January 2011 Archives - Emotional Affair Journey

Forget About the Fantasy and Get the Playbook

Posted on 31. Jan, 2011 by Linda.

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As a betrayed spouse I am going to tell you right now our spouses will never again have a fantasy about us the way they did with the OP during their marital affair. So stop trying to recreate and compete with the affair. It won’t happen. We are living in the real world in a [...]

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The Fantasy, Role Playing and the Playbook

Posted on 27. Jan, 2011 by Linda.

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All affairs begin as a fantasy. During our Affair Recovery Group, Jeff Murrah stated that even one night stands begin with the person thinking (fantasizing) about what it would be like to have a sexual encounter with another person. When the cheater begins either an emotional or physical affair they have ready made assumptions about [...]

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Discussion: Can You Make Your Marriage Better After the Affair?

Posted on 26. Jan, 2011 by Doug.

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Happy Wednesday! After the affair your marriage will never be the same as it once was. That’s a simple reality. The affair has forever altered the course of your relationship and your life. It can’t be taken back and you can’t pretend it didn’t happen. You will never forget the affair. If you work to [...]

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After the Emotional Affair: The Security I Needed

Posted on 25. Jan, 2011 by Linda.

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I had discussed my last therapy session in a previous post and during that session the therapist and I also explored the implications of taking fault for the affair. He really helped me realize that I shouldn’t blame myself for Doug’s emotional affair, and by doing so for so long has definitely caused many problems [...]

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Deciphering the Cheating Spouse’s Stories

Posted on 24. Jan, 2011 by Linda.

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We have been hitting on a lot of great information during our Affair Recovery Group sessions. Our last session on fantasies was especially valuable for me. I have gained much insight into Doug’s emotional affair and am getting closer to fully understanding it. The more I understand it, the more I feel removed from the [...]

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Remind Yourself You Are Not Responsible For The Affair

Posted on 20. Jan, 2011 by Linda.

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We wanted to expand a little on the discussion from yesterday with a suggestion that I learned from Dr. Gunzburg’s book, “How to Survive An Affair” pertaining to the importance of reminding yourself that you are not responsible for the affair. It’s an unfortunate truth that the betrayed spouse in an affair often feels that [...]

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Discussion: Acknowledging Responsibility vs Feeling at Fault

Posted on 19. Jan, 2011 by Doug.

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Happy Wednesday! We all make mistakes in a marriage. After the affair though, these mistakes tend to come to the forefront of the betrayed spouse’s mind, with thoughts of self-blame and guilt for the failings of the marriage. More than likely, the betrayed spouse needs to take responsibility for their contribution to the deterioration of [...]

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I’m Finished Competing With The Emotional Affair

Posted on 18. Jan, 2011 by Linda.

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Last week I wrote a post about romanticizing the affair and the affair partner. I know that during our affair recovery there was so much focus and discussion about the dynamics of Doug’s emotional affair, what was happening during their relationship, what needs were being met by Tanya, etc. I know that many experts recommend [...]

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Control Your Thoughts So The Emotional Affair Doesn’t Control You

Posted on 17. Jan, 2011 by Linda.

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During my last counseling session there was much discussion on how the thoughts of the emotional affair still consume my life. My therapist asked if there was any time that I do not think about the affair, and honestly I couldn’t really recall many times during the day that it doesn’t enter my head. The [...]

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The Cheating Spouse Should Not Romanticize the Affair

Posted on 13. Jan, 2011 by Linda.

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Many of the recent comments have made mention of the cheating spouse and his/her affair partner having special songs, exchanging sappy emails, special gifts, etc., and to be quite honest (and blunt) I am fed up with all this romantic bulls#!t associated with an affair. I am certainly appreciative of the honesty from everyone, cheating [...]