Discussion – Have You (or Your Cheating Spouse) Taken Responsibility for Your Actions?

take responisibility for your actionsOftentimes when you are a cheater you feel a tremendous amount of guilt, so you will justify your actions believing that that will make it better.  I think you can agree that is nothing but bull$#!+.

Whenever you use a justification to explain your actions – or lack of taking action –  you are either telling the world that it was not your fault or you are telling your spouse that it was all her fault.

For example, if you say, “You weren’t meeting my needs, but it’s not your fault,” those are two opposites. Whenever you use the word “you,” you are taking responsibility off of you and putting it on your spouse. You need to take full responsibility. “I did this. I did that. I felt this way.”

The cheater must admit that he was wrong.  He must admit that he totally screwed up for no good reason.  Then he must get busy making up for his screw up!

Taking responsibility earns you respect. We can’t be perfect all the time, we all make mistakes. When we accept responsibility we are accepting the blame for our actions and also accepting the responsibility for making improvements in our lives.

Accepting responsibility is a measure of one’s self-worth, their level of security, and the true sign of strength and courage. Having this ability can empower you to grow in ways that would bring you great rewards and accomplishments in your life.

This week’s topic points for discussion…

If you are the cheater, have you outwardly taken responsibility for your actions of having an affair?

Likewise, if you are the betrayed, has your spouse taken responsibility for his/her affair?

In either case…If you (or your spouse) have accepted responsibility, what has been the result as far as personal improvement, changes, attitude, healing, etc?  

As always, please respond to one another in the comment section below.

Thanks in advance for sharing!

Linda & Doug

For  more information on how the cheater can help his/her spouse heal, click here.

LINESPACE

Be Sociable, Share!

Related posts:

31 Responses to Discussion – Have You (or Your Cheating Spouse) Taken Responsibility for Your Actions?

  1. crios March 13, 2013 at 11:33 am #

    I could not agree more with this blog , I am the cheater I hurt my wife in many ways. I have told its all my fault she did nothing wrong. I am on a different path one that is true to myself and my wife. I believe we have come a long way since my indiscretion. We talk more about us and our feelings it great, I wish I would have had the balls to talk to her then I could have avoided all of this. I think I am better place now thinking of everything I do and all the effects it could have to and my wife. She sent me a quote one day which is really good and I think about all the time . Here it is avoid negative people and situations and good things will come from that.

    • Doug March 13, 2013 at 3:42 pm #

      Hey crios, Glad to see you’re still hanging around and making progress. The quote your wife sent you is so very true. It’s very important to try to stay away from those negative people who always seem to bring you down. Keep up the good work!

  2. crios March 13, 2013 at 5:32 pm #

    Thanks Doug I am still here because you and Linda ,you have been my inspiration our inspiration

  3. Strengthrequired March 13, 2013 at 6:45 pm #

    Crios, I like the quote your wife sent you, I sent it to my h,
    After all the negativity around my h, ow, it amazes me on how quickly her negativity threw onto my h. It didn’t take long, yet I have to say, it has taken along time to see a good improvement in my h. That quote is so true, once you get away from negative people, things really do turn out better.
    We never had this sort of problem before where we almost lost everything we have worked for, my h worked for, due to thiis ow. It happens so quickly, when negativity gets ahold, and it really does bring everyone down along with you.

