There are a ton of articles circulating around the net about how to stop an affair. I obviously can’t say that my research has led me to read all of them, but I feel that I found a very powerful tactic that might be something to consider for those of you who are facing this issue. The tactic is…Exposure.
I came across this tactic through Dr. Willard Harley’s site, Marriage Builders. Harley is the author of “Surviving an Affair” and “His Needs Her Needs” and typically recommends some fairly strong tactics when it comes to ending an affair and affair recovery.
The more Linda and I read the stories from betrayed spouses of how difficult a time they are having while their cheating spouses continue to carry on their affairs, the more we lean toward ‘tough love’ type tactics. And the tactics that Harley recommends are probably the toughest we’ve seen.
Please note: Exposure is a very powerful tactic and should be considered very carefully before acting upon it. It is not going to be appropriate in all situations and there could be consequences that need to be thought through in advance.
Since affairs thrive on secrecy, Harley believes that exposure is your most powerful weapon against them. Exposure is certainly no guarantee, but Harley believes it is your best bet at killing the affair and making it possible to save your marriage.
Harley adds that exposure will make your spouse furious, but the ultimate goal is to save your marriage and not to avoid your cheating spouse’s anger at all cost. Harley believes your marriage can survive the cheater’s temporary anger, though it cannot survive an ongoing affair.
“Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery.In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery.”
How to Stop an Affair by Exposing It
Here is an excerpt written by Dr. Harley that explains the exposure process:
This is some seriously powerful and potentially explosive stuff! I know that if Linda would have done such a thing, I would have been pissed off to no end – probably due to shame and embarrassment more than anything. At the same time, I’m certain it would have blown up my emotional affair very quickly.
I suppose that there is always the chance that a tactic such as this could only propel the affair partners closer together, but Dr. Harley claims to have a high success rate when exposing an affair using the above guidelines.
Sample Exposure Letter Templates
I also wanted to give you some sample letter templates that might be helpful. Use them as a guide and tailor them to your individual circumstance.
OK, so what do you guys think? If you’ve been agonizing over how to stop an affair, does this seem like something you would try? We would also be curious to hear from any of you who have done this – or at least something similar – and what your experiences were.