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you must stop being the victim

You Must Stop Being the Victim

We’ve used the word victim a lot on this site; typically with respect to the person who has been betrayed by their partner’s infidelity. We use the term because the betrayed is indeed a victim. If you question that for any reason, then here is the official dictionary definition of victim: a person who suffers […]

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you know you're getting old when

You Know You’re Getting Old When…

We’re going to poke a little fun at ourselves today to lighten things up a bit. Later this month both Linda and I will be turning 53 years of age. There’s no doubt that we are both in excellent health. Neither of us have any medical conditions that require us to take any medications and […]

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excuses for infidelity

“How Could You?” – The Psychology of Justifications, Rationalizations and Excuses for Infidelity

“I thought you didn’t love me anymore.” “You don’t listen to me.” “I’m not happy. I haven’t been happy for years.” “Our marriage hasn’t been good for a long time.” “We don’t have anything in common anymore.” The statements above are just a few of the justifications, rationalizations and excuses that cheaters use for their […]

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save your marriage

Save Your Marriage by Saving Yourself

One of the benefits of this site is to read and learn from the experiences of others who have walked in your shoes. Hopefully, you all read the comments as we feel that that is where some of the best advice can be found. This post addresses how it may be appropriate to work more […]

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dealing with abusive relationships

Resources for Dealing with Abusive Relationships

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last couple of weeks (or live outside the US), by now you’re probably more than aware of the whole Ray Rice situation. I won’t rehash the whole story for those who may not be in the know, but here’s a link you can go to if […]

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coping with infidelity

Coping with Infidelity – Self-Care and Living for Yourself

A few months ago I was mentoring a younger woman (younger than me at least) and she had recently discovered her husband’s 2-year long physical and emotional affair. Needless to say she was not in a good place at the time. As she told her story it became apparent that the affair was becoming extremely […]

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discovering your authentic self

You’re Not Your Authentic Self When Having an Affair – Discovering Your Authentic Self

While on our recent getaway to the great state of Michigan (that’s hard to say as an Ohio State fan), we visited the small town of Saugatuck. It’s a pretty cool little place which has a certain stepping-back-in-time feel to it. After a day of hiking some dunes and hanging out on the beach along […]

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The Change is Coming

There’s something that has been going on in our household that has created some distressing turn of events. We’re going through a rough patch where there is a noticeable lack of intimacy, there’s increased tension at times, sex is very infrequent and Linda is questioning herself in a variety of ways. Before you get all […]

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feeling that you’re not good enough

Dealing with the Feeling that You’re Not Good Enough

As we’ve mentioned numerous times in past posts, there is a natural tendency to want to compare yourself to your spouse’s affair partner and say, “Well, what did this other person have that I didn’t have?” In truth, this other person in many ways is a fantasy. They’re not in there day to day, dealing […]

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emotional healing after infidelity

Emotional Healing After Infidelity – Becoming Whole with Mindfulness

One of our main goals for this site has always been to help guide people towards emotional healing after infidelity.  The other day, I was listening to an audio recording of a virtual conference on the subject between  host, Dr. Eric Maisel and Dr. Melanie Greenberg.  I wanted to share some of the concepts that […]

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