  4. Strengthrequired March 13, 2013 at 8:50 pm #

    My h although would tell me at the very beginning tha I broke him, he did long afterwards, say that nit was his fault, he felt so very guilty, and that he had to fix things himself. As he also took the blame for the ow feelings, all because he was the man, so it’s his fault.
    Although this has dragged on, I do see some positive changes. From seeing my h, drown in depression, to seeing himmlook at me with hate in his eyes, which I had never seen before, to him telling me never to let him go, that he wants our family together, and he won’t let anyone hurt us again.
    Seeing him, get upset as all we have worked for felt like it was slipping out of his hands, and he felt powerless to stop it, such as our home, our business and bills just piling up.
    I would tell him that if we stick together we can get through this, everything will be ok if we work together.
    Finally we see things progressing for the better, my. Just called me so excited about a job he had quoted was looking really promising that he would get the work, an excellent job opportunity for our business.
    It felt so good hearing him excited about his work, after along time he felt like just giving up on everything he was tha sad.
    I told him, how proud I was, in which I am, I just know how good he is at what he does, i am so proud of my h, that he hasn’t given up on himself, on me, our marriage, our family our business, or our life together.
    What makes me happy is that, he called me with excitement and to let me know first.
    I know my h is a good man, he never deserved any of this that has happened, neither of us did, and I can see him getting stronger day by day, he needed to see that I wouldn’t give up on him, and I never have, and nor will I ever.
    He ma have thought that this ow saved him, yet she was pulling him down. I can honestly say, I’m the one saving him from her, because I have true love for my h, I know the man he truly is, she only thinks she knows.

  5. crios March 14, 2013 at 7:08 am #

    Strength required that’s awesome it works in all facets of life. Your husband responded as I once did my wife to try and and some blame in her. I was way off as he was. I only truly found me when I looked within myself and it was not pretty. When I started to fix me and not worry about what other people thought that when my journey began. My wife is a strong women and I know I broke her in some fashion and that break will always be there although healing it will be a memory that will be there for us . I am glad to here how supportive you are my wife has also supported me even though at times I don’t believe I deserve it . He another quote stay true to yourself and you will always be true to your loved ones

    • Patsy50 March 14, 2013 at 9:30 am #

      Crios, just a thank you for posting as a cheating spouse and glad you and your wife have and are working together on this very tough journey.
      I am a BS of an EA and it will be 3 years this year from D-day.
      Your right, the break will always be there but it does become less painful as time goes by.
      Love the quotes! It was something I sent my husband early in our journey and still do to this day and he always tells me how much he loves and appreciates them.
      I wish you and your wife much luck as you both continue your journey and hope to see more posts from you.

  6. Strengthrequired March 14, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

    Crios, thank you. I loved that quote too, just sent it to my h, as he didn’t come home due to “work”. I would like to believe that, but sometimes a bit hard.
    I hate not feeling like I can trust him, as I never had that problem before. I’m trying though. I guess it’s fear.
    I’m so happy to hear that you and your wife are at a better place. I used to have people say to me that I should leave my h, some because the did. Saying I don’t know how you can put yourself through this.
    That’s when I started to stop talking to people, although I needed support and I never blamed my h, it was the ow I blamed, I never wanted to hear anyone blame my h, I never wanted anyone to get angry at my h, I wanted to save my marriage, and I didn’t want anyone turning away from him. At times I have to admit, it’s been very hard, I never thought that my heart could break and feel completely broken, the way it has, and still feel as though I couldn’t leave him. I had to keep trying.
    I hope my h, has been looking at himself within, and truly sees what is important to him, and truly see that the ow wasn’t worth all the pain. I hope he has already, yet I think, as. Said earlier, it’s the fear in me stopping me believing she is out of the picture. I just feel he thinks he can maintain a friendship with her and it not matter.
    Keep up the goodwork, you are doing an awesome job.
    This is why I like this blog, instead of having people say, leave him, we are all fighting to save our marriages.

  7. crios March 14, 2013 at 3:34 pm #

    Thank you very much Patsy50 for ur kind words, I still have much to go on this journey . I am getting stronger I feel it and I believe my wife sees some strength in me also. Good luck to you also in your journey.

  8. KelBelly March 16, 2013 at 1:20 am #

    This is a great topic! I’m kelbellys H, the CS. Its been just over a year since D-Day for us and things are going quite well between us. I have taken full responsibility for my EA. Looking back I can see how much pain I caused her in the past and have been working diligently to make up for my indiscretions and short-comings as a husband. I have started to earn back some of her trust in me and it is a great feeling. I know I still have a ways to go but if we keep moving in the direction that we are I believe we will be in it for the long run.

