The other day while Doug was searching for content to add to the Higher Healing area, I was momentarily looking over his shoulder at an article he was reviewing that dealt with denial.
The article wasn’t solely about denying an affair but more so the denial of inappropriate behavior by one’s partner in general.
It briefly made me recall all of the denials that I had to endure even though all the signs and the evidence indicated that Doug was having an affair.
As long as there is denial there can be no acceptance of responsibility by the cheater. And with no acceptance of responsibility, there can be no healing or recovering. You just end up spinning your wheels.
The following article by Bill Herring, LCSW, CSAT touches on his four types of denial that you’re likely to encounter when confronting your spouse about any sort of inappropriate behavior and/or affair. His ideas can also be helpful as you learn of further details of the affair and the typical denial that occurs during those conversations as well.
Continued denial in the face of damning evidence is incredibly frustrating. It makes you want to pull your hair out. As the author suggests, denial is just a barrier to accepting responsibility. Or put another way…Denial is a defense mechanism that serves to protect the ego from things that the individual cannot cope with.
So, after reading this do you feel that you encountered (or used, if a cheater) any of the denial tactics that Mr. Herring details? If so, how did you handle it? We’d also be curious to know if the denials continued even though there was seemingly insurmountable evidence to the contrary.
For more information on denial, you might want to check out this video (about 20 minutes)