In short, turn the focus on to yourself and get strong both physically and mentally and prepare for the rough road ahead. This is great advice but not always easy to do if you’re not used to putting yourself first. It may involve baby steps to learn how.
Working on you can encompass many things, like exercise, taking up a hobby, therapy, meditation…the list goes on and on.
Here are a few examples that I’ve picked out that some readers mentioned:
I started focusing on myself — what I want, what it takes to get it. I’ve hired a trainer and gotten physically strong and lost weight. I make my thoughts/opinions known. I don’t give in just to make things easy and I don’t let my husband off the hook to make his life easier.
I forced myself to go to more theater, have coffee/ lunches with friends, go out even when I had to peel myself off the chair. But now I love those things and look forward to them.
I have little quotes in places where I see them each day, adding or switching out as I come across a new one.
I spent a good six months with a rubber band on my wrist, which I snapped every time I thought of my CS! And you know what? It worked!! Eventually. I made myself think of lovely things about my life and focus on my hobbies/ my own interests every time I snapped that band. Some days I had a stinging wrist, but NOW I focus on my own life a lot more.
Every morning I take 15 mins by myself, just to quietly check in with my heart and see how life feels today.
I have learned how good self-care leads to feeling better long-term. There was a time when I couldn’t see beyond this moment and didn’t care what I ate, whether or not my clothes were ironed. I am very grateful now that I am not in that place.
I have picked up my pencil and have started sketching again. And my pictures are coming together. I started a picture last night and before I knew it an hour had passed and I was very pleased with the outcome.
I am spending more time playing with my dogs.
I am also going to start adding another day of Zumba a week, that alone has brought me really far.
With these examples in mind, here are the discussion points for this week:
Have you been working on YOU after the affair? If so, how?
What did you do today/this week for YOU, that made You happy and fulfilled and inched you forwards?
How has it affected you in your recovery and in your relationship?
How has your spouse/partner reacted to this?
As always, please reply to each other in the comments. Each person leaving a comment is not an isolated incident. Many folks find the comments very helpful.
Linda & Doug