  9. Strengthrequired March 16, 2013 at 3:03 am #

    Good on you kelbellys h, it’s so good to hear all these marriages moving forward in a positive direction. It’s good because it proves that if both cs and bs work together and unite together marriages can be saved, families can be saved from the devastation ea can cause.
    Every positive step forward is a step closer to a stronger marriage.

  10. tryinghard March 17, 2013 at 3:23 pm #

    Hey Doug,
    I would love for you to explain to the CS, as far as you have learned and from a male point of view, why we wives feel such a need for retribution against the OW. My H doesn’t get that part. He doesn’t get why I want to “poke my finger in her eye” every chance I get. Of course I haven’t literally but he is so dense where this is concerned. It really reminds me when I would point out that certain women were flirting/making themselves available to him. He would always chalk it up to my imagination, say I was crazy and guess what I was right! If I had done this I wouldn’t care one bit if he contacted the OM and told him off good and let him know how happy he was making me.

    • Doug March 18, 2013 at 8:01 am #

      Tryinghard, Do you mean the fact that men are for the most part oblivious to flirtatious manipulations from other women while their wives can smell these women out like yesterday’s dirty cat litter, or do you mean why your husband can’t understand why your so angry with the other woman? If the latter, then he really is dense.

      • Redemption March 18, 2013 at 8:51 am #

        Doug: In response to your reply to Tryinghard would you please elaborate. I believe Tryinghard was asking “the latter”. And while we BS feel the CS are dense for this also, I would appreciate hearing your analysis for this.
        My H has also made the comment to our marriage counsellor that I hate this OW and from the expression on his face, I think he felt this was not a logical response for me. Maybe thinking I’m supposed to be the bigger/better person??
        By the way, I corrected my H – I don’t hate the OW, I despise the OW and advised him there was a significant difference in this. Simply put, I look down on the other woman as not being worthy of that much emotion from me to hate.
        The OW had also been cheated on in her own earlier marriage. In light of this fact that she knew the pain cheating costs, she was still willing to sleep with my H whenever he would choose to visit her. Neither my H nor the OW seem to understand the usery involved in their fantasyland.
        I would like to be able to share your response, from the male point of view, with my H. Thanks so much!

        • tryinghard March 18, 2013 at 10:29 am #

          Yes what Redemption said. My H does not understand the level of despise I have for this woman. It’s not like I don’t know her. I don’t know her as “intimately” as he does but as I woman I know her better! He too goes by the story that we shouldn’t give her any power and while I blame him 100% for his decision there is no denying she played a role by making herself very available to him at the onset.

          I believe this is a natural phenomena. The OW has always been and will always be demonized. I fantasize doing all kinds of wicked things to her. When I watch the Sopranos I wish I had a hit man like Tony does to take a baseball bat to her head. I know I wouldn’t really do anything to her as I had my chance the other day when she crossed in front of my car!!! She used him for all she could get financially. In regards to your post today, and I am not exaggerating, his affair has cost in excess of $100,000.00 to me and my business. She was supposed to have refinanced her house and pay him back, but surprise, she didn’t. So I have all the more reason to despise her. She effed him and me!!!

          • tryinghard March 18, 2013 at 10:41 am #

            Something interesting I heard the other day on the radio. The movie Fatal Attraction had a different ending originally. The original ending Michael Douglas kills Glen Close. When the movie was shown to a focus audience they wanted a different ending. They wanted Michael Douglas’s wife to kill Glen Close and so the movie ending was changed. I think the audiences all over the world clapped when she shot the bitch! I think this speaks volumes about how a betrayed wife would love to act and society, but not the law, supports it. The problem with retribution is where does it end? Logically I know this however I don’t know if my H gets the level of emotion I feel towards this person.

