather than working without my husband, who was threatened with redundancy) he insisted the relationship would tail off. He bought her a large ornamental hare as part of his parting gift, and then went to have a hare tattooed on his shoulder, which I objected to – that would have been a constant reminder of how they have been together. Far from tailing off the relationship has just gone underground – he pm her on Facebook and phones her when I’m out. He thinks I don’t know but I have become quite adept backtracking what’s happening. Whenever I point out to him that he’s lied to me he tells me he “forgot” he’d contacted her. Yesterday she posted on FB that she was coming home after being away for the weekend and he made a point of liking her status. I don’t think that’s going to suggest to her that he’s not interested. Am I making too much of this? He tells me he needs time to tail off the relationship, but it doesn’t feel like that what he’s doing. I love my husband and I desperately want to make this work, but my trust in him is depleted – how do I get that back? Any advice is very welcome. He just keeps telling me he hasn’t done anything wrong…
I have to ask, did he get the tattoo?
No he didn’t as I threw a wobbly. He got a celtic cat instead. I asked him if he told her what he was going to have done and of course he said no (although I had already seen the email he sent her…) 🙁
I hate that you now have a permanent reminder of the pain he has caused you. He has done something wrong and until he sees it you can’t reconnect as a couple. I will tell you that this blog has made a huge difference in my life. All the advice on here that says take care of YOU is exactly right. You can’t put your marriage back together if he is holding pieces of the puzzle hostage so don’t try. Instead put yourself back together and set personal goals just for you. I can’t promise he will do the right thing but I can promise as you get stronger you will be better equipped to handle any situation. Read all you can on here and just think every day ” how can I make today better for me”. I wish you the very best.
Thanx for your support Sadsomuch, we have now started going to couple counselling where I think my oh expected the therapist to say I was being paranoid and unreasonable, however she expressed quite strongly that he had stepped over a line and that what he was doing was infidelity. Since then a lot has happened. In an effort to make their relationship less exclusive I have taken steps which included responding to messages on his phone myself and also adding her on Facebook (I also responded to his facebook messages myself). The contact now appears to hAve stopped, but it still feels a little like a game. I constantly wait for a bomb to drop and feel very insecure. The infidelity was never publicly acknowledged with her, apart from my oh telling her I was jeAlous, so whether she has been warned off in the knowledge that nobody thought anything was happening or not, I don’t know. I feel a little more at ease and in control of the situation, but still cross and upset that this started and distrustful of my oh.I realise this is early days and things can change in a blink – that’s how my life seems to go 🙁 x
Real Men, especially husbands, dont do shit that makes their wife “jealous”. His behavior, and that of this skank he is running around with, is inappropriate. Dont let him, her, or anyone else tell you otherwise.
I’m not trying to be harsh or scare you, but every single time my husband has accused me of being “jealous” it was because HE was doing something wrong. They also like to point out to you that you are “insecure” which is basically the same thing. It will probably go on as long as you tolerate it.