This post is about emotional affair recovery from the perspective of the cheater. Read it. Print it out and keep it or give it to your spouse in they can’t get out of their emotional affair fog.
We get a ton of emails and there have probably been even more comments about how the cheater is having a tough time ending their emotional affair (or physical affair) and then ultimately letting go of their affair partner.
We’ve blogged in the past of how the affair can be treated as an addiction. When an addict gives up their drug of choice there will be withdrawal issues. When the addiction is an affair, there can be obsessive thoughts of the affair partner as well as a general feeling of loss and/or “pining” for the affair partner, among other things.
I came across this article written by Therese J. Borchard who is the author of “Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes” and “The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit.”
I don’t imagine that it is any coincidence that there are 12-steps since it seems most programs for treating addiction also involve a 12-step approach. Anyways, I think this is a very good article that a cheater should consider.
Though I don’t agree with everything the author writes, if it can help just one cheating spouse start the process of emerging from out of the affair fog, it has served it’s purpose.
It’s obvious that many of those who have been involved in an emotional affair are having a difficult time getting over the affair partner and feel as though they may never stop grieving for the loss of emotional companionship. But many feel that the cheater has no right to grieve because he/she was the wrong-doer, the evil one who hurt others, and therefore the emotional affair recovery process is much more difficult for them.
It seems that most of what the author recommends is very similar to that which is recommended for a betrayed spouse in their own emotional affair recovery process. Hopefully this article can offer you more points to think about within your own situation.