          • Strengthrequired March 18, 2013 at 5:27 pm #

            Trying hard, my goodness, my h ow also promised my h to pay him back every cent she took from him, lol. Surprise surprise hear too, not one cent passed by her hot little finger tips to my h, even though she knew my h was struggling financially due to the effects of their ea, she just kept taking, taking and taking. He wouldn’t ask her either for the money because he believed she she honor her word. Well that’s another thing that makes me lol, she does not have honor, if she did she wouldn’t have gone in the direction she did with my h, and used him for all he is worth.
            Yet surprise again, she still can’t do no wrong…..
            My h doesn’t understand why I am so angry at her, well hello, she is a user, she only wanted him for what she could get, and he can’t damn well see it. Since she has been in our lives, we almost lost everything, he says he feel there is an eye on him, I keep telling him, that the eye is coming from her direction can’t you see that, we only went down this slippery slop when she came into our life. I don’t think he sees it just yet, even though he listens. I don’t think he wants to believe how stupid he was in trusting her. So he tries to forget instead. Well, try living in my head h, my head never gets the piece I so desperately want.
            I wonder if there will ever be a time in the future where he won’t stick up for her anymore.
            As for fatal attraction, when my h ow changed her surname to ours, I said to him, how do you not see how odd that is. How do you not see that if it was anyone else apart from your cousin you would have been running a mile. How do you not see that her changing her name is a psychotic and obsessive thing to do, how do you not see it is a fatal attraction. What do you need to wait for, her to do something to our children or to me, more me, for you to believe that she has a screw loose, because normal people don’t do that.
            He agreed.

  11. Strengthrequired March 17, 2013 at 5:37 pm #

    Trying hard, i would like to know that too. When you said I would like to poke my finger in her eyenevery time you see her, I had to lol. I can see it so clearly….. I felt like I want to just shake her the ow and see how much sense starts falling out. surely not much because any woman that could sink so low in trying to take a married man away from his family doesn’t have much common sense.
    I know my h wonders why I am the way I am about her, I have explained to him that I love my family and I fight for my family, if I didn’t fight for our family, for you, then you would think I didn’t care. He knows that’s true.
    If it was on the other foot, me with om and him wanting to fight for me, for our family, then I too would want him to have that want to get that om out of our lives ASAP, and save our marriage. I would want him to fight for us, as that shows that he cares and doesn’t want to lose us. As far as I’m concerned the om/ow shouldn’t be a concern, they shouldn’t have stepped the boundaries. Marriage is sacred, between two people, that’s why we get married, because it is a commitment, one that binds two people together, not so a third party can come into it, it wasn’t meant for 3, just 2.
    I would honestly love my h so much more, if I saw him stand up for his family, if the tables were turned and I was the cs.

  12. Exercise grace March 19, 2013 at 11:26 pm #

    Ok, not literally, but saw the funniest sticker…..

    If she was on fire and I had a glass of water….I’d drink it.

  13. Strengthrequired March 19, 2013 at 11:41 pm #

    Hahaha, I like it, I think the water would taste pretty good.

  14. Art R. March 23, 2013 at 9:12 am #

    Hello all, I am a cheater and I appreciate all the comments and words. It has really opened up my eyes. I was having a hard time understanding my spouses triggers. We have been working on recovery for less than a year, this has really helped.

    • tryinghard March 23, 2013 at 11:53 am #

      Art R
      Good on you for reading this blog. I am happy to hear it is helping you. It is pretty heavy on betrayed women and that is because women are very centered on our relationships. The one thing I can tell you is that the comments here will represent your spouse and all the hurt she is experiencing from your betrayal. She may not say them or maybe she will. We walk a very fine line of communication with you guys. We go from holding it in and suffering in silence, to saying very hurtful comments, sometimes regretting them and sometimes not. I hope you have the strength and fortitude to take it. This is NOT an easy road. It is truly two steps forward, three steps back for a long time. Please be honest and answer any and all questions your spouse has even if you think she doesn’t need to know. The truth as opposed to our imagination is easier to deal with. Keep reiterating your love for her and your sorrow for your choices but tell the truth above all. Good Luck and stay tuned 🙂 You have no idea how much having people like you on this site means to us. It restores our faith and gives us hope.

  15. Sharon March 28, 2013 at 8:45 pm #

    I enjoyed the responses to this question, some funny, others insightful and i could completely relate. Just wish my H would start reading! ***new blogger, recent “marriage counseling” participants, hoping to gain some benefit from this site. Thank you.

  16. bellabby March 30, 2013 at 1:57 am #

    My h takes some responsibility for the hurt and pain he has caused me. He is doing anything he can to try and make up to me. The problem is he will not admit that what he had was an EA, with 2 women at the same time. I gave him the definition of an EA and he did acknowledge he met some of the criteria but insists he never had any real feelings for them and always loved me. My response was that if he loved me, how could he hurt me as much as he did. And if he had no “feelings” for either of these 2 sluts, than why would he continue to talk to them, without my knowledge, talk about me, tell them personal things about me, our marriage, our sex life! His refusal to admit that he really had an EA just makes it that much more difficult to forgive him and get all this stuff out of my head. I’m tired and exhausted from being angry, bitter, depressed, humiliated.

    • Tryinghard March 30, 2013 at 8:45 pm #

      Bell

      ULK! Sometimes they don’t get it. For whatever sick reason. Not only is he hurting you by staying in his state of denial he is hurting himself. If he doesn’t learn from his own history and admit his faults at least to himself and you he won’t change. He is still rationalizing. OK ANY relationship he keeps secret from you is inappropriate and damaging to your relationship. Sometimes we have to act like screaming raving maniacs to get this point across. I hope you are going to counseling to help him understand the implications of his choices. Good luck my friend.

  17. Leslie April 1, 2013 at 1:48 am #

    I am new here. My husband and I have very different opinions abt what happened. Some of what u are all saying here is what is going on in my marriage and I worry I am not going to last much longer. After discovering my h’s entire text feature on his phone was wiped out I got worried and asked him abt it. Fairly quickly, he admitted him & his co-worker had gotten very close and had admitted to each other that they were in love. I had this conversation with him 3 days after they had admitted that to each other and he also told me they had spent the next night out at a bar together holding hands, rubbing legs etc. they also went back to his hotel room (he was away for a night) after she asked him to and he told her (while in the room) that he cldnt be intimate w/her as he cldnt be that type of person. She was very upset (shes much younger and single) so he let her lay on his chest while he held her and they had an intense goodbye (long silent hug or smthg like that). And then they went back out and met up w/ friends again.
    He doesnt believe this was an EA. Our marriage hasnt been hard for the last several years and there definitely was an emotional void. Personally, i have struggled with my self-confidence since having kids (now 8 & 5). And i ended up putting most of my emotional energy into my kids. It was never intentional of course. I was really struggling to find my confidence and identity as a mother.
    Since their relationship was just like a regular friendship until that weekend he doesnt think it was an EA. he says he was just very lonely and gave up hope with us and having someone to talk to was really nice. He never talked abt us nor did they talk abt themselves as a “couple” . He sees that weekend as smthg that needed to happen in order to figure out what he really wanted. When i found out he had already decided he didnt want to move forward with the feelings they had for each other. They decided they wld go back to being co- workers & great friends. I was devastated when i found out. He has said he’s sorry i have experienced so much pain and he has explained why he ended up having such an intense friendship. Its been 5 months and I cant get away from this gut wrenching pain. Sometimes i feel like my heart is gng to stop from the constant panicky feeling i feel. I just cant decide if im crazy that i still feel the pain this badly or is it bc he doesnt show any empathy. Even when i said outright that i cant get away from this pain (as hard as ive tried) when he wont admit he had an EA and feels no empathy he admitted he really doesn’t feel empathy. He was so miserable before i think he believes this was understandable. I do actually understand all of it up until they told each other how they felt and then went out for a night that essentially was a “date”.
    I dont know what to do. I want my marriage to work. I want my kids to have 2 full time parents. I just cant live w/ this pain anymore. We r in MC (gone a few times) but i want/need advice from pple who have experienced this as to whether im being unreasonable and/or he is doing all he can and I need to focus on trusting whats in front of me and stop looking for understanding and empathy from him.

    • bellabby April 2, 2013 at 1:38 pm #

      Leslie, I know that gut wrenching pain. I can’t tell you when it will end for you. It has been 16 months since I found out about my husband’s EA and I still become overwhelmed with the grief and pain as if it just happened. I want it to stop because we are trying to reconcile. But that anger and bitterness definitely makes it very difficult to move forward. I wish you well. I’m still searching and hoping for an end to my pain.

  18. Leslie April 1, 2013 at 1:50 am #

    Wow. Im so sorry that was so long. I just sort of unloaded!

    Ps. They still actively work together very closely. Which makes it that much harder for me.

    • MissKitKat April 27, 2013 at 12:07 pm #

      i know how you feel Leslie…it feels like im now starting over yet again…i posted my story.its long like yours..but its because we are living in so much pain and theres so much to say…its so overwhelming….

  19. Carol April 1, 2013 at 10:04 am #

    Hi, Leslie — so sorry. But good grief: yes, I think it is reasonable for you to be upset! I think we women are often quick to question ourselves: are we right to be feeling a certain way? Feeling aren’t right or wrong; they just are — what matters is how we act on them. Your H sounds like he really doesn’t get it. He needs to try to understand why you’d be upset (um . . . HELLO???? He told a co-worker he was in love with her and held hands and rubbed legs and then spent time alone with her in a hotel room??? Erm . . . and he wonders why you’re upset?) If he’d felt that your marriage was empty or having problems or whatever, he should have come to you with that information and asked you what the two of you together could do about it. He’s rationalizing his bad behavior. The fact that he wiped out his entire text feature on his phone tells you that there were a lot of inappropriate text conversations going on also. I seriously doubt this was a ‘regular friendship’ until suddenly, magically one night they declare their feelings and . . . puh-leeze.
    I really hope that through MC he starts to get that he has 1. violated your trust deeply; 2. betrayed his role as a husband who was supposed to stick with you through better or worse (i.e. come to you with problems — not go behind your back with a co-worker!); 3. failed to support you as you transitioned into motherhood (I’m sensitive on that one, as my H did the same thing: withdrew from me once I became a mother — and never appreciated all that I did for his children).

  20. MissKitKat April 27, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

    I was recovering in 2011 from my husbands first emotional affair….then when it supposidly ended within a few months a woman we both know because she worked for the family business ten years ago came into our lives…this one was worse…the first one married a guy she was cheating with while seeing my husband..Real nice..lol! but this one has really cost us a lot..he gave her money to start a business which failed less then six months after the grand opening…we didnt have it even for us..he used a credit card and blamed me for our finances…i found out about her on august 5th of 2012 and of coursehe didnt stop talking to her till the end of september…so for two months he seemed sorry and tried very hard..we were getting close again..then he started getting defensive again and saying things that sounded just like the way she says things..so on the 22nd of this month i decided to spy because of his behavior..i felt it in my gut ..and he also stopped talking to me and focused more on the tv…he just seemed different…he has been talking to her on his office phone and another facebook page since the end of November..all the lies he fed me while doing this.i begged him to go to therapy with me in august when i found out but he wouldnt and begged me to let him fix himself..i knew then that wasnt possible..so we start counseling on monday..but now its worse because i do not believe anything at all..im sad we got so close and even that wasnt enough to give him the strength to not fall into her trap again when she called him..i guess its because its not up to me to fix him..i can’t..he has to…we have three girls..our twins are 9 and our oldest is 12..im more upset with him then her but i cant believe she can live with herself knowing about us and our kids..it kills me to know my personal faults were told to her.after i found out on monday he yelled at me sayig he gives up they are only friends..nothing worse then when they admit to the truth and then go back on it when caught again..i feel like all thats happened since november has been fake and not real again.im too good of a spy..i can find almost anything online….but im sad ive had to use it on my own husband..if i would have looked in nov i would have seen the fb page but i gave him the chance to prove himself until i couldnt deny he had changed again..we are just friends he said so many times..but on his phone bill back then over 80 calls in a month and more then 5000 text messages..he swears it was just emotional..he has low self esteem..so i dont even know…she also has two kids and in the year that this went on they went to the zoo together with our kids whenever i went away..she still uses that zoo picture as a cover photo on her fb..it makes me want to throw up..they smoked pot together several times..he took her to concerts while i stayed home with our kids…he would say he only had one ticket and he got them from vendors at work..which isn’t unusual…but he really just went with her…he used another fb page to do all this that year..and when i got onto it i almost died from the pain i felt..he would say things about me that were totally untrue!say we had a fight when we didn’t..etc..called me a leech once..and she had the balls to tell him not to be a fool and he deserves better then me!!!!no..im the fool….he made fun of everything i did that he always said he liked about me..he told her he missed her….he did nothing but complain about me to her..i could do nothing right…that i still havent healed from..i wish i never would have seen that stupd page…i do not sleep well.. i cant eat again…and im angry that his issues cause me such pain when i did nothing wrong….i hope we can get help..from the beginning of our marriage he looked at porn and signed up to dating sites and chats with webcams..i didnt know until 6 years into our marriage.i even took the picture of him he used on a dating site…wow….stupid me…so now comes my fault….and yes im completely remorseful and i am so sorry i caused him so much pain..but i had to learn what i did didnt give him the right to do any of this to me..i showed him over and over i was sorry..and i still am and would never hurt him again..i have proven that….its been 4 1/2 years since my affair..it is not his fault i cheated…i made the choice..i should have just left because he refused therapy then too..i saw his dating sites and sexual masturbation chats with a webcam and other women..i felt so alone….he didn’t help with the kids and took it out on me if they or i got sick..our twins were 3 1/2 monthe early and almost died…everything was my fault…i fell into the trap with a guy i knew from my kids school and it only lasted actively for around 3 months but it took me almost 9 months after to realize my mistake..although i didnt know by then my husband had the first woman he met online and talked to mostly there..he only saw her in person a few times..i have done all i can to make up for how i treated my husband after my affair..but i cant punish myself forever…although i already do that..but now with two in a row from him and her back in our lives its unbearable.i walked into his office monday when i found out and he was talking to her on the phone…he swears he wont do it again he said she knows what happened and he said he cant control if she calls again.so i said no but you can control whether you answer and talk to her…i do not believe him…i feel he will keep talking to her until he really feels true remorse like i did…he shoed remorse those few months she wasnt involved but now she has sunk her teeth in again filling his head with crap like we are doing nothing wrong your wife is too controlling..stop letting her do that to you.which i s why now i keep him caged like an animal according to him and he doesnt have a normal life..when all we were doing those few months are the same now and we got closer and he was fine with doing what it takes..he wants instant fixing and when it doesnt happen he gives up..such a shame..he really is a good person.he chooses to make terrible mistakes..but one thing i do know..my love for him is very real…very..nothing has swayed my love….but telling me that see honey i talked to her for five months but we still got closer made me feel rage i never felt…i told him for most of those months something feels wrong again..oh you are just paranoid he goes..yeah sure i am..i made a comment last month about worrying he could use his offfice phone to talk to her and i wouldnt know and he flipped out immediately!you will never trust me!i will be punished forever…he told me on monday after i found out again that i have proven to him that i will never trust him again..its only been 8 months.. and he spent almost 6 of them lying to me still..so yes honey you may be right about that…im dying inside right now….but i love this site..its so helpful!

Leave a Reply

Login

Web Analytics

Clicky